My friend...
...advised me NOT to call the boyfriend today since he always gets moody when i do so i should leave it, no calls, no texts....and then what? He doesn't bother calling me. FFS. This is driving me insane.
Santa Pod..
My boy, his daddy and the "other" family are all off to SANTA POD this weekend. How exciting!! Stinky is car mad. He knows all cars, their makes, models, date of manufacture...everything, so going to there is going to be amazing for him :)
Comments
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Could you go see a film with your friend or your Mum instead?
I do know what you mean.. even when I try my hardest to look nice I will still immediately spot the effortlessly gorgeous women and wonder why on earth I bothered! But you are pretty and def need to stop putting yourself down.. His staring at other women has obv made you feel much worse and you really need a confidence boost.
Hope he sorts himself out soon x
I was sitting in the hospital today while waiting to have my boys cast off and this girl walks in, i'm guessing 23 - 26 ish... beach blonde gorgeous hair tied up in a scruffy bun, tanned, skinny, vest top with cleveage and baggy jeans - very beautiful... i felt so ugly. There are so many naturally pretty girls, i can't really blame him for looking...
I have NO confidence left... none.... i've never hated myself as much as i do now. It was bad enough when my ex use to call me ugly and all the rest of it, but he never gawped at other women...But what my boyfriend does now is worse...ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS!
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You are skinny, you are pretty.. from what Ive seen you're not grey, Im proper grey already(!), you always look nice.. casual but like youve made an effort.. you dont need make up, you had your friend over and you were happy in your own skin, Id be reapplying make up every 5 mins if I had a new hot fella in the house! Theres plenty to be said for being comfortable like that, I admire that.. and the fact you were able to have him stay there, I couldnt do it.
Theres so many women who aren't happy with the way they look.. I want to have bigger lips and boobs, thicker, fuller blonde hair, to have a nice body thats not boyish, a body that looks good in anything.. a pretty face that doesnt need make up. I know 31 isnt old, but I just feel old and past it.. Im not young and pretty (not that I ever was pretty, but I didnt have lines and dull skin 10 years ago!) and suddenly Ive realised how harsh fellas can be, they all seem to talk about the perfect women.. Recently I heard some moaning about the skin on a womans knees & elbows, she was gorgeous too, put apparently her skin wasnt!? I never knew they noticed that kinda stuff! Its hard enough without us being hard on ourselves.. Yet I cant help it either! I also know things could be much worse, but it still doesnt change how much I wish I could look the way I want.. it even makes me wonder if I wouldnt have this problem if I were prettier and more confident.. would going out be a breeze, would it make life easier in general.. would I be richer etc! I dunno.. maybe Im being mental now!
Ive proper rambled today!!
Whatever you say, I think youre pretty.. So there!! x
Skin on elbows, i just checked mine and they feel like a fricking oven scrubber..rough as hell. I don't know how the hell men think we can achieve this ideal they have.... unless of course you have countless amounts of money and spend it all on looking good.
My friend who will be 37 in November doesn't have a single wrinkle, no cellulite, no grey hairs, her eyes are sparkly, smooth skin, no spots or scars - she looks fabulous. Fuck knows where it all went wrong for me... There's too much that i despise now and i can't cope with it.
You are a very very attractive women. Perhaps if
you weren't constantly battling with stomach issues and felt well, you'd feel better all round. I would love to look like you.... Your fella is a lucky man and he needs to have his eyes poked out ;)
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Leave him to stew....dont ring him,,,,,and when he rings you just act cool....like you ahve been far to busy to call him anyway.
Secondly....SARAH and NIKKI....Im gonna come darrrnnnn saaarrrffff and kick your asses you are both beautiful....nothing wrong with dye....or cellulite or wrinkles....i dont dye yet (have the odd white one i pull out) but i have cellulite n wrinkles.....
He should not openly perv when he knows you feel insecure....its insensitive.....il come down there and give him what for if he doesnt get his act together
You deserve MORE x x x x
Cellulite and wrinkles i don't think are that attractive to men, then on top of that add a large dose of mentalness and no fucker will ever come near me....
;)
Do you think maybe your boyfriend sees what you write on here? Could that have p*ssed him off? and he is not telling you?
