BEING SARAH.......

That people is the bottom of my foot, where 20 minutes before going out today, i trod on my hair straighteners. Please do not try this at home..... OUCHY!

I am all over the place today. I don't feel that great. I hate my acne ridden skin (been this way for weeks and weeks now). My head is telling me all crazy things, i am back thinking my relationship is a ticking time-bomb. I am so ready for some kind of commitment. Not saying marriage, engagement, moving in, babies because i have accepted that none of those things are going to happen, but after almost 2 years of being together (in 10 weeks), we're moving nowhere and it hurts. I am just not worth it? I sit and look at him and i love him so much, but because commitment is 'off the cards' i feel like a sack of shit. I don't know how long i can keep this up. I'm not getting any younger..... :(

...of my boyfriends garden! We both ache like crazy today, i guess it was the scrubbing of the patio, not forgetting then the digging of the earth...weeding....turf laying.... ;) I'm all about de-cluttering. As you can see i have removed everything off the patio AND the little fence at the front of his garden (also where the shingle was) has gone. I think we did a really good job. Perhaps that is my talent? Gardening? I should do it as a job.... :)

..it's as if i don't have agoraphobia. Had the PERFECT day with my BF. We did a lot of nipping around to different places, as well as me (the garden warrior) completely transforming his back garden into something that I AM PROUD OF! Spent ages scrubbing his patio, then i weeded, then i got up all his shingle (i don't like shingle), and then we turfed 1/2 his garden, making his boarders nice and straight again, as well as turfing where all the shingle was. I've got my fingers crossed that it will take, it will do, as long as he keeps watering it and doesn't let it die! Laying in bed now feeling totally content. THUMBS UP for Monday :) UPDATE on the puppy-nupster:- I would say she's 75% better, she let out an enormous yelp when i stroked her back ealier. I'll get her to finish the medication then perhaps i will take her back to the vets just to get her checked over again. She's eating/drinking/pooping and peeing perfectly fine, so thats good.

...That my puppy-nupster is doing well. After a long crate rest she finally ate and had something to drink yesterday afternoon. We're still having to make sure she's not doing too much, but at least she's responding to me now :) Also my dearest friend had a 4D scan done of her baby today and sent me one of the pictures of *it*. She wouldn't have had one done, but due to sad circumstances (nothing to do with the baby) she decided that it was a good decision. But oh my goodness, it was AMAZING! I am so very excited about meeting this little one.... It's been a VERY LONG journey, but with only 11 weeks to go, not much longer to wait. I had the pleasure of spending the entire day with her yesterday...and i spoke several times to her bump...she thinks i am insane, i just want the baby to recognise my voice....her wonderful Auntie Sarah!!!!! Good weekend. We've been out visiting all day and now time for a rest :)

...is in a bad way. She is unable to walk. Very lethargic/shivering/panting..., she is not moving at all. Vets in a minute. This is killing me.... :( :( :( UPDATE:- She is at home, but can't/won't move. Crate rest for a week, anti-inflammatory medication along with painkillers. Looks like she's hurt her little back. It's heartbreaking to not have my shadow next to me, instead, she's laying pretty much lifeless in her crate, not even reacting when i speak to her. So sad for my little girl... ANOTHER UPDATE:- Listless. Not responding at all. Won't eat chicken.... I think i am going to have to take her back :( YET ANOTHER UPDDATE:- My puppy DID just get up for a wee.... Now she's back in her crate.

What's that all about? So, i'm gardening (of course), been out busy-beeing for about an hour or so and i come in to reapply TCP for my questionable 35 year old skin and i notice that my back has got tan lines on it. Very distinct lines. I LOVE THE SUNNY WEATHER....makes me want to smile all day long.

I just got this email..... (im one of the fighting4hope girls incase you dont know) I had psychology today and we watched your agraphobia video on the BBC website, i was like ahh no way thats the sarah I know! I was just like gosh thats so cool that I know you. Ive seen the video before because I watched your video on here about it, but the fact my teacher used it for us as part of her lesson was so cool, I had to tell you! :'D! Yeah, thats my random little message to you! Hope you're ok! I am very very impressed.

