BEING SARAH.......

Sarah♥ said... Care to share ALL these messages over the last year. I would just LOVE to see them! 9/08/2010 06:18:00 PM Sarah♥ said... No? Is that because there's been what? 2/3/4? All asking you to stop reading my blog? 9/08/2010 06:22:00 PM Sarah♥ said... So if asking you to stop reading my blog, is harassing, stalking..then yes, i am both of those things. 9/08/2010 06:23:00 PM Sarah♥ said... BTW - My Brain Disorder is still here. Thanks for asking. How is yours? 9/08/2010 06:24:00 PM Sarah♥ said... Samuel knows who his REAL father is. Not at all confusing. No different to my step father and real father. I'm not confused. 9/08/2010 06:24:00 PM Lisa x said... How would someone know you're writing about them if they weren't reading your blog?!...Strange. 9/08/2010 06:25:00 PM Sarah♥ said... She's reading alright. Every-single-day without fail. Just to gloat. ..and she calls ME a stalker!!!!!! 9/08/2010 06:27:00 PM vinny said... aww hope stinky has a great ti...

... does this keep happening? My poor heart can't take it :(

..Forever Anxious...but i am sure he won't mind, 'cause i can't sleep :( Where is your phone? Bedside table. Home and mobile Your hair? A mess. Your Mother? Fab. Your Father? Who? Your favourite food? Salad Your dream last night? Horrible. Your favourite drink? Tea Your dream/goal? Be normal? What room are you in? Bedroom Your hobby? Don't really have one. Your fear? Loads. Going out, staying in. Dying. Losing the people who i love. Hurting people. Where do you want to be in six years? Anywhere but here. Where were you last night? At home with my gorgeous boyfriend. Something that you’re not? Brave. Muffins? Love 'em. Wishlist item? I have everything i want in a material sense. Where did you grow up? ESSEX Last thing you did? The Sun. What are you wearing? My Gap PJ's Your TV? Off. Your pets? 3 cats and a dog. Friends? Around Your life? Happy. Your mood? Okay thanks. Missing someone? My boyfriend Vehicle? Don't have one. Something you’re not wearing? My di...

Simple things...like... Having the wire on your hoover untangled for the millionth time. Unwrapping your new gum for you to save time. Candles lit. Fire burning. Those phone calls at 8.30 in the morning. The kisses and cuddles. Being told that you ARE loved and you do look nice. Trusting someone. The feeling knowing that they don't care if you're slightly mental. TEA and biscuits in bed... Waxing!!!!

I got to my boyfriends house this was on Sunday, in HIS car (obviously) not without some anxiety..however, i got there, stayed all day/all night. We left around 11am yesterday morning, I DROVE home...i was fine. No panic. No anxiety. Thinking perhaps this is the time i need to buy another car? What do you think?

For all those people who read my blog yesterday, on CHRISTMAS DAY!? What are you thinking??...lol

MARIA MENA - ALL THIS TIME. You self destructive Little girl Pick yourself up Don't blame the world So you screwed up But you're gonna be ok Now call your boyfriend And apologize You pushed him pretty Far away last night He really loves you You just don't always love yourself. All this time Ohhh all this time You have had it in you You just sometimes need a push All this time Ohhh all this time You have had it in you You just sometimes need a push Think all the mean girls That pulled your hair Are barefoot now and Pregnant there And you write pop songs And get to travel Round the world And all this time Ohhh all this time You have had it in you You just sometimes need a push All this time Ohhh all this time You have had it in you You just sometimes need a push So you've had some detours Some stupid men Now we know what Not to do again Besides you're locked out Finally All this time Ohhh all this time You have had it in you You just sometimes need a push All this tim...

I have the best mother and son in the world. Surround yourself with non-judgemental people. NO ONE IS PERFECT!!!!!!!!!! Someone saying they love you, doesn't in fact mean, they do! People will do EVERYTHING they can to bring you down. Some people have delusions of grandeur. Think they are a whole lot better than you, when really...they are just a big fat joke. Some people are so fucked up, they think you work like they do. When...excuse me...no i do not!! Regardless of mentalness, some people just don't give a shit and WILL love you..., care about you and make life as good as possible. Sometimes fighting for a cause, is absolutely pointless. Sex on fire is my favourite song of the year - GO KINGS OF LEON! Marriage = bullshit. Divorce = GOOD! My friends, the new friends i have had to build from scratch over the last couple of years are wonderful...all the others who have disappeared for whatever reason...lol...see ya!!!!! I have renewed my love for Take That...lol Loving yours...