I was reading through all your posts a few moments ago, and my partner, who was next to me, asked me what I was reading, and so I mentioned a few things about it, and asked what did he think, and he said immediately that he would be totally p*ssed off if I wrote all about our relationship problems on the internet.
Thats a mans perspective though.
It just made me think if your boyfriend may have read some of your posts...
Have you heard from your boyfriend yet?
Look around you and count how many people ARE in fact drop dead gorgeous perfect specimens of what the magazines and media tell us is the perfect women. Come to my town and you'll soon be feeling like Venus goddess of gorgeousness by comparison! You are so lovely and I hate that you hate yourself so much because of the way other ignorant people have made you feel.
I don't blame you for not calling him. It must be hard to do but a taste of his own medicine might do him good.
Look after yourself beautiful. You are so worth it!
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In March 2009 I finally decided enough was enough and ended the relationship. It was one of the best things I ever did (although extremely hard at the time). I found I actually enjoyed being single and not having anyone to answer to. I started going out more and by August I was able to walk to town (about a mile away) by myself and by October I was able to cope with the half hour train journey to Cardiff, something I hadn't done for about 4 or 5 years! In November I met a wonderful and supportive man, fell head over heels in love and we're still happy together 20 months later :)
I'm not saying you should end things with your boyfriend. I'm just saying you really shouldn't put up with being treated like crap just because you don't think you can do any better. You are beautiful and intelligent and you deserve to be happy! It wasn't until I took the risk to break out of the rut I was in that I realised that for myself xx
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Where i live you either get really stunning girls or just plain ugly ones, there is no middle ground here....
He's got all the chat Steph, he does it for a living, he makes you feel like he understands everything and that's exactly how i felt when i first met him - so yeah, that was very attractive, and young girls are flattered if an older man likes them - and just as i've said in a previous comment, he's not ever really been single, so i think the proof that he can get the girls is there.
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You were really brave to do that. Looking back i wish i'd ended it with my ex before he did it, i was a fool to put up with that for 7 years, but at least with him i knew exactly were i stood. I knew he hated me, i knew he thought i was ugly, i knew he resented me cause he told me all the time, whereas my boyfriend blows hot and cold.. One minute he's lovely, then the next he's having a go at me for nothing... This is NO kind of relationship, like now for example i've seen him ONCE since LAST WEDNESDAY and he'll say to me he sees me all the time.... if i was to mention to him that we've not seen each other much. I may as well be on my own, i sleep alone every night....what's the point?
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About a month ago I felt proper depressed, didnt want to get up, didnt want to eat, I just wanted to go out and not come back.. My therapist wanted me to say 2 nice things about myself and that bought it all to a head. I couldnt do it, then I realised just how much I hate myself.. then I started going deeper into it.. being a crap parent, being rubbish with Simon not going out, being too shy, being ugly, a failure.. The list was endless.
I do that worry thing now, the list at the end of the day, that stops the endless worry and depressing thoughts all through the day..
I am still hard on myself, I still feel like Ive failed if Ive gone somewhere and panicked, but I am trying to be less harsh and to try and turn it around, find a positive instead and *try* to focus on that.
As far as looks are concerned I just have to accept that unless I win the lottery, this is me.. No amount of hatred and wishing will make me any different. I can tell you I think you're pretty, so can everyone else, but you wont believe any of us because its too ingrained. 7 years of someone telling you youre ugly wont be undone overnight, but you cant spend another 7 years feeling like crap. I already felt bad before I got with my ex, but in the 2-2.5 years with him he'd knocked every last bit of confidence out of me and I felt and believed I was worthless.. I still do half the time (maybe more).. this stuff doesnt go away. Theres no doubt about how much a negative impact bad people can have on us.. so many times of being told how horrible you are will eventually sink in, and if you werent that confident in yourself to start with it only makes matters worse. Anything nice will go over my head, but the negative stuff stays in, proves me right and makes much more sense.. its something to work on.
