BEING SARAH.......

Good day to you all... I've been a shit blogger again and i really should make more of an effort to get back into it, but you know, i am trying to live my life the best i can right now and to be frank, it's hard... There is SO much going on.... I wouldn't even know where to begin. Firstly i am HAPPY despite a whole world of confusion going on in my head... I don't know how i feel in terms of the ex boyfriend and the current boyfriend.  All i know is that the current boyfriend wants to turn this 'TOM BOY' into a tart, and that's just not happening.  I am happy with my minimal make up, baggy jeans and Converse.  No one will ever turn this chick into a tart but it appears thats what he wants... 

Yes, i am still around. I've been MIA for 2 weeks...and i apologise.  I needed time to compose myself from the shit that i had been dealing with and now i am fine...absolutely over it. Sooo... I have started seeing someone new.  He's lovely... I am VERY lucky. Not giving anything else away right now... that's all i need to share.. I am smitten.   I think he really likes me... we'll see... That's it - that's all i have to share at the moment. Sarah is fucking happy...Blissfully happy. Got gorgeous friends, a lovely man, lovely home, beautiful house... everything is amazing.

...Still nothing, no explanation. One person has said to me that he's just moved on and used my mental health issue to make me look bad and that he couldn't cope with me anymore, when the reality is ONE breakdown (okay, it was bloody awful) but the rest of our time together i did LOADS of things and made LOADS of progress, so really it doesn't make sense. Sean had commitment issues, i knew that, i believe now he wanted to move on - but i am getting the blame.

Sean was a gorgeous boyfriend who for 3 years stood by me... In December/January/February i had a mental breakdown. It was a horrible time for everyone involved, but we came through it and i went on medication. End of April i suffered another minor setback , my meds needed to be adjusted.. but that setback pushed Sean too far and he could no longer cope with me or my illness. I KNOW being with someone with mental health problems is fucking hard.. i never said it would be easy - but i HONESTLY thought he'd never ever leave me *because he said he wouldn't*. However, the breakdown proved too much. 99% of the time, i believed and still DO believe we were happy. We laughed ALL the time.. I ALWAYS made him laugh... We went places i never ever thought i would be able to go to... He HELPED me and encouraged me to do that... He was amazing in that respect...and i will love him FOREVER for helping me. For the first time since 1996 last year i went on HOLIDAY - we had a lovely tim...

NO VLOG! I've been super busy all day with gardening, the weather has been gorgeous. I did loads and changed a lot of my back garden, it looks amazing. I then went and got some new flowers and planted them too! MY LIFE IS SO ROCK N ROLL!!! Tomorrow, more flower purchasing, more paint purchasing and......whatever else takes my fancy!