It would be fair to say..

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..that i have turned into the bitch from hell.  Yes.  I. Have.

Over the last 2 weeks (just before Christmas) i have been nothing but bloody miserable.  I'm not talking about depressed miserable, but i've been that too, i am just talking about grumpy.  It could be a combination of things... and this is what i think..

1)  I've been ill for weeks.
2)  I am seriously stressed about the upcoming decorating that is going to be happening.
3)  Lack of cigarettes.
4)  (Something personal)
5)  Rows between me and the BF when he's been drunk
6)  Not sleeping
7)  Exhastion

So.. these things all added up makes me fooking grumpy and i must admit i have been taking it out on my BF.. Snappy, argumentative...cold....just nasty.  Thing is, i am not denying it, i KNOW i've been horrible and i even said to my mother, i have been awful to my boyfriend... We've just been bickering constantly for 2 weeks...  Anyway... he calls me up today and dumps me.  Can't blame him really... I deserved it.   So i take a knife to my arm (like a knee jerk reaction) and cut myself badly... the worst i have ever done it... Not just once, 3/4/5 times... This is never going to cover..... I messed up and i can't do/say anything apart from apologise....

...Luckily...He loves me and soon retracts his dumping... but i am left with a very sore arm...
Flipping idiot.

Comments

WillowKat11 said…
Oh Hun :( so sorry, i don't know what to say, but honestly as much as you think you've been horrible your BF hasn't make it very easy to be nice either, so i don't think you should blame it all on yourself or take it out on yourself, i had a bit of a meltdown on xmas too, i think it brings the worst in us anxious types, we can try to hold it back but it comes out in other ways, not always healthy. Just please talk to someone before you try to cut yourself again.

Glad the BF changed his mind, you two should have a good talk about things and try to make this New Year a better start for the both of you, good luck.

PS: do you know how Steph is from The Panic Room? i'm a bit worried about her, can't read her blog anymore as it's now invitation only :(
07/01/2012, 04:23
Kaci said…
Oh, Sarah...I hope that you are okay! And I agree, you may think that you've been difficult but your bf hasn't been Mr. Easy-To-Get-Along-With himself. Don't put all the blame on yourself! A relationship is two people. I know how it feels, I've also put all the blame on myself but now I know that it wasn't just me. My last break-up was terrible too, I ended up cutting my arm and it was a lot worse than I had ever done too. And afterwards, it made me really sad I'd wanna hurt myself that way so I've tried a lot harder on calling someone when I feel that bad. I hope that things are better. Big hugs!
09/01/2012, 02:04
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