tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-340875592012-02-01T20:45:32.300ZSarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.comBlogger4361100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-67996356966832855802012-02-01T18:48:00.000Z2012-02-01T18:48:44.316Z

I have accepted i am dying. It's ALS. Another hideous autoimmune disease. What CONFIRMED it for me today was that i was experiencing (and have been for ages now), severe weakness, internal vibrations and twitches in my body, especially my legs - so i finally gave up and took a diazepam to make it go away, because it WOULD if i was ONLY experiencing 'anxiety'..... and low and behold, the

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-31445639251207417732012-01-30T13:24:00.000Z2012-01-30T13:24:27.265Z

My tongue is CLEARLY wonking off to the left side..... And it hurts.... and i am still slurring.... :(

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-2506672893850999382012-01-28T13:34:00.001Z2012-01-28T13:34:27.931Z

...With all the strange going's on with my body i have (obviously) convinced myself i have MS or worse than that ALS. I am shitting myself. I have been doing endless tests on my hands this morning, because what do you know, it appears that i have a problem with my *Ulnar Nerve*. I have weakness in my pinky.... and ulnar nerve problems are caused by... MS/ALS! I have a constant skin crawling

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-33380323006475733512012-01-28T12:02:00.000Z2012-01-28T12:02:28.839Z

...how many do YOU have? Mine are in bold... * Allergy problems, increase in allergies (number, sensitivity, reactions, lengthier reactions) Back pain, stiffness, tension, pressure, soreness, spasms, immobility in the back or back muscles * Blanching (looking pale, loss of color in the face or skin) * Blushing, turning red, flushed face, flushed skin, blushing, red face or skin * Body jolts,

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-35139756469465337492012-01-25T11:46:00.000Z2012-01-25T11:46:29.939Z

Whether i sleep or don't sleep i always feel exhausted > Feel unwell (pained, palpitations, neuro symptoms) > panicky (health anxiety > not wanting to go out > depression > feel more unwell > more depressed > definitely don't want to go out.... when i DO go out it's ... feel ill > anxiety > panic > need to get home. That's my life, right there... Battling constantly with feeling SO ill... ALL

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-70322341533016126942012-01-23T15:20:00.001Z2012-01-23T15:20:16.536Z

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-22335979245286511002012-01-22T21:31:00.000Z2012-01-22T21:31:52.252Z

In the 12 1/2 years i have lived in this house, i have NEVER had new furniture in my front room. My sofa was second hand, my old CD shelf was from the 60's if not earlier and the TV unit, well - i have blogged about that. That was a VERY cheap Argos black ash unit that my BIL built a pine cupboard around it... Anyway.... slightly off topic. I LOVE my new sideboard. I fits in all my CDs/DVD's.

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-51640894052456517122012-01-22T21:23:00.002Z2012-01-22T21:23:37.010Z

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-36890923680027709862012-01-21T19:30:00.003Z2012-01-21T19:33:28.338Z

Stair carpet - Monday Snuggle Chair - 5 weeks.... I am pissed off that i completely overspent and the loan just didn't cover it and had no money for new furniture for the boy... but HE WILL get it - just have to wait a bit... and he is MORE than happy with his room ;) ;)

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-4588638104949575962012-01-20T09:50:00.000Z2012-01-20T09:50:29.926Z

Let's talk agoraphobia... Fed up of the decorating chat... It's STILL going on... I will talk more when it's finished and i am not wearing a dusk mast to get from room to room! Ikea. Ikea is roughly 1hr - 1h 20 minutes away, depending on the traffic through the next big town. Yesterday, we left at 6.30pm and the traffic was terrible, every light was red and it did take us well over an hour,

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-72611092702448974682012-01-19T22:43:00.000Z2012-01-19T22:43:39.854Z

...AGAIN! It's 10.20PM!!! Ugh.. That M25 is becoming my friend. Why again? I purchased the small TV unit, took it to a nice man that my mum recommended to put it together for me... and the frigger didn't go together, something wasn't right so we had to take it back. Which wasn't too bad, because tonight Ikea DID have my sideboard unit in... so mother got me that for Christmas because she

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-61298776116498262142012-01-19T14:00:00.000Z2012-01-19T14:00:13.615Z

