I need a big fat kick up the arse!
I am having 'one of those days' today - the kind when i am (not purposely) focusing on everything that is shit in my life and without sounding like an ungrateful cow for what i DO have, the negatives somehow outweigh the positives.
What i am always thankful for is my son. He makes me smile every-single-day. I'll digress. This morning for example. "Hi Poo, you alright?.....". ... ... ... ... ... ... "UGH". Yep, that is all i got was a grunt, to be expected from a 12 1/2 year old boy - no? Once he's woken up, had his breakie he's back to his normal/very witty self. He's got an amazing sense of humour and a bit of a performer. He's singing and (attempting) to dance, Michael Jackson/R 'N' B stylie all the time. He's simply unable to walk from one room to the other without strutting to an imaginary beat. Also because he's been bought XBOX LIVE (by my boyfriend) he speaks to American boys a lot (whilst playing against each other), this means alongside all the films he watches, he's adopted an American accent. It has become 'normal' now for him to talk like that... Strange, but true.
So why exactly am i a fricking misog today!?
I feel ill. That's number one. I am exhausted. That's number two. I have got my period. That's number three. I WANT MORE FROM MY LIFE APART FROM WORRY/FEAR. That's number four. I am INSANELY BORED. That's number five. I am not very happy in my relationship at the moment. That's number six. Bottom line, i am still scared and pretty unhappy.... more so today.
It's very hard to feel motivated on days when you feel unwell. I started feeling shitty when i got back from my friends' on Sunday. Had a really bad stabbing pain going from just under the breast bone shooting out to my ribs. Generally the aches and pains i have i am familiar with but this - oh...this is a newbie and it hurts....
Anyway, i'm done with whinging now.
What i am always thankful for is my son. He makes me smile every-single-day. I'll digress. This morning for example. "Hi Poo, you alright?.....". ... ... ... ... ... ... "UGH". Yep, that is all i got was a grunt, to be expected from a 12 1/2 year old boy - no? Once he's woken up, had his breakie he's back to his normal/very witty self. He's got an amazing sense of humour and a bit of a performer. He's singing and (attempting) to dance, Michael Jackson/R 'N' B stylie all the time. He's simply unable to walk from one room to the other without strutting to an imaginary beat. Also because he's been bought XBOX LIVE (by my boyfriend) he speaks to American boys a lot (whilst playing against each other), this means alongside all the films he watches, he's adopted an American accent. It has become 'normal' now for him to talk like that... Strange, but true.
So why exactly am i a fricking misog today!?
I feel ill. That's number one. I am exhausted. That's number two. I have got my period. That's number three. I WANT MORE FROM MY LIFE APART FROM WORRY/FEAR. That's number four. I am INSANELY BORED. That's number five. I am not very happy in my relationship at the moment. That's number six. Bottom line, i am still scared and pretty unhappy.... more so today.
It's very hard to feel motivated on days when you feel unwell. I started feeling shitty when i got back from my friends' on Sunday. Had a really bad stabbing pain going from just under the breast bone shooting out to my ribs. Generally the aches and pains i have i am familiar with but this - oh...this is a newbie and it hurts....
Anyway, i'm done with whinging now.
Comments
You made me laugh reading about Stinky...I can imagine him bopping around like MJ and speaking like a yank....Alisha is always dancing...she tries hip hop and some random moves which I just cant place (probably mirroring my poor efforts...wehn i think no one is watching!!)
Also you have been doing so well this last month...I mean the 'London Trip'...going on the bike with BF.....shopping....you have been doing things that in the past you could not do...please remember how far you have come and the AMAZING things you have been doing and see today as an 'off' day....hopefully tomorrow will be better (i really hope it is for you!!)
As for the pain in your chest...if it carries on please see the Dr...if just to put your mind at rest!!
I am loving the picture of your friends bump....its amazing when a new life is about to begin :)
As for worrying about your relationship....have you spoke to BF or maybe a friend about it or are you rumenating on all the worries by yourself?? (by the way I love the word Rumenating.....sorry just a geek)
Be kind to yourself for the rest of the day and remember you are a beautiful woman and I am so proud of how far you have come over this last year :)
Much Love Moi x x x x
I guess it IS just 'one of those days', to be expected really. How can anyone be on top of the world 24/7? Fricking impossible.
My boy certain doesn't copy my dancing, he has far more rhythm in his little finger than i have in my entire body! The accent though, can get a little annoying... "SPEAK NORMALLY"... is what i find myself saying a lot of the time.
You do Zumba my love - enough said! :)
The thing with the boyfriend is that he never wants to talk. There's always an excuse like.. been busy at work (which i can understand), it's a Thursday, not eaten today, too tired, it's the weekend (that's my favourite excuse he comes out with), anyway, it's pointless, it isn't anything that can be resolved.
VERY well done with the ruminating word, top marks Mrs Charlotte... :)
I'm not worried about the pain, it's just a pain (in the arse). It's not there ALL the time, comes and goes.
Doesn't her bump look fab. She's is SO tiny, but the baby is growing well. One of the lucky ones! Saying that, i never got enormous being pregnant, just a normal sized bump.
I know i've achieved a hell of a lot over the last couple of years - but you know what it's like, it's NEVER good enough. I rarely think that have done well, because reality sets in and i think that i should be able to do it anyway.. :(
Anyway, i will make a deal with you... YOU be kind of yourself...and i will be kinder to myself.... What do you say!?
Love you always...
xxx
Do you find your periods tough? I do, they just seem to knock me for six, as do plenty of other things.. like being too hot (cooking sends me weird!), not getting enough sleep impacts on me more than it used to (can you say 'worried about ms'!!) I dunno, maybe another joy of anxiety?
I think Im just positive men dont talk either!
Simon rarely sees my hints to talk about things.. hes too tired, its too late or you can just tell that now is not the time (not sure when *is* the right time anymore, but still!). He will only talk (sometimes) if I say 'can I ask you something?' then he looks at me funny, like here we go again.. and it puts me off wanting to ask/talk!
I had a little panic at the weekend out of nowhere and I just am back in the fear cycle again. That and wondering why this keeps happening to me out of no where.. then wondering is it something wrong with me, hormone imbalance, blah blah blah.. I just feel like Im always going to be afraid anxiety/panic attacks are just around the corner, then theres the work you have to do to undo the damage the panicked state leaves you in. Just knowing this is something to have to live with (Along with all the other crap), can be pretty depressing!
Ive been on a downer since the end of the school hols, being stuck on my own, having to go out everyday, being lonely, being fed up, thinking too much, getting tired and no motivation.. Im bored with being stuck here most of the time but trapped in being too scared to make plans or to know Id need to get out every day and be relied on.. Im fed up with feeling like I care more about Si than he does me.. I dunno, I just get so sick of myself its unreal.
I guess my point is you're not on your own, I think I feel pretty similar to you sometimes.. and it will pass, but you know that, right?! xx