A letter to Mrs California
Dear Mrs Ca.
We "met" in 2002 on an internet forum. We quickly became internet friends because you too were suffering with agoraphobia, married with a child who was not too much younger than my son at the time. It seemed we had an awful lot in common. We chatted for hours, most days, then we started talking on the phone. We had a few misunderstandings but still, that's what "friends" do, bicker sometimes.
In 2005 i invited you into my world, my life....but wowzers, didn't i fuck that one up!? I found an old email from you yesterday (when i hooked up my old laptop that had been buried away for zions). And since i know you STILL read my blog, bless you, i thought perhaps you'd like to read a little something about yourself, because today, i am a little bored and feeling a tad hormonal, so here goes.
1.5 years ago, I met you after 4 years of talking to you online. And in person, you're pretty much the weirdest person I have ever come accross short of the paranoid schizophrenics wandering the street homeless in San Francisco. You can not say things in a normal quiet tone. Everything comes out in a high pitched shrill that probably makes all the dogs in the neighborhood go bezerck. You are rude to everyone you come accross, on the street, at the shops, to your own family and most likely to your friends....well, if you had any. It doesn't take a psychiatrist to figure out why you don't. I realize you have many confessed mental health issues...anxiety, panic, depression, bulimia, cutting....but that doesn't excuse you from being mean and nasty to the people you love, or anyone else for that matter. In addition to these fine qualities, you manipulate the shit out of your entire family. Your poor mother, really.
The thing is Sarah, I too had a severe panic disorder for years. I have been to the depths of depression and back again on several occasions. I understand your *issues*, but you can not use them as an excuse to be like you are.
Your words cut me deep, really deep, at the time.
Why would I want to read your blog? When will you realize that I don't give a flying fuck about whats going on in your life.
However here we are, and you're still reading? Not that i mind, because it just shows you can't bare not to have a daily dose of ME! Cute. ;)
Lets not forget the part when you accused my husband of giving you the eye, or when you said this...
You're husband married the freakiest bitch of all. He must have fucked up on his karma bad to deserve you ;) Question...does he have to put a bag over your head to fuck you?
I really wish i had kept all the lovely stuff you said to me, but this is all i have left. Memories of a beautiful friendship gone bad.
Thing is, at the time i believed every word you said. You convinced me i was rude to people in the street, shop keepers, anyone and everyone, but after getting my head together i realised that you were just a unusual young lady who had done this kind of thing to other girls who you had stayed with, so why i was surprised OR shocked is quite funny looking back.
You destroyed what little confidence i had left. Between you and my ex husband, you both messed my head right up and i can say ALL this now, because i am stronger and happier than i've ever been.
Mrs Ca. I do forgive you for all you did and said. I hold no bad feelings toward you, because i'm bigger than that. You did hurt me - but whatever, you said what you did because you felt the need to, and that's fine.
Hope you're having fun in your life and you can see i am finally turning mine around, slowly.
Take care now,
Sarah x
We "met" in 2002 on an internet forum. We quickly became internet friends because you too were suffering with agoraphobia, married with a child who was not too much younger than my son at the time. It seemed we had an awful lot in common. We chatted for hours, most days, then we started talking on the phone. We had a few misunderstandings but still, that's what "friends" do, bicker sometimes.
In 2005 i invited you into my world, my life....but wowzers, didn't i fuck that one up!? I found an old email from you yesterday (when i hooked up my old laptop that had been buried away for zions). And since i know you STILL read my blog, bless you, i thought perhaps you'd like to read a little something about yourself, because today, i am a little bored and feeling a tad hormonal, so here goes.
1.5 years ago, I met you after 4 years of talking to you online. And in person, you're pretty much the weirdest person I have ever come accross short of the paranoid schizophrenics wandering the street homeless in San Francisco. You can not say things in a normal quiet tone. Everything comes out in a high pitched shrill that probably makes all the dogs in the neighborhood go bezerck. You are rude to everyone you come accross, on the street, at the shops, to your own family and most likely to your friends....well, if you had any. It doesn't take a psychiatrist to figure out why you don't. I realize you have many confessed mental health issues...anxiety, panic, depression, bulimia, cutting....but that doesn't excuse you from being mean and nasty to the people you love, or anyone else for that matter. In addition to these fine qualities, you manipulate the shit out of your entire family. Your poor mother, really.