Everything is taking SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO long. I *think* this morning the lounge and has been undercoated and he's now in the boys room glossing... i THINK! I am shut up in my room, sinuses are on fire from all the paint fumes, it's bloody freezing in here and i am fed the fuck up! I WANT MY HOUSE BACK NOW! I am sick of everywhere i turn there is a thick layer of dust... My bedstead is COVERED

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-23371809592836436152012-01-18T08:11:00.000Z2012-01-18T08:11:34.454Z

Panicked last night. I was freaking out. I could NOT move anywhere in my house. My kitchen was even more rammed (if that was possible). I had to call the BF to come and get some of the things from there to take away, i could not squeeze past and climb over boxes any more. Yesterday when i had come home, all the flooring in the hall way/lounge and my boys room was down. Today they are

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-25113269599892502692012-01-17T08:12:00.000Z2012-01-17T08:12:20.662Z

....but FOUR workmen have just turned up at my house......!!!!! I was expecting ONE!

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-7055209114327906572012-01-15T22:37:00.000Z2012-01-15T22:37:19.429Z

My boys chest of drawers... All sanded/varnished with new knobs on it... :) Stair carpet gone... Ready for redecorating to begin tomorrow :) A women took my a part of my stair carpet off the drive, it was all folded up and ready to go to the skip but she needed carpet, so obviously i let her have it. Then she came back for the rest, for some reason i offered her my small black sofa... Why?

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-30848131413514997812012-01-11T15:59:00.000Z2012-01-11T15:59:43.485Z

I have just noticed blogger has a 'Stat' button at the top here... I have no idea when it arrived, but it's there.. I thought i'd check out my stats and see if anyone is reading, and yes.... i am having a regular amount of readers per. day, however, it appears that i get more views when something awful happens to me... Like i am on the verge of suicide, or my boyfriend pisses me off... I've had

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-52560413021576329652012-01-11T15:23:00.002Z2012-01-11T15:23:47.308Z

...and purchased NOTHING!!! All that happened while i was there, was that the floor felt like it was moving up and down. A THICK SOLID floor.... I am going nuts or.. my legs are no longer working properly.

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-50157035227545793142012-01-10T19:43:00.000Z2012-01-10T19:43:27.189Z

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-34379549762646518702012-01-10T14:38:00.000Z2012-01-10T14:38:12.967Z

Sanding down old furniture.... 'cause i can't afford new.... I'm yet to do the wardrobe but there is no way i can move that downstairs on my own. Also today i have prepped my TV unit for the 'Shabby Chic' makeover... Unfortunately, now i have started, i am not too sure... Oh well... i've started now!!!!! ;)

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-40974038843890530142012-01-09T14:19:00.000Z2012-01-09T14:19:11.380Z

Bedroom plastered. The decorating will commence on the 16th January!

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-37326221180142282412012-01-08T12:08:00.000Z2012-01-08T12:08:31.048Z

..is sometimes scary. I was watching "Wanted down under" on TV the other morning and i was remembering when I was in Australia... HOW THE FLIP DID I GET THERE??? So then i started remembering what i did when i was in Australia.... HOW THE HECK DID I DO THAT!????? Remembering one thing in particular that really sparked off feelings of anxiety and panic. One morning, my mother and

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-91279526507049835952012-01-07T18:29:00.001Z2012-01-07T18:30:03.060Z

Stage 1 - REMOVE BORDER FROM SONS ROOM... Stage 2 - EMPTY SONS ROOM THE BEST WE CAN (REMOVING BED/ALL CRAP UNDER BED) and PULL UP CARPET! Stage 3 - HAVE RADIATOR REMOVED OFF WALL IN PREPARATION FOR PLASTERER. Stage 4 - PURCHASE ITEMS NEEDED FOR SHABBY CHIC'ing TV UNIT. I got, sandpaper, wire wool (for the distressing part), primer, paint, paintbrushes and sticky cloths for making sure all

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-85810691284160877682012-01-06T09:12:00.001Z2012-01-06T09:12:02.257Z

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-54558638548439886272012-01-05T23:53:00.000Z2012-01-05T23:53:24.305Z

..that i have turned into the bitch from hell.  Yes.  I. Have. Over the last 2 weeks (just before Christmas) i have been nothing but bloody miserable.  I'm not talking about depressed miserable, but i've been that too, i am just talking about grumpy.  It could be a combination of things... and this is what i think.. 1)  I've been ill for weeks. 2)  I am seriously stressed about the upcoming