When you give, give, give..... and according to The Secret, if you're nice to people, you should be on that wavelength to get it back and you don't - makes me wonder - how much more do you have to do?? On the days i struggle - where's my help/support?.... Seems to have vanished. Clearly i'm not supportive enough/caring enough/loving enough/thoughtful enough/helpful enough... Better step up my game!!!!

To look at these men, makes me really quite happy... So pathetic, but it's the teenager in me.., so i have no intentions of apologising. We have top to bottom, the GORGEOUS Mark Wright, Jared Leto and Justin Bobby...... I have to say, JL and JB look awfully similar on these pictures... Pattern emerging?? HOT, HOT, HOT!!!

THANK THE LORD FOR NUROFEN! Oh my gosh, my absolute life saver for today. So just after i wrote that post earlier, i was in SO much pain that i began to feel nauseous. It was horrible. But even that didn't stop me (rather stupidly) defrosting the freezer. Once i had started, i wish i hadn't. I was banging with a

I'm 99.9% sure it's my freaking sinuses, because the pain is pretty horrendous, especially around my cheekbones and eyebrows, TWO places where you have sinuses and it's really NOT fun. ...On the upside, i've been watching a whole load of crap on the TV today. I'm having a day at home after spending the night at my boyfriends. Ugh - can't type any more poop, my head is hurting far too much to sit with this computer on my lap. Have a great day everyone!

...SO funny. Really REALLY funny. Donating money last night, i know i could have potentially saved A LOT of lives and that is amazing!!!! These people in Africa need money more than i do.... I'm THANKFUL that i got on the phone and donated.

...i thought i'd share my shopping list to you all... :) 1. House. Okay, so it could be anything up to £90 million, but i'd say a modest 5/6 bedroom house would do... with plenty of room so we're not on top of each other. A gym is VERY important to me, plus an indoor pool - i mean, who wouldn't want that? 2. Money shared between family and friends. 3. Car/cars (right now i don't drive, but I WILL drive, so i'll need something. 4. Interior designer to help me create the perfect house. 5. I'd definitely donate to the charities i already give to. 6. Holiday for my mother/family 7. New clothes/shoes 8. I'd buy myself a therapist 9. I

1. THANK YOU FOR RED NOSE DAY! 2. THANK YOU FOR feeling humbled by little things 3. THANK YOU FOR my emotional side, cry at everything. 4. THANK YOU FOR giving to charity 5. THANK YOU FOR looking at my bank account and having more money than i thought 6. THANK YOU FOR my puppy, who loves me unconditionally 7. THANK YOU FOR my LIFE!

RED NOSE DAY 2011

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag Drifting throught the wind Wanting to start again Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin Like a house of cards One blow from caving in Do you ever feel already buried deep Six feet under scream But no one seems to hear a thing Do you know that there's still a chance for you Cause there's a spark in you You just gotta ignite the light And let it shine Just own the night Like the Fourth of July Cause baby you're a firework Come on show 'em what you're worth Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!" As you shoot across the sky-y-y Baby you're a firework Come on let your colors burst Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!" You're gunna leave 'em fallin' down-own-own You don't have to feel like a waste of space You're original, cannot be replaced If you only knew what the future holds After a hurricane comes a rainbow Maybe you're reason why all the doors are closed So you could open one that leads you to the pe...

