My problem..

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...is that i think i am too submissive.

I live my life walking over egg-shells as to not say the wrong thing, in case i lose or upset that person. ((I am talking in general here.))

Just talking to my friend and she was mentioning that when she's out, she won't move out of the way if someone is coming toward her, whereas i, i WILL move, i always hold doors open for people, i apologise constantly for anything, in fact one day, someone actually said "Why do you say sorry? You've done nothing wrong". It's in my nature to make sure that i don't offend anyone. Okay, there ARE times when people piss me off, but mostly, i will hold it in.

If i have a problem with my boyfriend, i am too afraid to say how i feel, he *thinks* i do - but no...i REALLY don't.

I had 7 years of being scared to say how i felt,the threat of being dumped loomed over my head...and i guess that has followed me into this relationship. There are a lot of things that i would like to say, but i am scared of the consequences.

I really need to start thinking about ME...and caring about MY feelings.

If people don't like what i have to say, then surely, that's THEIR problem, not mine.

It's time to get selfish.

Comments

coffeecup said…
Goodness that was insightful! Opening doors isn't submissive is it? Oh dear. I thought I was just being polite. Hate when they don't say thanks tho!

It's awful not being able to say what you really feel. I totally relate to walking on egg shells, my last relationship was exactly the same. I say sorry all the time too, even when there's nothing to be sorry about. Maybe it's not a bad thing to be sooo nice to people, but when you have things that need to be said, then it's like shoving the cork in the bottle and the internal pressure builds up.

You couldn't be selfish, it's not in your nature. Try calling it being 'assertive'? :-)
17/01/2010, 13:01
Sarah♥ said…
Gorgeous, beautiful Steph, hope you're well... :)

Assertive/selfish...bottom line, i need to grow some balls and stop letting people walk all over me, because they KNOW i will not react. Being with ARSEWIPE, i became just so scared of saying what i wanted, because i knew he'd leave me - waste of time that was...!!!! I should have stood up for what i believed and how i felt.

x
17/01/2010, 13:05
coffeecup said…
Ditto that beautiful lady. Sometimes though it makes no difference standing up to someone or being passive and forgiving, if they're treating you like a doormat then it's doomed to failure, right? Lesson learned.

Sounds like you've grown a lot since then. Follow your heart and you'll do alright. Stay happy lovely xxx
17/01/2010, 20:25
Robert said…
...i am too afraid to say how i feel, he *thinks* i d0...

You don't need to be selfish or assertive - you need to be honest with your boyfriend. He needs to know your needs and understand your feelings if he is to build a proper relationship with you. You'd want him to be open with you, wouldn't you? He seems a caring bloke, so let him know how to support you and help you grow.
18/01/2010, 02:36
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