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-69977224352298782272012-01-03T20:12:00.000Z2012-01-03T20:12:19.791Z

I am struggling. I am at a loss with what i should do, colours....etc... My new flooring (everywhere) is going to be dark walnut.... This colour... I'm okay with what i am going to do in my son's bedroom, but i have no idea what i am going to do in the front room.  Whether i should paint my furniture white, shabby chic style... or... stain them more toward the colour of the floor...?  I don't

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-59128744761830831802012-01-01T13:49:00.002Z2012-01-01T13:49:37.126Z

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-55516141214108340712012-01-01T13:15:00.001Z2012-01-01T14:13:54.342Z

I was going to put up a picture of "2012" and the majority of what came up was fricking doomsday pictures and the world ending,... don't want to be reminded that we're all going to die soon.... Stupid Mayans.... Stupid stupidness!! Something else for me to worry about. So..... 2012 - HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-49069385047302096932011-12-30T19:44:00.002Z2011-12-30T19:44:27.185Z

Went to the doctors, i have acute sinusitis, laryngitis AND an upper respiratory infection... HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-22520066419875185212011-12-30T08:53:00.002Z2011-12-30T14:37:46.929Z

..and for my next trick, i will develop Laryngitis.... and my left sinus cavity in my cheek is on fire (along with my left nostril)..... Holy moly this hurts. FUUUUUUUUUUUCK! IT!

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-40433569099158953712011-12-29T12:19:00.000Z2011-12-29T12:19:03.692Z

..don't know where to start. I'm still sick, in fact, i am worse. Not only has my cough got worse (getting 2nd lot of antibiotics today), but i am aching so much. Throat, ears, head, legs....arms.... everywhere. But this is the least of my problems. Christmas Eve. The boyfriend came over, i can't really remember what had happened, but he was drunk and stormed off up to bed and i was left

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-50757358115218363282011-12-28T21:23:00.000Z2011-12-28T21:23:38.337Z

From the boyfriend... A microwave... Mine broke. A onesie. 2 tins of biscuits Take That Progress tour DVD Nighty Night DVD Diamond studs Cheese... Black Bomber, my favourite. The Secret daily teachings book. Mark Wright calender From the mother. A set of my favourite Vichy face products. DKNY perfume. A book. Earrings Tin of biscuits And 2 boxes of cheesey snack things.. (and money to buy

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-87223259581548802932011-12-28T19:48:00.000Z2011-12-28T19:48:56.899Z

NHS iPhone app, these are the details....... Not too shabby, i'm happy with that!!! Nearly 9 days no smoking, don't even fancy one..... GO ME!!!! I have no idea where that £30+ is though... i'm no richer... :(

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-19506082408259682512011-12-26T14:43:00.000Z2011-12-26T14:43:31.814Z

Hope everyone had a good Christmas... BUT... Oh my goodness... To all those who read my blog on CHRISTMAS DAY - What were you thinking??? Our day was okay. I will write more later, but right now, i'm cooking dinner and puppy-sitting for my sister, too much fun!

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-75935080395103124012011-12-23T12:26:00.001Z2011-12-23T18:55:02.156Z

What a lovely surprise i received this morning from....Fiona. Oh my gosh.. I am so happy (despite still being SO ill).... Thank you lovely - You are fabulous and didn't need to do this for me.... ♥

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-58542844802802681362011-12-22T21:44:00.000Z2011-12-22T21:44:59.228Z

I'm still sick.  Still got a bad chest infection.  Still coughing up a lung every five minutes.  Still feel like i've been run over by a bus (x 1,000,000).  Not the best run up to Christmas Day, but i don't care to be honest.   The problem i am having (as well as coughing ALL THE EFFING TIME), is when you're taking antibiotics (erythromycin) /cough medicine (Covonia)/pain relief(Co-Codamol) and

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-69474098461372954052011-12-22T21:30:00.000Z2011-12-22T21:30:00.318Z

Took me AGES to get the animals all looking the same way!!!  Bella, Bluebell and Blossom.

