This is me right now...
...With all the strange going's on with my body i have (obviously) convinced myself i have MS or worse than that ALS. I am shitting myself. I have been doing endless tests on my hands this morning, because what do you know, it appears that i have a problem with my *Ulnar Nerve*. I have weakness in my pinky.... and ulnar nerve problems are caused by... MS/ALS! I have a constant skin crawling sensation all over my face... i am really scared.
I am fixed up with a EMG on the 21st February... Panic time.
Comments
The most annoying thing is that you will be indulged and that you are taking resources from those who really are ill.
Stop it. You are well
Get inside my mind and see how well i am/i feel. Do i feel that i am taking resources from others? No. I FEEL ILL. I KNOW i am unwell, why should i not receive treatment? We could open a whole can of worms saying people who drink and suffer the effect from alcoholism shouldn't be treated, or smokers/drug users.. people who get pissed and fight their way to oblivion, they shouldn't get help.. People with eating disorders....do they not deserve help?? EVERYONE deserves help regardless of their history or background. Mine is ONE appointment. I WILL take it.
Thank you for your response though... :)
Everyone has a right to find out if they are truly ill or not. If not, great. At least you know and can stop being scared about it. Please don't allow people to make you feel bad about it.
I was lucky with my knee problems. A doctor, a physio, an MRI and operation - done!! However, It took me many years to finally pluck up the courage to actually get the operation done.
I am not going to feel bad about getting tested for whatever it is they are testing for. I deserve it as much as the next person.
Thanks :)
if you feel the way you do then absolutely you should be tested..regardless of what other people might think! i might not have had ms like i thought but it helped me recognise what was actually wrong and get the treatment for that so it was well worth it. xxxxxxxxx
if you feel the way you do then absolutely you should be tested..regardless of what other people might think! i might not have had ms like i thought but it helped me recognise what was actually wrong and get the treatment for that so it was well worth it. xxxxxxxxx
My advice for you would be to get a voluntary job. Something that gets you out the house even if its 2 minutes from your house, or a job that you can do maybe 1 shift a week in a restaurant , bar , quiet shop. I guarantee that in a couple of weeks your symptoms will disappear. I know from experience. You cannot stay the rest of your life cooped up in your house fixing your garden and redecorating. You need to get back into society.
I know this sounds harsh and you definietly wont like what im saying but you need to get it together. for yourself and for your son
Doing that also does not make symptoms disappear as i HAVE done it and believe me, i was so much worse than before and then became agoraphobic.
Keep getting out how you do Sarah and have ALL tests you are entitled to like any other person in society! The worst that will happen is you get told you are fine, and anxiety wise that will help you to find some peace and ignore the symptoms better, and if there IS something wrong, you DO need to find out. Dont do what I did and let them NOT test you because you are ignored just because you have anxiety. i could have ended up with brain damage just for the sake of a simple blood test.
Good luck beutiful and i am sure you will be okay xxxx
Oh dear God, you know what - if "Fixing my garden" in the summer and redecorating my house is what i enjoy doing, i will fucking do it. I am SO not up for bullshit right now.
WORK!? IN A BAR? A SHOP!? Surely you're taking the piss? 2 minutes from my house is nothing.... I can't fucking WALK let alone leave the house and go anywhere.
I am really unhappy right now and these comments are best left at the moment. I DO NOT NEED TO SEE THIS KIND OF USELESS ADVICE.
why dont do you do some work from home then. do an online course at the open university, the will even fund you for it. that way when you can get back into work you have some qualifications.
im genuinely not trying to be a bitch. im trying to help you get out this rut you seem to have got yourself into from reading your blog.
im talking from my own experience of agoraphobia miss fiona, which is another thing.
you obviously can if you put your mind too it if you went on holiday etc. its not exactly going to be fun or enjoyable in the slightly but you can do it if you put your mind too.
call it useless advice just trying to give you the constructiveadvice that made me better. what helped me go back to university, what helped me be able to go to paris this month. it was not useless advice for me it was the best fucking thing i ever did.
My sister who had the same problems and found out 4 weeks ago she has a brain tumor that will be operated on within the next month was also entitled to have her tests and boy am i glad she did and that no-one prevented her from having access to the tests because of psychological reasons.
Everyone is different in their recovery and experience with agoraphobia and anxiety/panic disorder, no two people are alike in what works for them and what will assist with getting better at coping, if there was one set of things to follow, it would be amazing and so easy, but things dont work like that as i am sure you would know from being an 'agoraphobia sufferer' and also that we have set backs and rough patches before we come through the other end.
Sarah worked in a pub once, and she did great. Don't know what happened to it, but she did do it.
However, right now she just needs to hear people sympathize with her because she thinks she's dying. Advice or common sense is not welcome at this time. Let her have her time to be worry...and if she's diagnosed with something, she is. If she's not, she'll be back to getting well. She's been so very close before, and sick or not sick (with something other than mental illness), she'll get there again.
Let us all remember, we are ALL dying. Every day we are one day closer to our deaths. You need to ENJOY life as best you can, no matter what state of mind you are in. If its redecorating and gardening over traveling or leaving home, that that's what it is.
