Positive attitude is fading..

-
I don't really know where to begin. I suppose i can start with how ill i feel. How tired i am. How i just cannot be arsed with anyone OR anything. I am losing interest again.

I just want to be left to be miserable on my own. Don't want people around me, or to call me up, don't want to make idle chit chat. It's not that i dislike these people, i just takes up too much of my energy, when quite frankly all i want to do is cry/sleep and smoke.

I'm just fed up. It's not like i haven't TRIED to improve my life. I spent a shit load of money on hypnotherapy which (lets be honest) made me worse. I am pretty positive i have something wrong with me. It hurts when i eat, i can feel my food go down my esophagus, i constantly cough...tummy hurts, and i look like shit (not even talking about the spots now, just in general).

Does there come a point when you really do have to accept yourself for who you are and stop trying to fix the unfixable?

Comments

Kaci said…
I think that sometimes a constant state of positivity can be exhausting! And I think it is also not always good to suppress when you are feeling down. Sometimes it's okay to just allow yourself to be sad and then pick yourself up again.

I think a major step in trying to fix things, is to first accept it is a part of you and try to find the positive things that have come from it. I know, positive things from agoraphobia??! Sounds absurd but when I think about my own situation, I realize how much it has molded me into an understanding person and probably has kept me out of a lot of trouble. Sometimes I don't know when to stop and I think the agoraphobia does that for me, just a little too much though at times. I've gotten to the point where I want to find a way to be able to live with it easier and I still have hope that maybe I can be free of it but if not, I want a backup plan!

While I don't know you personally, I can tell you are a sensitive and compassionate person and quite resilient to be living with anxiety, we all are, I believe. Take a few days to take care of yourself.

I do believe what we put out into the universe comes back to us but I also believe in allow us to feel what we are feeling at times, I don't think a few days of being sad is going to cause more sadness to come. I think it's when we allow our thoughts to constantly be negative then it's more likely to notice when the negative things happen.

I read a book called What Happy People Know By Dan Baker. He also wrote a book called What Happen Women Know. Both books had helpful stuff in them for me.

I hope that you feel better soon!
01/04/2011, 21:55
vinny said…
sorry ur feeling so shite hunny,and what with it hurting when you eat,my fella had something like that with his esophogus <<< can't spell lol but he has to get some like acid type ulcer tablets from the dr so maybe its that?it really used to hurt his tummy and back ;0(
just take each day as it comes and hope u feel better soon xx♥xx
01/04/2011, 22:14
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

CLOSURE. THE END!!!!!

-
Image
Where it all started... Say Hi and Goodbye to my EX HUSBAND. This is the precious man that i loved for all those years but who treated me like dog shite... I'm only really posting these pictures because i LOVE LOVE LOVE my wedding dress. It was EXACTLY what i wanted. Gorgeous...stunning...i still love it now, rammed upstairs in the loft, screwed up in a ball somewhere :) Don't i look happy? Unfortunately by the end of the day, i was crying!
Read more

From the mouth of an EX agoraphobic

-
A friend of mine yesterday pointed out what a person had written on their blog about being agoraphobic. Said person is an EX agoraphobic...this is what was said. "Agoraphobia is a selfish state of mind. Its completely "curable", and yet some people just wallow in their own self-pity and will never ever get over themselves and recover. When you are so worried about yourself all the time, how can you possibly be a good mother to someone else? Or a good wife/girlfriend/friend? I've unfortunately been the agoraphobic, and I've been the agoraphobics friend. As the friend, it was miserable. Nothing was ever about anything else but them. It was annoying and frustrating. And completely in their hands to change it, but they wouldn't. Because they're too selfish and self centered. Those aren't qualities people like in a person." Opinions please?
Read more

It DID get worse..

-
Image
...now there's a shocker! I have spent the entire evening in hospital. We had to call an ambulance, these feelings in my heart were insane. I was sat in the back on the ambulance and they did all my obs. I was tachycardic, my BP was really high (usually its stupid low) and my ECG was showing Atrial fibrillation, meaning the top two chambers of my heart are beating faster than the bottom two. I was put on oxygen as well because my breathing was a little bit crappy. The medic man stuck a candular in my hand and hit a valve apparently, my hand swelled up in seconds, it was so painful. Got to the hospital and did all the necessary things and then we had to wait...and wait...and wait. Where they'd stuck that needle in the back of my hand and hit the valve, it started going dead. I couldn't feel 4 of my fingers! I called to get someone to take the bugger out. I'm left with a lovely bit blue bruise this morning. My step-father was called to pick us up because we thoug...
Read more