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-20203644082731327932011-12-20T18:55:00.000Z2011-12-20T18:55:46.060Z

My BF has just walked out on me after a conversation about Christmas.  I am so fucking depressed, is it any wonder i am not looking forward to it?  I have NOTHING in my life that i am looking forward to.  Every-single-day is a constant battle with pains/depression/agoraphobia/panic/self loathing.... etc, etc.  My mother had the biggest go at me today telling me i look 'Hideous' which i love.... I

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-59157571496835824722011-12-20T15:02:00.000Z2011-12-20T15:02:45.087Z

...we're getting to Christmas, the more anxious i am getting.   There are so many things that i hate about Christmas i couldn't possibly be arsed to start listing them all.   When i say i am getting anxious about Christmas, i REALLY am.  The whole thing from start to finish fills me with utter dread.  The fact that i have got to stay round the BF's when i've barely left the house in weeks is

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-87171403143019971172011-12-19T11:48:00.001Z2011-12-19T11:48:43.218Z

... I have a chest infection... Lovely!  Feel.Like.Shit.

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-58296749245746737152011-12-17T14:56:00.002Z2011-12-17T14:56:56.934Z

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-31145543219018834152011-12-17T13:50:00.000Z2011-12-17T13:50:01.620Z

...next year, NOT to go Christmas shopping a week before Christmas.  Fricking MADNESS!!!!  I am exhausted... mentally and physically.... Plus, my mother OFFERED to purchase me the Michael Kors watch that i wanted as well as help me with the decorating.... but i said "no"..... Shedding a few tears here... :(

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-51292256670614717592011-12-16T14:51:00.000Z2011-12-16T14:51:50.251Z

I feel like hell and have done for so long now. It feels like my entire body hurts, shoulders, ribs, back, head, wrists, knees, legs... everything hurts... Now. One good thing is that all my blood tests are fine, so that's a positive thing... BUT... the horrendous constant fatigue, combined with all the pains is making me not want to move, anywhere cause when i do move, i hurt. My brain is in

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-13683171915605248992011-12-15T15:58:00.001Z2011-12-15T17:27:31.401Z

A few weeks ago i blogged about getting my house redecorated... Well, i *think* i told the guy that i wanted it done, that was before i had to spend £xxxx on getting Billy fixed... and then put to sleep... so i forked out A LOT. Anyhoo, i decided that i couldn't afford to get the house done.. however, i forgot to tell him, during the sadness that was Billy's passing... :( He called yesterday

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-39517776875846401372011-12-14T09:30:00.001Z2011-12-14T09:30:37.771Z

I've had one hell of a few days. After the BF went missing from his works 'do', climbed over his gate paralytic because he lost his key, fell, battered and bruised himself.... little did i know what i was in for next..... ... He Skyped me, which was great.... continuing to down shots at 7.00 in the morning. He went off to have a doze, which he did until 2pm. He Skyped me back - but then it

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-42315229328278742142011-12-10T21:48:00.002Z2011-12-10T21:49:50.559Z

...Is a Michael Kors watch..... Just saying! Not that i celebrate Christmas, because i hate it, but if someone wants to purchase me one, then i am going to accept. Sadly, when i told my mother that they are in the region of £200-£400... she wasn't that impressed.... Fingers crossed she gets generous... :)

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-24395002423715922622011-12-10T13:09:00.001Z2011-12-10T13:09:04.931Z

EXCELLENT webpage..... Please, CHECK. IT. OUT.... ANXIETY SYMPTOMS - How many do you have!???

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-14427622523145619412011-12-10T13:00:00.000Z2011-12-10T13:00:51.794Z

After the hoo-ha that was my Tesco trip with my mother and losing her i've been okay in there... Today, i had already been in Sainsburys but there were things that i still wanted from Tesco. Turns out, that if my mother sits in the car while i go shopping alone, that is FINE.... But.....going in with her and losing her, totally different, panic stations... Don't get it. So anyway. I am

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-46209351036630246422011-12-07T10:09:00.002Z2011-12-07T10:10:34.909Z

...Trying to get fit(ish), well not fit, that's a lie... "In shape" i think is better..... I need to try and stop crying over Billy Bonkers, i am terribly sad, and will remain this way for a long time, but waking up in the middle of the night and breaking down is not good for my health, mental or other... So i have to focus on something else now.....