...many things in our lives that we take for granted, everyday things....small things, the bigger things...but do we take time out and be grateful?? I can now (thankfully) say a BIG FAT YES! For example. I go downstairs to make a cup of coffee. I am thankful for my house, my stairs, the carpet, the people who laid the carpet, made the carpet, the people who built my house, i am thankful to the people in South America who harvested the coffee beans, the man who invented electricity, the kettle, cutlery, the water in my tap, the cows that produced the milk, you get the idea - right? Every minute, of EVERY day WE should give thanks to all things around us, and take NOTHING for granted, because like we see on the news, in Japan, it can all disappear in a second. I AM SO GRATEFUL for all the things i have been blessed with. WE don't know how lucky we are. So...please, just think about it, at least. Have a great day :)

1. THANK YOU FOR the hour long chat with my mum this morning 2. THANK YOU FOR my new positive way of thinking 3. THANK YOU FOR the love in my life 4. THANK YOU FOR the UK! 5. THANK YOU FOR food in my stomach 6. THANK YOU FOR my son's upcoming trip to France (must get passport!!) :) 7. THANK YOU FOR being happy :)

..Dinner is on. New potatoes, veg and pork chops for him, veg and a mushroom burger for me and spag bol for Stinky pants... :) Have i ever mentioned how much i LOVE Wednesdays....? LOVE THEM! I'm a very happy girl today. Loving everyone and everything. ..and now my boyfriend has just walked in, so i am even happier.... :) :) :)

HAPPY WEDNESDAY! 1. THANK YOU FOR my amazing body! 2. THANK YOU FOR my super boyfriend who supports me 100% 3. THANK YOU FOR my delicious dinner last night 4. THANK YOU FOR my wonderful brain 5. THANK YOU FOR my ability to be grateful 6. THANK YOU FOR loving..... 7. THANK YOU FOR TODAY BEING ANOTHER GOOD DAY!

"The power and relationships". Page 172 Give love to others through kindness, encouragement, support, gratitude, or any other good feeling, and it comes back to you and multiplies itself bringing love to every other area of your life, including your health, money, happiness and career. Give negativity to others through criticism, anger, impatience, or ANY bad feeling and you will receive that negativity back - GUARANTEED! And as the negativity comes back, it multiplies itself attracting more and more negativity, which effects the rest of YOUR life.

"Life follows you". Page 106 You are creating the story of your life, so what story are you telling about yourself? Do you believe there are things you cannot do? Is that the story you are telling about yourself? Because that story isn't true. Don't listen if someone says you are less than anyone else. Don't listen if someone says you are limited in ant way. Don't listen if someone says you can't do what you want to do and earn a living from it. Don't listen if someone says you are not as valuable and worthy as the greatest human beings who've lived. Don't listen if someone says you are not good enough now and you have to prove yourself in life. Don't listen if someone says you can't have what you love or do what you love or be what you love. If you believe it, you put limits on yourself, but more importantly, it's not true. There is not a single thing that is too good for you, or too good to be true. Page 113 If you keep...

..Just as i am blogging about saying "thank you" - i kid you not....THIS comes into my email.... I am AMAZED! Coincidence? I think not!... March 15, 2011 Saying Thank You Trusting Spiritual Assistance When we connect to higher energies for help, it is much like a phone connection which needs to be closed at the end. We may have become accustomed to asking for help from the unseen world—whether from angels, guides, or ancestral spirits—but sometimes we may forget to close our connection afterwards with a thank you. When we connect to these energies for assistance, it is much like a phone connection. Forgetting to close the conversation with a proper “goodbye” is like not hanging up. While that line is still connected, others can have trouble getting through, while in the meantime, batteries are being drained. Saying “thank you” is a way of releasing our concerns into trusted hands and getting out of the way so that the universe’s divine order can work on our behalf. As spi...

...Text/call/email someone special, tell them you love them, thank them for something or just ask how they are..... :)

...gotta love "THE ONLY WAY IS ESSEX".... I have a love/hate relationship with it.