I really had no set points to this ramble.
Sarah; just live your life as happy as you can. Sick or well. You only live once.
I don;t know what you have written cuase quite franky as i do every night since i have been scared i get really really pissed...
Just want you to know that i thank you for everythiung you have dine and you will always be a little bit special to me.
Sarah W.
I would bet my last penny that there is nothing physically wrong with you.
You must focus on your son and try to put his needs first. Then you might get some perspective and realise that needless worry is making you sick.
You are the epitome of the 'worried well'
This is MY blog and i am expressing how i am feeling and what i am feeling at this moment. If you don't like it, go away. Simple. I don't need any more negativity right now that what i am already experiencing.
I understand that you are recovered. I tried in vein for years to help other agoraphobic (especially this Sarah) recover too...I have tried ever angle, including writing stern angry comments like yours which were written out of pure frustration. But nothing worked. I can tell you that out of my years of attempts to help agoraphobics get well, I have not helped anyone. Not one. Why? Is it me? Am I just not helpful? NO. It's them. You need to put yourself in their shoes. Remember how you were. And understand one thing: no one can help them except themselves. When they are truly ready, they will find the key to unlock their recovery. Just as it was with you. Just as it was with me. And one day, when they have recovered...they will finally understand what I mean. Its just like losing weight. We all know it's possible...but you have to be emotionally ready and determined to do it. There has to be a reason to want to stopping eating crap and start hitting the gym, even it it's painful. It has to come from with in you. No one can make you do it but you.
So I understand where you are coming from, but please just stop with the comments. Ive written the same stuff over the years, and on this same blog even...and it's always the same results: you just get jumped on with the same type of backlash. One day, they'll understand, and they'll prob even do the same thing trying to help people. But in the end the same thing will always be true: they'll recover on their own time in their own way at their own pace, when they are truly ready.
For the agoraphobic readers on this blog: it may take 20 years for your "ah ha" moment, but it will come. One lady I am friends with in my personal life suffered for 20 years, until one day after prob one of the worst panic attacks of her life, she said she just shouted to the ceiling "I AM DONE!!" she was just fed up. And then she was ready to fight for her freedom. For me, I was reading a flyer about a benefit for a leukemia patient who discovered he only had days to live. It scared the shit out of me...if it was me getting that diagnosis, I'd hate myself for dying an agoraphobic. I wanted to travel the world! Everyone has something that is going to make them want to truly fight for your freedom. You'll find it. Just remember, you only live once. Do you want to live the rest if your life this way? Prob not. So find that motivation, and fight. You CAN do it.
I love hearing that people have recovered and i have every faith that sarah will do it again :-D
It really is a sudden realization. That has been the one common thread between recovered agoraphobics that I've seen. Looking back at my agoraphobic years ... I just don't even understand them. I don't know why I thought the things I did, because it seems so idiotic to me now. I think that is why "normal" people act the way they do towards agoraphobics...because it seems like such a stupid thing looking at it from the outside! But I KNOW what it's like being on the inside! When I recovered and I went to meet Sarah (flying from California to England)...I got to experience from being around her what it's like to be WITH an agoraphobic. I'd never been around one before, I'd only BEEN one! It was such a different view of agoraphobia. And I could finally see why people would get so frustrated with me. There is just no way to understand agoraphobia unless you're been agoraphobic!
But the truth is, it IS silly thinking. There is nothing stopping you from going out, except you. And the truth in that sucks! It makes you hate yourself, doesn't it? Why can't you be normal, you think to yourself. I have to be honest, I have gained 60lbs in the last few years, and I feel the exact same way about being obese (OBESE!) as I did when I was agoraphobic. I know its going to be the same process for me to get healthy and lose weight as it was for getting over agoraphobic. Because it's basically the same thing...its a mental thing. It's forcing yourself to do things you don't want to do..because you know it will make you healthier and better. It's not retreating to bad habits (food/anxiety/your house) when things are stressful. It's believing in yourself, that you CAN get better/lose weight. Its a choice to push yourself outside and in situations you don't want to be in.
And like when I was agoraphobic, there are times where I just say "Fuck it, I'll just stay fat". Replace fat with "in". Because you're either too scared, or you don't believe you can ever be free/thin. And then you get depressed and you stop trying because you think you're useless anyways.
Until..one day...something clicks. And you say to yourself..THIS TIME I'm doing it. Because I don't want to live like this anymore. And you keep moving forward. And you start being kinder to yourself when you slip back into a bad habit. So then instead of hating yourself for slipping up, you just dust yourself off and keep moving forward.
But it has to all come from you. And only you. You can do it..when you're ready. If you're not ready, you'll just crumple into a pile of anxiety when you push yourself too much just for the sake of someone else, pressure from people, etc... So do it when YOU are ready. And yes, you can do it FOR someone like your kids, but really, at the end of the day, you have to do it for YOU.
(Thanks for letting me write this - cause I need to remind MYSELF of these things too!)