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-91462150003375870312011-12-06T17:41:00.000Z2011-12-06T17:41:04.039Z

Billy Bonkers birthday - she would have been 7..... Just took the Bluebell to the vets and i asked them how old she was, i really didn't know... that it was today... Very sad...

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-5535278641977247622011-12-06T12:54:00.004Z2011-12-06T13:04:07.995Z

The vet finally called me with the best phone call i could have received... Feel much better now that i made the right decision with Billy Bonkers. The initial diagnoses of Lymphoma wasn't entirely correct. She did in fact have Leukaemia which had then spread to the liver... and lymph nodes. Poor little thing didn't stand a chance and the vet said that given all the medication she had, *IF*

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-28512815741215166212011-12-05T13:32:00.000Z2011-12-05T13:32:02.468Z

...can't believe that my little cat is in there.... I'm really struggling.... Miss her SO much. :(

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-67679812309595728802011-12-05T00:05:00.001Z2011-12-05T00:05:43.748Z

A friend just contacted me on Facebook and she's offered to drive 10 miles AT MIDNIGHT to come and have a cuppa with me........ How nice is she!?

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-55787094566452642992011-12-04T16:20:00.002Z2011-12-04T16:20:48.584Z

Thought i'd just weigh myself since ALL my clothes are hanging off me and i weighed in at a rather pathetic 6st 9lb or 93lb...... I've been eating.... don't get it.... :(

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-51368801324365158382011-12-04T14:00:00.001Z2011-12-04T14:00:55.677Z

Billy Bonkers cuddling her only surviving kitten.... So cute....

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-2682189229463398952011-12-04T13:02:00.000Z2011-12-04T13:02:32.405Z

..It's just so bloody hard. All i can think about is her. Went to get her and they showed me to the room where they had her wrapped in a little towel, i broke down and had to the get boyfriend to come in and save me... I had her laying on my lap on the way home, i was stroking her.... telling her again that i loved her... Got her back to my house and placed her on the work surface while my

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-5603669224154726462011-12-04T08:50:00.000Z2011-12-04T08:50:07.378Z

Crying for 10 hours straight yesterday has caused me to have the most unbelievable pain in the sinuses this morning... ..but i had a proper meltdown about 7pm last night.... While i was sobbing i had the worst feeling in the world... After they put her to sleep they said they'd cremate her for me, which at the time i was fine with, i didn't want to see dead Billy Bonkers any more, however,

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-15190476910098074162011-12-03T13:00:00.000Z2011-12-03T13:00:35.646Z

My beautiful Billy, her last picture alive..... Her cancer was found to be too aggressive and the fact she still wasn't eating... we decided it was the most humane thing to do... I am gutted... I cannot explain how fucking terrible i feel right now.... I love you Billy Bonkers.... I'm so sorry..... Goodnight, i love you .

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-28476213236220031572011-12-02T13:36:00.003Z2011-12-02T19:51:32.890Z

...Look who's home.... She is not in a good way.  Got a vets appointment this afternoon at 2.40.   I got up this morning and nothing.  Then i was having a conversation with my mother on the phone and i went downstairs... In the middle of the garden sat Billy.  I ran out to make sure it was her.  I picked her up and brought her indoors.  She's not walking, i don't know if she's just weak or

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-44321811787469390392011-12-01T21:39:00.001Z2011-12-01T21:39:57.260Z

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-66334311712966742002011-12-01T14:31:00.000Z2011-12-01T14:31:01.258Z

Started at 9.30 this morning and i have just sat down now.. First of all i had to put the Christmas tree up, then..... that followed into a frenzied complete house clean, including all kitchen cupboards.... Ugh!  What a job that is to do... Bathroom - done. Bedrooms - done. Stairs - done. Front room - done. Kitchen - done. Rest time :)

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-77101784597818090202011-11-29T18:54:00.001Z2011-11-29T18:54:56.520Z

TrueLoveWaits isn't always the best way to go... judging by this couple's FIRST KISS - EVER!!!