1. THANK YOU FOR the spontaneous trip out this morning 2. THANK YOU FOR the two for one offer on my magazine this week 3. THANK YOU FOR finding my yummy mushroom burgers 4. THANK YOU FOR having my mum come round the corner when i visualized it happening 5. THANK YOU FOR it being a GOOD day 6. THANK YOU FOR my health 7. THANK YOU FOR my life

Went cleaning round to my sisters this morning (my *new* job..lol). It's fabulous to get up and need to be out the door by 9am, i love it. Boyfriend picked me up with no clue as to where we were going. We first stopped off at a local lake, but they wanted £5 to park, so we drove on.... I asked where we were going next and he said "You'll see....". 35 minutes later and a stint on the A12 we ended up at a campsite which he thought we could go to in the summer, looks good to me. It was lovely and very nice shower blocks too, which is always a bonus! On the way home is a Next home store, yes please, we'll take a look in there, but couldn't see anything, so the next shop i wanted to go in was "The Food Company"....OMG.... It's amazing. Lovely organic, foreign, home made foods. I bought Swordfish for my boyfriend at £10.50...What the heck!? Then i got some Gorgonzola, Roquefort and chilli cheese, 2 packets of delicious biscuits, a packet of rat...

...Just smile....

1. THANK YOU FOR a good nights sleep 2. THANK YOU FOR spending a rare Monday with my boyfriend 3. THANK YOU FOR a gorgeous morning 4. THANK YOU FOR feeling great 5. THANK YOU FOR good songs on the radio 6. THANK YOU FOR my skin being almost clear 7. THANK YOU FOR everything!!!!

Dedicated to 'The Ex'....

BE KIND TO PEOPLE. BE MINDFUL OF THEIR FEELINGS. DON'T THINK NEGATIVELY ABOUT ANOTHER PERSON. LOVE. LOVE A LOT. CHOOSE TO BE THE BETTER PERSON. CHOOSE TO FORGIVE. CHOOSE TO FORGET. DON'T FEEL ANGER, RESENTMENT, HATE. DON'T WISH HARM ONTO SOMEONE ELSE. DON'T FEEL JEALOUSY. BE GRATEFUL FOR THE SMALLEST OF THINGS IN YOUR LIFE, BECAUSE GRATITUDE FOR SMALL THINGS CAN ONLY ATTRACT BIGGER AND BETTER CHANGES. DON'T WASTE TIME WISHING YOU HAD SOMETHING THAT YOU DON'T HAVE. BEHAVE LIKE YOU ALREADY OWN/HAVE IT. YOU ARE LIKE A MAGNET, WE GET BACK WHAT WE PUT OUT THERE. DO PEOPLE FAVOURS, HELP OTHERS WHERE YOU CAN. APPRECIATE LIFE. ...AND REMEMBER - ALL YOU HAVE IS ALL YOU HAVE THOUGHT. As the great Beetles sang.... "All you need is love.....Love is all you need".....

Where do i start? I was a little indecisive about going to Chelmo on Saturday, i didn't know whether i could really be arsed or not, but at the end of my road i thought, why not? Shopping, always a good way to cheer a girl up (you know me!!). So got there and i jokingly said to my boy "If we see (my ex) be nice...". He lives/works there and in the million times i have been there, we've never seen him, but for some reason yesterday i really thought we might. I'm in topshop and i'm walking toward the till when out of the corner of my eye i see a Superdry jacket, i looked up, saw a shaved head....it was then when it clicked, it was my ex husband. OMG. OMG. OMG. It's the first time i have laid eyes on him in 2 years. My heart was obviously racing, then before i knew it out of my mouth came "OI!!!".... WFT? He turned around, saw my son, saw my mum then saw me. "Oh, hello...., you've grown Stinky". Then he looked at me and...

1. THANK YOU FOR my delicious dinner 2. THANK YOU FOR my mums new car :) 3. THANK YOU FOR my son not being too whiny while shopping 4. THANK YOU FOR my new things 5. THANK YOU FOR the lovely Costa coffee i had 6. THANK YOU FOR 'The Power' 7. THANK YOU FOR it being my 21 month anniversary with my lovely boyfriend. 1. THANK YOU FOR having less anxiety today 2. THANK YOU FOR having a good chat with my friend on the phone 3. THANK YOU FOR having my son home on a Friday night 4. THANK YOU FOR ENGLAND 5. THANK YOU FOR slowly regaining faith 6. THANK YOU FOR love 7. THANK YOU FOR being alive :)

All these disasters happening, birds falling out of the sky, fish dying, the oil spill, earthquakes, floods, tsunamis, hurricanes, fighting in the middle east.... Wasn't all this predicted in the book of Revelations? Me thinks these are the 'End times'...... Scary stuff people. ANXIETY/PANIC LEVELS HIGH.

