How it happened..
..fast forward to last Friday. I knew there was NO chance of us getting back together since i got a phone call that day....and he said that "IT WAS OVER". I seriously had given up. That night i went out to the pub and had a fabulous time....i laughed and i was told by many people that i am NOT a bad person and that the break up wasn't all my fault. YES i have faults, but so does he!
He was going away on Saturday because i was meant to be meeting him. I'd booked hotels (we were going to stay in 3 different ones. One in Ipswich, city shopping, then Gt Yarmouth - by the beach for Stink and then the last one in Acle, which was closer to where we were going to meet), i managed to cancel one...but the other i lost the deposits on. Anyway...i had had no contact with him, i just left it. He needed to get away...and i respected that. Little did i know that i had TWO exes giving him shit...I found out the my ex ex husband had been texting/calling him ALL weekend and my stupid (soon to be ex husband) also had sent him an email...shit stirring!!
Come Tuesday and i decided to write an email to him. My head was clear....i didn't write it to make him get back with me, quite the opposite. It was just explaining some of the reason why i did what i did. I honestly expected NOTHING back....it was something i felt i had to do, despite Miss Emma G thinking it was a bad idea... ;) I modified it several times, the first ones i basically blamed myself for it all - don't get me wrong, i did things i am NOT proud of and i will never mention them on here...but i also realised that he messed up too....with his drinking!!!
Anyway...i get an email back. I was shocked. But basically he said that he could understand more now why i did what i did and why i said what i said. Nothing more was said.
Later i get a text message "Can you please ask XXXXXX to stop texting me". My ex ex was STILL hassling him, he thought he was helping but at this point, he wasn't. So i sent one back apologising...and said that i would get him to stop.... A text or two later i get back "Love you Sarah". What the hell was i meant to do with that information gone midnight...my heart skipped a beat - i was so happy!! Yes i had come to terms with our relationship being over, but i never wanted it to be that way.
Wednesday, i get a text a work..."If you're not busy, can i come round later"....
He came over. We talked and talked. He brought up his drinking as HIS issue...and that he needs to address that...and me and my insecurities about him cheating...me not becoming a burden on him...pushing him away.... All these things, for me, had all but disappeared. The simple fact that he came back to me...MUST mean he A) DOES love me B) Doesn't want to be with ANYONE ELSE C) Rather surprisingly find me attractive.... D) Doesn't care about me being agoraphobic at all and will never see me as that burden!!!! My worries ARE STILL in the background, but thats where they are, and that is where i want them to stay.
I am so happy...
Being with him for the first 3 months, regardless of the hiccups and him not answering the phone (another issue he needs to address), i was bloody happy, more than happy....thats what made it so hard when it ended.
Right now, we are moving forward...not looking back...there is NO need to....what has happened, has happened, can't change it and i wouldn't want to change it, because i have learnt from it and he has he :)
He was going away on Saturday because i was meant to be meeting him. I'd booked hotels (we were going to stay in 3 different ones. One in Ipswich, city shopping, then Gt Yarmouth - by the beach for Stink and then the last one in Acle, which was closer to where we were going to meet), i managed to cancel one...but the other i lost the deposits on. Anyway...i had had no contact with him, i just left it. He needed to get away...and i respected that. Little did i know that i had TWO exes giving him shit...I found out the my ex ex husband had been texting/calling him ALL weekend and my stupid (soon to be ex husband) also had sent him an email...shit stirring!!
Come Tuesday and i decided to write an email to him. My head was clear....i didn't write it to make him get back with me, quite the opposite. It was just explaining some of the reason why i did what i did. I honestly expected NOTHING back....it was something i felt i had to do, despite Miss Emma G thinking it was a bad idea... ;) I modified it several times, the first ones i basically blamed myself for it all - don't get me wrong, i did things i am NOT proud of and i will never mention them on here...but i also realised that he messed up too....with his drinking!!!
Anyway...i get an email back. I was shocked. But basically he said that he could understand more now why i did what i did and why i said what i said. Nothing more was said.
Later i get a text message "Can you please ask XXXXXX to stop texting me". My ex ex was STILL hassling him, he thought he was helping but at this point, he wasn't. So i sent one back apologising...and said that i would get him to stop.... A text or two later i get back "Love you Sarah". What the hell was i meant to do with that information gone midnight...my heart skipped a beat - i was so happy!! Yes i had come to terms with our relationship being over, but i never wanted it to be that way.
Wednesday, i get a text a work..."If you're not busy, can i come round later"....
He came over. We talked and talked. He brought up his drinking as HIS issue...and that he needs to address that...and me and my insecurities about him cheating...me not becoming a burden on him...pushing him away.... All these things, for me, had all but disappeared. The simple fact that he came back to me...MUST mean he A) DOES love me B) Doesn't want to be with ANYONE ELSE C) Rather surprisingly find me attractive.... D) Doesn't care about me being agoraphobic at all and will never see me as that burden!!!! My worries ARE STILL in the background, but thats where they are, and that is where i want them to stay.
I am so happy...
Being with him for the first 3 months, regardless of the hiccups and him not answering the phone (another issue he needs to address), i was bloody happy, more than happy....thats what made it so hard when it ended.
Right now, we are moving forward...not looking back...there is NO need to....what has happened, has happened, can't change it and i wouldn't want to change it, because i have learnt from it and he has he :)
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Stay happy lovely lady XXX