Unspoken illness...

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My boyfriend is a hairdresser, i don't know if i had mentioned it before.

He speaks to many, many people, every single day... and much to my horror...he likes to talk about me...and my illness. NOT in bad way, just because he's Mr Chatty-Chatterson.

I just got off the phone to him and he's currently in the middle of colouring an ex girlfriends hair. He was talking about me and it turns out that she also suffers from panic attacks stemming from a car crash and so does her husband, who has stress related panic.

Before he was with me, panic attacks, mental health never entered his head, but since being with me..he's eyes have been opened. He said that he can't believe that SO many people who he "does" either have some form of mental health problem themselves...or know of someone who does.

Panic (to me personally) is really embarrassing, not only because people don't understand why...and neither did my boyfriend until 4 months ago, but i HATE trying to explain panic. You say that word and it sounds daft. "I CAN'T GO OUT"...."But why?"..."Because i have panic attacks when i go out..."..."HUH!?"

For me the very WORST thing about having this bullshit illness that i fucking hate...is that my HEAD my MIND is perfectly clear and KNOWS there is fuck all scary out there - but my body reacts different, thus causing my head to think FUUUUUCK!!!!

Someone, anyone...tell me please....how can this be beaten....

Comments

Emma said…
It can not be beaten, just controlled.
I have some wise words for you- will call you.. x
09/10/2009, 15:33
Drew said…
You know how it can be beaten, Sarah. You just don't want to do it because it scares the stuffings out of you.

The panic is based on nothing - irrational and unfounded fear of fear itself. You just have to let yourself panic, let it get as bad as it can get, but don't run from it. Do that every day for two weeks and you'd be surprised at how much larger the world will get for you again. This is not to say that complete recovery is two weeks away, but the first steps are huge leaps forward if you can get through them.

Emma is right in that you might have panic attacks now and then for the rest of your life. The thing is they don't have to dictate the course of your entire life.
09/10/2009, 18:58
em said…
hi sarah

i think hiding the fact too doesnt help. ive been the same. why would you want to tell anyone? although its good for you boyfriend to openly discuss things, makes it less of a secret. ive found that helps in the past. x
09/10/2009, 20:15
coffeecup said…
Hi gorgeous, I'm still here :-)

It's incredible isn't it? So many people suffering with panic and yet it's too hard to talk about. For me it's because I'm ashamed. It's so bad that now I can't talk at all as agoraphobia is so big in my life it feels as though that's all there is. People who don't understand will not want to listen to me banging on about why I won't do this or that without this ridiculous amount of stress and anxiety. Before you know it, you can dig a real big hole for yourself by keeping to yourself.

Happy to hear your boyfriend is enlightening people with a few facts and listening to their stories.

Can it be beaten? Wish I knew how too!!! XXX
09/10/2009, 23:03
Amy said…
I'm another one who doesn't talk about it (and I lurked both yours and Coffeecups blogs for a very long time before I ever got up the courage to say anything). Even with family, it's just plain humiliating. I had to ask my Mum today to back me up if I need her to for an appointment my daughter has (who am I kidding? I don't need back up, I need her to take her!).

It's definitely not a rare thing though. My husband talks sometimes too and often discovers other people with panic disorders.

I do hope that it can be beaten!
10/10/2009, 09:52
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