Positive attitude is fading..

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I don't really know where to begin. I suppose i can start with how ill i feel. How tired i am. How i just cannot be arsed with anyone OR anything. I am losing interest again.

I just want to be left to be miserable on my own. Don't want people around me, or to call me up, don't want to make idle chit chat. It's not that i dislike these people, i just takes up too much of my energy, when quite frankly all i want to do is cry/sleep and smoke.

I'm just fed up. It's not like i haven't TRIED to improve my life. I spent a shit load of money on hypnotherapy which (lets be honest) made me worse. I am pretty positive i have something wrong with me. It hurts when i eat, i can feel my food go down my esophagus, i constantly cough...tummy hurts, and i look like shit (not even talking about the spots now, just in general).

Does there come a point when you really do have to accept yourself for who you are and stop trying to fix the unfixable?

Comments

Kaci said…
I think that sometimes a constant state of positivity can be exhausting! And I think it is also not always good to suppress when you are feeling down. Sometimes it's okay to just allow yourself to be sad and then pick yourself up again.

I think a major step in trying to fix things, is to first accept it is a part of you and try to find the positive things that have come from it. I know, positive things from agoraphobia??! Sounds absurd but when I think about my own situation, I realize how much it has molded me into an understanding person and probably has kept me out of a lot of trouble. Sometimes I don't know when to stop and I think the agoraphobia does that for me, just a little too much though at times. I've gotten to the point where I want to find a way to be able to live with it easier and I still have hope that maybe I can be free of it but if not, I want a backup plan!

While I don't know you personally, I can tell you are a sensitive and compassionate person and quite resilient to be living with anxiety, we all are, I believe. Take a few days to take care of yourself.

I do believe what we put out into the universe comes back to us but I also believe in allow us to feel what we are feeling at times, I don't think a few days of being sad is going to cause more sadness to come. I think it's when we allow our thoughts to constantly be negative then it's more likely to notice when the negative things happen.

I read a book called What Happy People Know By Dan Baker. He also wrote a book called What Happen Women Know. Both books had helpful stuff in them for me.

I hope that you feel better soon!
01/04/2011, 21:55
vinny said…
sorry ur feeling so shite hunny,and what with it hurting when you eat,my fella had something like that with his esophogus <<< can't spell lol but he has to get some like acid type ulcer tablets from the dr so maybe its that?it really used to hurt his tummy and back ;0(
just take each day as it comes and hope u feel better soon xx♥xx
01/04/2011, 22:14
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