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-27006260945468108062011-11-29T18:20:00.000Z2011-11-29T18:20:53.496Z

I will write this as exactly how it went... (Standing by the make-up) Mum - Right i'm going to the toilet Me - Okay, don't be long, i'll wait right here.... After 10 minutes with panic rising mother didn't appear, i walked round to the loo's and she wasn't in there either.  I tried calling, no answer.  By now i was panicking... What do i do?  Embarrassingly i went to customer services where i

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-77579222999328942682011-11-29T13:02:00.000Z2011-11-29T13:02:29.602Z

It appears that my cat 'Billy Bonkers' has gone missing.  She was in last night when i went to bed, but i've been up since 7 and she's not here, it's now 1pm.   This is TOTALLY out of character.  She doesn't do this.  The furthest she goes is the garden.  Thing is, she's been off her food the last couple of days and i just assumed that she'd gone off the new brand i had bought and was going to

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-52147943485566981122011-11-29T12:53:00.000Z2011-11-29T12:53:50.489Z

Play fighting, it's what we do!!!  He's a tough boy...

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-90329279427864606942011-11-27T18:53:00.000Z2011-11-27T18:53:35.799Z

To you kind people... For your messages (on and off of my blog). I understand that it may appear that i don't try hard enough, or that i am a moaner, or that i just 'shop' all the time... But none of that can be further than the truth. Let me tell you about my not trying hard enough.. Yesterday as i was getting ready to be picked up to go out, my heart was racing so fast and i was so anxious

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-40870375947212314662011-11-27T17:04:00.000Z2011-11-27T17:04:34.589Z

Had a quote through for doing my house up.... and i am bummed!!! Way too expensive... So much so, my friend who's husband is a painter/decorator nearly pissed herself laughing at it... I could have him do it, but i don't like to mix business and pleasure.... Back to the drawing board i suppose... :(

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-63656541227546681522011-11-27T12:28:00.001Z2011-11-27T12:28:29.974Z

LAST NIGHT.... I think someone spiked my drink because i feel like i have the hangover from hell... My head is pounding - but all i had was diet coke. Ugh! Fabulous night though... LOTS of laughs.... :)

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-36995701288598148732011-11-26T15:02:00.000Z2011-11-26T15:02:14.056Z

..A leaving party of my old bosses at the pub... Feel so tired...exhausted in fact. Still fed up, anxious... but i am going to try my best. My skin has broken out too...just to make me feel better!!!!

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-48260043686283394462011-11-25T17:33:00.000Z2011-11-25T17:33:38.562Z

I've had a whole day to digest the comment that was left for me and it does sadden me. I write on my blog because it's an outlet for me. It lets me express my true self. Yes, of course i am leaving myself wide open to criticism but to be honest, if i was reading a blog written by a person who felt so badly about themselves/their lives, the last thing in the world i would do is start putting

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-12772640482260357872011-11-25T13:01:00.001Z2011-11-25T13:04:30.525Z

I don't care that people are have a negative opinion of me, but what does annoy me is the sudden obsession with me shopping... Who gives a shit what i do with MY money. I will say this ONE MORE TIME because it's clear that a lot of haters out there don't get it... I AM NOT ON ANY KIND OF BENEFIT. NO GOVERNMENT MONEY COMES MY WAY apart from child benefit with every other mother in the land

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-52839071262563337462011-11-24T16:17:00.000Z2011-11-24T16:17:35.530Z

..My friend today was going through her emails (facebook) and found a rather interesting conversation between my ex husbands best friend and her... This conversation took place in early May 2009... before he actually officially asked for a divorce... Okay so we weren't living together, but we were talking about getting back together... Still - hearing what i heard today was like another knife in

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-29627057033234689542011-11-24T10:19:00.000Z2011-11-24T10:19:45.802Z

Love. Not having real love. Not having someone who cares enough about me to put the fucking bottle down. Not having someone who is there for me, everyday..., instead, being too pissed to drive and isn't available or dependable. Someone who wants to make a future with me and it not being just a temporary thing. Someone who doesn't lie. Someone who really understands my problems and not

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-72471464682038917262011-11-24T10:00:00.000Z2011-11-24T10:00:54.867Z

We were talking last night and it seems very apparent that i am a poor girl with very expensive taste.... This saddens me, because there is so much that i want to do to my house. My boys bedroom aside ('cause that's being done regardless) i have all these ideas of changing my house and now... i want this... ...Carries leather chair from her apartment in Sex and the City... Can i find one

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-64005213861461046682011-11-23T19:04:00.002Z2011-11-23T19:04:51.693Z

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-88793442763146578472011-11-22T19:36:00.000Z2011-11-22T19:36:53.981Z

I've been watching Charles Trippy and Alli Speed on YT for years, way before their first daily vlogs. Seen them be boyfriend and girlfriend. Seen them get engaged and now comes the wedding... She looks beautiful and he is SO freaking handsome... Been crying a fair bit today.