You need to find something nice about yourself.. inside and out. Your hair always looks nice to me, you're articulate, a good friend to people. If you hate your skin that much buy a clarisonic brush, its done wonders for me and helps a little bit with the wrinkles. If it doesnt work, stick it on the bay, they go for about the same as what you paid anyway. I use Dead Sea Magik overnight moisturiser and my skin always looks a bit brighter in the morning (as with all moisturisers I have to be careful because of the spots). If you think make up sinks into wrinkles try a primer or a good foundation, that Nars sheer glow is nice (doesnt last long on my skin though - im too oily). Theres allsorts you could give a go just to give you a boost as a temp measure.. something like that might give you the kick start to feeling a bit better.. But dont go believing you need make up to look nice, you dont (some do, like me!!)
Hope youve still not called him!
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Like you - mine doesn't stop at being ugly - it runs deeper into my personality, my ability as a mother, sister, friend, daughter - the lot. There is also a reason why my dad has contact with his other 3 children but me - not so much. I'm lucky to get 2/3 phonecalls a year (and that's being generous), but yet my sister speaks to him once a week.
There is a common factor in all of this and that's me. Maybe they are embarrassed of me, my mental problems, the way i look, the fact that i live in a council house and done absolutely fuck all with my life. Left school with B/C grades and worked in a solicitors for 2 years then an engineering company, got knocked up by a bloke that wanted nowt to do with me, or his son, married/divorced/married/divorced/got mental/can't leave the house.... NOT much to be proud of there.
I'm just an all round failure.... There is nothing good at all.
Sometimes i just wish i wasn't here.
I had an average looking boyfriend who ran off with a beautiful woman ten years younger too. Despite not being God's gift he could pull every time because of his sense of fun, the charm, charisma, flattery, looked like he'd take care of them blah blah. It's all so fake and a bit sad really.
PS. I think Stinky might be sad if you were not here, and your Mum and Bluebell, your boyfriend and your Welsh friend and the others and me and all the people here who care about you....sighs :(
Ask your dad why he doesnt call you, find out. you need answers.. if he goes in a huff, what do you have to lose, one of your four phone calls a year!? Again.. You have done nothing wrong.. were you a terrible kid, did you hurt people.. Maybe if you ever did act up or whatever it was because you knew your sister hated you. Maybe you needed a bit more love because you felt how much did hated you.. maybe your dad couldnt be arsed giving you extra love, attention or care.. Again, on him.
Maybe the biggest thing you're guilty of is allowing people to do this to you. If your bf doesnt change you can stick around showing him its ok to continue treating you as he is, probably getting worse along the way, or you can stand up for yourself and leave him. You have your house that looks lovely, a nice garden, a good son who you have bought up well.. Leave him to be toxic with someone else.. some young girl who knows no better, who thinks that maybe this is whats normal.. They will soon tire of him too, grow up a bit and realise its not right. Ever think thats why hes picked them young?!
Everytime you feel like this you have to ask yourself.. if my best friend told me all this, then blamed herself for the whole lot, would I say 'yeah, you're right it is your fault'.. or 'no, dont be so silly. Unfortunately youve not had the best of fathers (now youve had some pretty shit partners too btw.. you dont see why, how, or where the pattern is!?.. your sibling made life upsetting and hard.. During the time you're growing, finding out what life is like, learning how you should be treated etc, you have all that horrible stuff going on. Hardly your fault.
You are WAY too hard on yourself. You need your friends around you, a good film, nice food.. something to cheer you up so you can pick yourself up a little.
And don't buy into the 'Im sorry' just yet.. Like you say: actions speak louder than words!
Xx
I'm not so sure about the baby making thing since he hates kids! ;-(
You've been through it too, what is it with them that make them think they are so desirable to the opposite sex? I think *REALLY* what does he have to offer....? No commitment/a relationship all on his terms/and an alcohol addiction.....
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Yes, it was all jealousy where my sister is concerned. I've spoken to my dad about it before and he says that he's tried his hardest (cough bullshit).
I wasn't a bad kid no, i wasn't mean to anyone apart from the girl who stole my ginger biscuits in primary school but she didn't even go to my senior school!!
I should leave him to get on with it and i am so close to saying 'That's it'.... really close, closer than i've ever been, but i'm that person who clings onto a glimmer of hope that he will change. He knows i am mad, because i said something and i don't do that, that's not me.
What i don't get is if he's that bad, how could the other girls put up with it for 4 years (at the most), perhaps he wasn't like that with them? I'll never know....
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! xx