The thing is Sarah, I too had a severe panic disorder for years. I have been to the depths of depression and back again on several occasions. I understand your *issues*, but you can not use them as an excuse to be like you are.
Your words cut me deep, really deep, at the time.
Why would I want to read your blog? When will you realize that I don't give a flying fuck about whats going on in your life.
However here we are, and you're still reading? Not that i mind, because it just shows you can't bare not to have a daily dose of ME! Cute. ;)
Lets not forget the part when you accused my husband of giving you the eye, or when you said this...
You're husband married the freakiest bitch of all. He must have fucked up on his karma bad to deserve you ;) Question...does he have to put a bag over your head to fuck you?
I really wish i had kept all the lovely stuff you said to me, but this is all i have left. Memories of a beautiful friendship gone bad.
Thing is, at the time i believed every word you said. You convinced me i was rude to people in the street, shop keepers, anyone and everyone, but after getting my head together i realised that you were just a unusual young lady who had done this kind of thing to other girls who you had stayed with, so why i was surprised OR shocked is quite funny looking back.
You destroyed what little confidence i had left. Between you and my ex husband, you both messed my head right up and i can say ALL this now, because i am stronger and happier than i've ever been.
Mrs Ca. I do forgive you for all you did and said. I hold no bad feelings toward you, because i'm bigger than that. You did hurt me - but whatever, you said what you did because you felt the need to, and that's fine.
Hope you're having fun in your life and you can see i am finally turning mine around, slowly.
Take care now,
Sarah x
Comments
i couldnt get close to anyone on the internet for ages after that,i have a friend that a talk to quite often by email or on chat but we never talk on the phone cos i'm too scared too ;0( but i really cant get over what this person said to you,i bet ur anxiety and self esteem did get a lot lot worse after that cos i know mine would,and u can tell ur nothing like that after watching ur you tube vids and reading ur blog ur just normal like the rest of us but saying that i wouldnt call myself normal ha ha,your such a sweet person i wonder why she turned on you in this way what a total freak and i wouldnt forgive her for saying stuff about putting a bag over ur head cos thats just the pitts the lowest of the low and i bet she was stunning was she?i think not,she sure wasnt inside anyway and i dont think she will ever find happiness wiv an attitude like that.
poor you sorry u went through this {{{hugs}}} x♥x
why do people suddenly just change like that?but still i ztand by the fact she wasnt as pretty as you are and obviously nowhere near as nice with a kind heart like you,but it must make u really sad watching that video ;0(
i never trust anybody 100% except for my fella and one of my sisters,the girl looked pretty normal but then again to email u such horrid things then she musnt have been,and i bet ur boyfriend wasnt giving her the eye and if he was then he must be an even bigger idiot cos anyone can see ur stunning xxxx
Yeah, she flew over and stayed with me for about 5 days. I *thought* we had a lovely time, but it became obvious that my hospitality wasn't up to her standards, nor the way i screeched! Yes, i am loud - i've been told that many times, but not in a negative way.
I can't believe that women did that to you, that would have broken my heart too, you definitely did the right thing not contacting her again. After all this shit kicked off with me (and it wasn't the first time), it took me ages to talk to anyone online again, then i started talking to a lovely girl Emma, who helped me through the horrible split with my boyfriend, she was there for me everyday, calling me and i love her for it.
The bag comment wasn't too bad, i remember one comment she said was that i should become a Muslim so i could wear a Burka to cover up my face/body. There was a million insults on my appearance KNOWING how i hated myself already.
I'm not saying i didn't throw insults back, because i did and i felt that i'd been totally used, let someone in and then they do nothing but slag you off to everyone possible.
It did make me sad at the time, and putting those pictures together i felt nothing apart from my seeing my ex husband and also my NOW boyfriend is on it cutting her hair! How funny is that???
She wasn't a "friend" Vinny, because friends don't do OR say those things to each other, no matter how bad things get. I've had friends for 30 years+ that i've never fallen out with, and my best friend (who is also on the film, brown bob standing in the picture with the 4 of us), we've NEVER argued, we just have time out...and then we get back into it again. No slagging off, calling names...nothing.
I trust no one, apart from my mother. I've trusted men before and they've either cheated on me OR abused me...so blah to that!
Good luck to my (ex) husband if he was giving her the eye, the are welcome to each other, very well suited :)
x