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-4987015690499476842011-11-22T19:30:00.002Z2011-11-22T19:30:44.885Z

I'm doing good people... Still eating... Small amounts, but still eating. Still pooping.. 8-8.30 every morning like clockwork - a-maz-ing Waist is smaller than before... 22.5inches (must be due to no bloating from laxatives) Do i feel any better in myself - Not yet... no :(

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-35734941351085546482011-11-22T15:34:00.002Z2011-11-22T15:36:23.272Z

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-91869173577280119542011-11-19T16:57:00.000Z2011-11-19T16:57:28.747Z

All wrapped up.... I have just a couple more things to get, not much at all..... I am so proud of myself this year.... :) I've had to buy for Stink, 4 nephews, 1 niece, my boys half brother and sister, mum, baby George, bf, Stinkys dad....and the rest which includes my sister, brother-in-law, stepfather, auntie, my dad and my step mum all got scratch cards.... Yep, lotto scratch cards.... I

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-64126571949692029312011-11-19T09:00:00.001Z2011-11-19T22:31:50.559Z

To round it up, we were in the dentists for TWO HOURS! I've been sedated and had 2 teeth out and wasn't in there THAT long! Good grief! I was beginning to get anxious... my boy, he was fine! So we get called in, he had his injections, nearly broke my hand whilst they were going in, then we had to wait for the numbing to take. Finally get into the room and the little fricker wouldn't come out

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-85730196568410461302011-11-19T08:47:00.001Z2011-11-19T08:47:17.973Z

Completed :)

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-48513490643689635062011-11-18T09:42:00.000Z2011-11-18T09:42:40.001Z

Yesterday was hard... I didn't take pills, so that's amazing. It was hard for other reasons... I felt low, depressed, i self harmed... i felt shit. I ate my dinner, drank my V8, took my vitamins, had my 'Skinny' Water (packed with vit C)..... Still...., i'm finding it really hard. Today i have got my period. I feel fat, disgusting, bloated, ugly, spotty and generally rubbish... HOWEVER, i

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-30983540285209060302011-11-17T07:52:00.002Z2011-11-17T07:52:28.936Z

PLEASE DO NOT READ IF TOILET TALK IS TOO MUCH FOR YOU! I have just had my first normal poop in like YEARS!!! Go me. Okay, it wasn't massive, but it does clear up the concern that my bowel was fucked!!!! So happy... Off to the dentist with my boy, see what's happening with his brace, hopefully they've come to a decision ;)

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-5888864429821072292011-11-16T17:46:00.003Z2011-11-16T18:39:03.094Z

I went grocery shopping and purchased myself some Flaxseed oil. I have no idea what to do with it yet, but i'll do some more research on when to drink it. I also got Spinach (to eat raw), beetroot and cottage cheese... Don't ask me why cottage cheese! I don't eat breakie, but from now on, it's going to be a big glass of V8 juice. Packed full of vitamins... We'll see how that goes :)

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-25505703760435343942011-11-16T08:16:00.000Z2011-11-16T08:16:07.596Z

WELCOME TO DAY 1 OF MY RECOVERY AGAINST BULIMIA!!!! I'm going to try *again* to stop taking the laxatives. It's going to be so hard... but i am fed up of having no energy... fed up of having pains all the time.. fed up of it all.... I'm scared, really scared, but i know i have to do this..... No doubt to begin with i will be counting calories, but i will ease back into eating normal over time

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-9277880415408263322011-11-15T14:31:00.000Z2011-11-15T14:31:01.216Z

I am speaking from personal experience here..and i don't know if anyone else who reads this get's it too... but i just hate it when i am involved in conversations that i have no clue as to what it is all about. I am so stupid. I don't watch the news or read the papers... i like to be oblivious to what is going on the world, makes me think that everything is A-Okay... But then, if my BF happens

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-59439321420932325072011-11-14T13:33:00.000Z2011-11-14T13:33:18.255Z