1. THANK YOU FOR having a good nights sleep 2. THANK YOU FOR my having good intentions 3. THANK YOU FOR my skin *finally* healing 4. THANK YOU FOR my cold not being as bad as it was yesterday 5. THANK YOU FOR the good laugh i had last night 6. THANK YOU FOR my sweet sweet cats 7. THANK YOU FOR my 8.00am phone call from my boyfriend

Just thinking... All this chat about we're doing to die on Dec. 21st 2012 - What do you want to do before the that day???

1. THANK YOU FOR my £5 win on the lottery last night 2. THANK YOU FOR having my son come home at 3.30 3. THANK YOU FOR the leftover Chocolate fudge brownie cake i've got for pudding later. 4. THANK YOU FOR my experimenting with new dinners 5. THANK YOU FOR the lovely cup of tea i am drinking 6. THANK YOU FOR my bubble bath i'll be enjoying soon 7. THANK YOU FOR for my desire to help my friends/neighbours

1. THANK YOU FOR my mother 2. THANK YOU FOR my son 3. THANK YOU FOR my boyfriend 4. THANK YOU FOR having a roof over my head 5. THANK YOU FOR my extended family 6. THANK YOU FOR being well today 7. THANK YOU FOR feeling loved 1. THANK YOU FOR my nice garden 2. THANK YOU FOR my friends 3. THANK YOU FOR Bluebell 4. THANK YOU FOR being able to get places without my ma 5. THANK YOU FOR not having toothache 6. THANK YOU FOR not having a headache today 7. THANK YOU FOR having people support me, unconditionally 1. THANK YOU FOR being able to see 2. THANK YOU FOR the internet :) 3. THANK YOU FOR my clean house 4. THANK YOU FOR COFFEE 5. THANK YOU FOR the uber funny Gavin and Stacey 6. THANK YOU FOR being able to do a big food shop today 7. THANK YOU FOR Vaseline 1. THANK YOU FOR the sun shining today 2. THANK YOU FOR water flowing from my taps. 3. THANK YOU FOR Peanut butter 4. THANK YOU FOR becoming an auntie soon 5. THANK YOU FOR electricity 6. THANK YOU FOR feeli...

Your Week Ahead starting Saturday 5 March 2011: Breathe. In. Then out again. Very good. OK. Keep going. It doesn't matter what else you do as long as you keep that up. A sense of priority is always a good thing to have. This week you need it, not because things are not going your way, but because they ARE. You are about to gain power in an area where, prior to now, you have felt powerless. It will feel strange. You may not be sure that you like it. You may even feel that you want to turn back the clock. There is something unnervingly unfamiliar about the success that you are now starting to attain. But you'll get used to it.

..I've been meaning to do the garden all week, but with other commitments, crying neighbours on my door and the interference of bad weather i FINALLY managed to get out yesterday and do the 'BIG CLEAR-UP'.... Everyone who reads my blog (unless you're new) would know just how much i LOVE LOVE LOVE gardening. I adore the physical activity, the results at the end and also even more so when my neighbours jokingly say "Yeah...and when you've done yours you can do ours too"....Well, to me...that is simply the best thing. "Okay, i'll do yours in a bit...."(insert a stupid big smiley face). It took me hours. I weeded, moved stuff, mowed mowed and mowed again (the grass was really long), strimmed....swept, cut plants back....everything, FRONT AND BACK! I was in my element... :) It was a grotty cloudy day when i started but by mid afternoon when i finally finished up the sun was blazing down. ....SO AFTER ALL THAT - i came in and cleaned my house...