BEING SARAH.......

I have no idea what is wrong with me. I've had a stonkingly bad headache for 3 days now. Yesterday at my sisters i was dry heaving....this morning the same. NO I AM NOT PREGNANT!...lol. I am exhausted...it's 11am and i can barely keep my eyes open. I'm so tired. I've got no energy. The pain i get in my gallbladder has been awful. I have had it everyday for the last week. RIGHT THIS MINUTE i feel like i could throw up. Popped into town today to do some banking and while i was queuing i heard my mum say to Stink the words "Your mother" and "Thin" come out of her mouth. I asked her what she said and in front of around 10 customers she said "You are looking pathetically thin!!" Nice. I wouldn't say that, i would say i am looking the same as i have done for the last 6 weeks. I am eating. I am eating proper food WITH cakes and biscuits...so to be honest i am worried. Oh well..

...I HAVE FILED!

Two days ago i sent Arsewipe an email saying that maybe i couldn't be arsed to do the divorce, because after all - it IS him that wants it...so why should i do him a favour and save him the costs and pay for it??? So anyway, i get a response today basically saying that if i don't do it, i won't get my mums money that he owes. Even out of a relationship he is still being a cock and threatening me like he always did. "IF YOU DON'T DO THIS - I WILL LEAVE"...."IF YOU DON'T DO THAT - I WILL LEAVE"....what a shit head!!!!!!! I have filled out the forms and i am sending them off today. More than mad...more than angry!

Brazilian wish bracelets are supposed to bring you good luck when you wear them. Brazilets donates a portion of its proceeds to planting trees in Brazil!!! I have just purchased myself a

I have noticed that for a period after my husband asked for a divorce i was REALLY happy. New relationship...everything is okay, but now....everything is NOT okay. I am SO angry all the time. I shout, i scream, i swear, i get aggitated at the smallest things and this is even more than normal. There is a certain amount of shouting i do, but then that is to be expected, i have 4 animals and a 10 year old. I get frustrated. I HATE MYSELF (ugly, fat, cellulite, horrible person, scarred, wrinkles, grey hair, agoraphobic, mental health problems) > FRUSTRATED (because i hate my life/myself, but too scared to change) > ANGRY (because i am stuck like this and that i can't seem to improve, so i start projecting my anger outwards) > SCARED (that i will never be loved or in love) > INSECURE (that my friend will leave me because i am all of these things above) > JEALOUS (of gorgeous women that he comes in contact with) > UNTRUSTING (why would he remain faithful...

...i need some serious words of positivity and encouragement to help me get off my arse and stop being so fucking retarded and scared of what...thoughts? Feelings?....Making a complete idiot of myself in front of my "friend"...puking on him? Dying? Fainting? Screaming/shouting? All these things i fear would happen....lovely. I had an idea today about driving down to my sisters with him, she lives under a mile away, but just the thought sent my heart racing - what is that all about? Panic with association....? Great! I should be use to it by now, but i don't want to be scared of going out with him. For 7 years i wished for Arsewipe to be able to drive, thinking that would have made all the difference, now i have someone who does drive and i still can't go places. Afraid to do anything and go anywhere. Pathetic.

Oh my goodness...everything seems to be falling so nicely into place apart from me. I don't want to 'jinx' this...but my blokie is amazing. Absolutely amazing. I really never thought in my wildest dreams that i'd be lucky enough to be with someone who ticks 80% of my boxes. He is by no means perfect...but who is - right? On Friday he turns up with a 'present' for me. I mentioned to him about a week ago (in conversation) that i walked past the new Miss Selfridge that was being fitted out ready for its grand opening on Thursday and i'd seen a nice grey dress. Not imagining for one second that he was taking any of this in, i forgot about it. Afterall, us women, ALWAYS see lovely clothes we want to buy. Anyway...he was in my house for about 30 minutes and he mutters something, i asked him what he said and he said "Nothing!"... He stands at my counter and rolls a ciggie while i make a cuppa, then he hands me an envelope. "What's this?" I a...