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-46901386898381250272011-11-13T23:08:00.003Z2011-11-13T23:20:28.500Z

I posted this on Facebook earlier, 'cause i was having a panic attack. I was really struggling and I couldn't get hold of anyone to talk to which made me worse. Eventually i started feeling a bit better, with the encouragement of some amazing friends. Gotta love Facebook for that... Anyhoo... I just get a comment from a 'Girl' friend of my son's. She said that her mum ALSO suffers with

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-12927405657812067812011-11-13T21:37:00.000Z2011-11-13T21:37:07.659Z

I'M A CELEBRITY, GET ME OUT OF HERE

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-32757386991595538892011-11-13T15:15:00.002Z2011-11-13T16:30:46.595Z

This blog i have been writing since about 2002/2003, so quite a few years. I've had my disagreements with people in the past and thankfully i thought that was all over.... Until now. There is not much i can say apart from this...... If you don't like what you read then don't read, it REALLY IS as simple as that. No one forces anyone to click on my profile, or go to a link or whatever.. I

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-77636126439337882992011-11-13T14:48:00.001Z2011-11-13T14:48:48.687Z

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-42081742183075887362011-11-10T20:09:00.002Z2011-11-10T20:11:07.077Z

PANIC FAIL.... PANIC - Defeated!!!!!

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-1692782241246028412011-11-10T13:05:00.001Z2011-11-10T13:05:17.954Z

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-3147319815432452002011-11-07T14:56:00.000Z2011-11-07T14:56:44.244Z

My boyfriend hasn't bought me flowers for....hmmm.... nearly TWO years. Today i as i was getting ready to go out, i thought to myself... "I bet he buys me flowers today....", and what do you know, i get a big bunch ... Spooky much!????

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-66989584007907417122011-11-07T09:12:00.000Z2011-11-07T09:12:35.155Z

Why can't i be happy...? What the hell is wrong with me? There are many deeper things that are going on in my life that i can't resolve and it's bringing me down so hard and so bloody fast, i feel like i am out of control. Having my room fixed up made me happy for about 2 hours.  Now that's over, i am back to being miserable and unhappy. Right now, i have no desire to fight agoraphobia. I

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-28726264815061636762011-11-05T22:46:00.000Z2011-11-05T22:46:51.702Z

I'm extremely lucky to have a massive fireworks display at the end of my road(ish)... So my neighbour, her mum, Stinky and me, took a brisk walk in the cold, stood and watched for half an hour... Sadly some stupid idiot parked their car right in the way of the bonfire so we couldn't see that, and there was some seriously low cloud and mist around this evening... Still, i caught a few on

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-12493793047362751712011-11-05T19:54:00.001Z2011-11-05T19:54:30.768Z

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-85854835855468467552011-11-04T22:08:00.000Z2011-11-04T22:08:55.159Z

It's Movember, the month when men grow moustaches for the male cancer charities... My boyfriend is getting involved... and i know you probably won't donate, but i would really appreciate a couple of quid, if you could spare it, or even just £1.... Because every £ helps.... :) MY BOYFRIEND!!!!! Please donate for a VERY good cause. Thank You xxxx

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-65099740902742496882011-11-04T16:16:00.000Z2011-11-04T16:16:43.095Z

Very happy about this... It's all fresh and white.. My furniture is coming back tomorrow afternoon and in the morning i am off out to purchase a new duvet cover and bedside light. I'm very lucky in the fact that i have £40 worth of B&Q stuff that i can take back because my friend is a "Professional decorator" and had all his own things.... So how fantastic is that? Now, i am wondering... All

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-4418708970744868362011-11-01T13:13:00.001Z2011-11-01T20:57:29.457Z

THREE days to redecorate my bedroom, again! I know, i know, it was only done last July, but it needs to be redone. The problem is that i painted it white..all white and white gets dirty, really quickly, and that is what's happened. The paint work is cream...not meant to be that way, but it is, just discoloured, and since my furniture is going back to the factory this afternoon to be painted (

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34087559.post-46630009806215243542011-11-01T12:39:00.001Z2011-11-01T12:39:35.547Z

..when it's over - and it is over.

Sarah♥http://www.blogger.com/profile/18014898105754256011noreply@blogger.com1