BEING SARAH.......

Hi everyone..  Hope you're all vvell.. I am so sorry to mess everyone around but right now i have NO idea what i am doing.  I'm an utter mess, soul destroyed and heartbroken beyond belief.. I never knevv someone vvho claimed to 'love me' could be so heartless as to block me completely out of their lives, vvas i that bad...??? Because of that, my confidence has been severely knocked.. I fucking despise myself more than i ever have in all my life.. I feel vvorthless and disgusting and as if there is no point to anything.. I honestly thought i vvas an okay girlfriend, but the situation proves othervvise.. I am a horrid person and i deserve all the pain i am getting, and then some more...

.. I don't have many, but they are as follows.. 1.  Drink 2ltrs of water a day 2.  Eat less sugar. 3.  No processed food at all. 4.  Be grateful every of what i have, every moment of every day. 5.  Be happy :)

4 months since i did an update....?  And to think blogger USE to be my life, i use to love documenting what was happening, now, not so much... These days i get bored far too quickly and really can't be bothered.. But its 9.27am and i thought i'd check out my blog and maybe have a change around, i DO love a change in background and script... ;) So what's been happening? .............................................................................................. That's all :)

Over the last month i have been diagnosed with severe anemia, had my 39th birthday, school broke up for the holidays, i stabbed myself through the finger with a dinner knife (not even a sharp one), but deep enough to have all the fat tissue hanging out, shave off the top off my little finger and have a round of botox and fillers............. That's all.

I was watching YT videos last night and scared myself silly.  I was contemplating cancelling my appointment, i was SO close... Got there this morning at 11.30.  The girl who did it was lovely, really calmed me down... Sat in the chair and didn't feel anything.  A slight scratchy feeling at one point but nothing i would call 'pain'... I reckon i was there for about 30 minutes, maybe a bit more - and i am really happy with the result.. :)

Blogging is something i use to do religiously.. Playing out my life in words, every day, but now, i seem to have lost the desire, maybe because i really don't have much to talk about these days.  There is no drama, no boyfriend/friend troubles, i am just plodding along with me and my boy.. Each day is filled with laughter and happiness.  I am truly blessed with all i have been through that i finally have that in my life.

..of being 'single, and when i say single i mean in the way of not having a regular boyfriend.  Obviously i was seeing the guy that made me pregnant, but i wouldn't have called him a boyfriend by any stretch of the imagination.   I have definitely had my fair share of dates, especially right after i split up with the ex, but since then, nothing really and i have said for months and months i was happy leaving it that way, but now, maybe, just maybe it's time to be with someone else.... I am ready to be a couple again... This is SHOCKING news to me... and being realistic though, it's not likely to happen anytime soon.... I DON'T GO OUT!!!.............

MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL!!! Don't forget people, that i do have a YT account that i still update from time to time... :)

It has been such a very long time since i blogged regularly, and not that there is much going on in my life right now to talk about, there has been changes...... I can't even remember what i have and haven't written about... but i will go back to last August. .. Sit tight................... I met a man, he was lovely... we were seeing each other for a couple of months when in November (13th) i found out i was pregnant, it was a massive surprise, scary and left me feeling confused and unsure of my future.  I told the man involved and he basically told me to fuck off ... and i haven't heard from him since. I found out on a Wednesday, i went over to my friends, did a pregnancy test and she also hasn't spoken to me since!!!!! On the Sunday morning i was getting some quite bad pains and spotting, so i went down to A& E.  I was sent to the EPU where i had a scan.  Nothing was seen apart from the gestational sac on the screen,  so i was told to come back in...

So much has gone on in my life lately, i don't even know where to begin.  I will write more soon :) .. but i am back, for now.

I decided on the very boring and dull Sunday afternoon to write a well overdue blog post... ... So, here goes! It all started going 'wonky' on the 13th of November 2013.  My periods were a few days late

..and wowzers.. so much has been going on! The biggest thing that has happened is that a person that i know got the arse ache when i spoke to their ex about the reasons they split, they had a MASSIVE shit fit, came to my house shouting abuse at my door, then sent round their parents (they are 36 years of age!!!) and came back the next day, repeated the abusive behaviour and walked off stamping all over my flowers... Fast forward to last Friday, this person spoke to my best friend and made a threat against me saying that they were going to get me back, payback because i deserved it... *I SPOKE TO THEIR EX, I DIDN'T KILL A PUPPY* .. My friend being a friend told me about this and it caused her concern so i was left with no option but to go to the police.....The police went round and had a word... But the all the shit (evidence of threats) i had via text was quite disgusting...Thank god i kept them since they needed to see it all. What else...?  I have been seeing a fella for ab...

I have crazy ideas, all the time.  Some work out, some don't. Let me tell you a little story!  It's short...  I got my dog pregnant, i kept a puppy (Bear) and between them they killed my grass at the back, so i decided to erect a picket fence ALONE which is harder than it sounds let me tell you.  Digging holes, dodging cement that was spilled over from the path, making sure it's level....Cutting down pieces so they joined... Digging up deep rooted plants that were in the way, replanting said plants......but what do you know!?........... Sarah is fricking amazing!............ Still needs another coat... but i am on that today! ALL BY MYSELF! :)

Bearman - 32 weeks old.........  He is an amazing dog, such a handsome boy too............. WE LOVE BEARMAN!!!!

Soo... As well as being amazingly happy with my life right now, i have also been working out.  I have always done sit ups, everyday, since i was 16, but i was not seeing brilliant results.  Yes i kind of had a '4 pack' ish.. but nothing amazing, so i decided that at my age i needed to step up the exercise and do something that was actually going to show me results, and i think i have managed that.  In 11 short weeks i have developed amazing tone on my stomach and now i have added legs into the mix and they are toning up too!   These results come from TEN minutes a day.  No equipment.  No trainer.  No money spent.  This is pure hard work and devotion to getting it right....And i am HAPPY!  Oh yeah.... I need to step it up a wee bit now, start adding some more exercises into my normal routine and i will be even happier... ;) This just goes to show i never needed to be a 'gym bunny' to get toned ;) What else... MY GARDEN!  I...

Another 5 weeks have past since i have blogged... 'cause there is really not much to blog about.. I am still agoraphobic... BUT... I am loving life... LOVE LOVE LOVE!  I have changed so much over the last year without having a man in my life.  I am more calm,  happier, so much happier.. depression has gone completely, everything is just fabulous in my little world!!! That's about it... ♥