BEING SARAH.......

My most gorgeous friend in the whole wide world is.....pregnant. At 21 weeks she is absolutely blooming. She looks stunning (cause she always does), her wee tummy is a perfect shape, and her baby (from the scan pictures) has her nose ;) I am SO happy for her and her fella....and because the old bag moved away in 2009, i don't get to see her that often, saying that, i see her MORE now than i did when she lived 5 minutes away. Of course she'll be naming the baby after me....SARAH....just kidding! She doesn't know what the sex is...but i have my feelings :)

Having very few memories of my early childhood, parents divorcing, us (mum, sister and me) moving to Clacton with the 'Man from across the road'....my sister does. She has vivid memories of the 'hell' we went through and she struggles terribly with the whole ordeal and i call it an ordeal because at her age of almost 41 it still rips her apart. Mentally it has fucked her up. She has decided to write about it. So far she has got to her teenage years and she just read me what she's written so far. Oh my gosh. To be honest i am thankful that i don't recall the early days. What we went through and what she CAN remember is horrible. Our life, growing up i wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. It was a VERY unhappy upbringing with a mixture of beatings, heads being banged together, arguments, my step fathers insanely wild temper and being punished for nothing more than leaving crumbs on a chair or leaving a cup on the side. As i got older i remember thing...

www.youtube.com/fighting4hope

www.youtube.com/fighting4hope

...laying in bed, scared to sleep in case i have another one of those hideous dreams that frightened the life out of me. Today i'm down and depressed. Fed up

Last night, i made a conscious effort to turn off my TV before midnight. I put my earphones in and listened to some lovely calming music combined with the sound of crashing waves. I set the timer for 45 minutes and managed to fall asleep. ..12.43am - i wake up from the most awful dream. I was driving down the road with my arsehole ex (who didn't drive, so thats strange) and we spot a plane taking off, it was pretty close. Suddenly the plane flipped over and crashed to the ground, this was all happening within 1/2 mile from where we were. As the impact was made, debris was going everywhere...people in the streets where being hit by the shattered plane. There was a man in front of our car, he looked up into the sky and i just knew there was something big heading toward him (and us)....at that point - thank God i woke. I was sweating...so hot, i had to change my clothes. It took me a good 2 hours to cool down, stop stressing and go back to sleep. DREAM MEANING DICTIONARY - To ...

..because i got up STUPID early, got made up, hair washed for an appointment with a NLP therapist today...but my boyfriend called me sick, so i didn't go...but here is my OOTD! I LOOK FAB......NOT! I'm wearing an H & M cream jumpery kind thing with a hood, of course. Under that is a white Next long sleeved t-shirt top, got my favourite Gap jeans that i've had for years and they are so comfy now and on my feet that you can't see are my circa. 1996 Adidas tennis shoes, love 'em. I've glued them back together a gazillion times!! My bag was a Christmas present from Accessorize! Done! FOR EM :) The front of them (the toe) is a suede like material, but they are completely messed up with alcohol where i use to work at the pub...and the insides are ruined. I bought them in May 1996, just before i went to Australia. JUNE 1996!!! NOW...