The last couple of days...

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I have accepted i am dying. It's ALS. Another hideous autoimmune disease.

What CONFIRMED it for me today was that i was experiencing (and have been for ages now), severe weakness, internal vibrations and twitches in my body, especially my legs - so i finally gave up and took a diazepam to make it go away, because it WOULD if i was ONLY experiencing 'anxiety'..... and low and behold, the symptoms remained, all fucking day long.

When i stand on my legs they are so very weak, they shake, i have NO strength in the any more...not only that, right now even with no weight on them, the vibrations are terrible and the twitching - the same. This is all to do with the nerves responding to the muscle dying.

I have tingling in my right foot when i touch the top of it which runs down into my numb little toe and 4th toe. My ulnar nerve also right side is so sensitive and i have no strength in my little finger what-so-ever.

I can barely get a sentence out without slurring either... I have given up.

I am exhausted. I just want the diagnoses.
I've started getting things in order now for when i am no longer here. I need to do it while i still have strength in my hands to carry out tasks.

Comments

Jill said…
Sarah I am so sorry for your suffering lately. You are so loved. I hope you can feel some of the healing energy and prayers coming your way. Take care, friend.
01/02/2012, 19:22
Miss F said…
this sounds so similar to when i was hospitalised for 2 weeks ad it ended up just being B12, did you end up getting the injection for it?
Dont give up and think the worst lovely.
Thinking of you xx
01/02/2012, 20:32
Sarah O said…
I think you're malnourished. Everything you are experiencing is stuff I felt when I was 82lbs and hardly ever ate. You definitely need blood tests to show you that you're missing valuable nutrients, and perhaps you'll finally wake up to the fact that your anorexia/bulimia is making you sick. You don't die from anorexia from being too skinny, you die from organ failure for years of weakening your organs from malnutrition. So when you're done being tested for all the other stuff (and it being negative), PLEASE treat your eating disorder! You can't die from anxiety/depression type mental issues (in general), but you can die from an eating disorder!
02/02/2012, 17:58
Sarah♥ said…
Bloods all negative.
Just waiting for the EMG to be proved positive.
02/02/2012, 19:22
vinny said…
i don't think ur gonna die hun even though it probably feels like you are,sounds more like a mild stroke to me,let us know how it goes,god i worry bout you so much but try stay posative and make sure you try keep eating and plenty of fluids xxxxx
03/02/2012, 00:40
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