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

I'd smile from ear to ear. I'd laugh at every funny thing I saw. I'd stop to remember the happy moments in my life every time my giddiness began to fade. I'd dye my hair bright pink, wear it in pigtails with lots of bows and ribbons, line my eyes in glitter and stars, and laugh every time I looked in the mirror from pure delight. I would allow myself to love myself and therefore everyone else. I'd forget about my weight, how much money I have in the bank, what others thought of me, and what yesterday brought. I'd stop blaming other people for how I feel. I'd step away from those people that didn't build up the energy around me, and that looked for the negative. I'd set myself free from any reason to feel held down. I'd fly in my new awareness. I'd dance everywhere I went, play the stereo as loud as I could and sing at the top of my lungs, drive slowly in the sunshine and soak up the rays, notice every leaf on every tree. I'd tell everyon...

..that i am depressed - again. It's that feeling i have every year, getting closer to Christmas. I am fed up and feeling really miserable. What is different, is that i'm scared this time. I know this is a trivial thing, but i always keep the downstairs light on for Stinky, it's enough, in fact it's plenty. There is no need for him to have his bedroom light on, at all. I have told him this SO many times and plus, because he has a dimmer switch in his room, i can't use an energy saving bulb, it has to be the regular kind. I get up this morning at 6am to pee and he's got his light on. I AM FUMING. Something inside me just snapped. Perhaps it's because i have told on COUNTLESS occasions NOT TO PUT THE LIGHT ON, YOU DON'T NEED IT!!!! A little bit later, i go and wake him up and just let rip ( NO SMACKING - NOT MY STYLE). I really shout and i am crying too. His room looked like a shit hole, there is crap all over ever surface. His room is tiny, so if ther...

Last night, i had my FIRST dinner party, only with one other couple, but round my house, where we were all eating...yay!!!! My soon to be ex wanker husband never let me meet any of his friends, the ONLY time i did was at our wedding...and then from then on, nothing. Whereas my boyfriend, he wants me to meet everyone and now! Had a really good time, no anxiety (i have come A LONG way since i couldn't have ANYONE in my house). The only time my mind thought i could have it was during the meal...cause you can't ask anyone to leave while they are eating. But i was fine. Laughed a lot. My boyfriend was really proud of me...which makes me very very happy....AND BTW - We had our SIX month anniversary on Sunday :)

Get rid of one arsehole out of my life that slagged me off no end, and it's been replace (full force) with my step father being a complete and utter dick. Last night, i was at my mothers, my step father was asleep on the sofa. I ask her to drop her off at my boyfriends. This was fine. However, once sleeping beauty arose all hell let loose. My mum told him, i am just taking Sarah home and i will meet you at *Rose's*, they were going to pop round for a cuppa. With that, he started going on about taking two cars into town. Mum told him i'd just given her petrol money...but he said he couldn't give a shit if i'd given her £200 for petrol. We then agreed that if he wouldn't mind dropping me off on the way, i'd go with him (BARING IN MIND - IT'S ON THE WAY TO THEIR FRIENDS HOUSE). He stormed into the utilty room, threw on his coat, mum could see the mood he was in and she said she'd drive...that went down like a lead balloon "IT'S MY CAR ...

Olly Murs..fantastic :)

So something that really winds me up is reading about "agoraphobics" who recently went on holiday to Greece/France/AMERICA, or an "agoraphobic" who went out Christmas shopping alone for 7 hours...., or an "agoraphobic" who goes to work every-fucking-day. Forgive me for getting angry, but i would LOVE to have their kind of agora-fucking-phobia!!!!!!!!! WANNA SWAP!????

..Until my Decree Absolute can be applied for... :) :) :) :)

FRIDAY - My boyfriend came over...we had our usual lovely evening together :) SATURDAY - EARLY, EARLY, EARLY. I got up to go "Christmas" shopping, what a big fat fail that was. I managed to buy myself a pair of leggings, biker boots, 2 t-shirts from All Saints (stupidly expensive t-shirts i may add), a t-shirt from French Connection, some little diamante earrings and some socks! I am trying to be a bit "Rock Chick" at the moment...my mother said manly.... lol . I DID by Stinky 4 more presents though. My aim was to get my bf something else, but couldn't decide. On the way home we stopped off at the new Next Home ware store...BIG mistake!!! I ended up buying a new rug and 4 more cushions, this is after i just spent £xxx on cushions only a matter of weeks ago. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? Sunday - work day. I stayed at my boyfriends last night. He's unwell, well...he's got gout in his knee and can't move it. (MONDAY) I left there this morning at 8am and by ...

I look vile... :( RUBYS ROOM

I recieved a message in my Facebook inbox stating that my husband was cheating on me for a long time before we split up. I also found out that he is taking her to Australia to the wedding that he divorced me over, which makes sense, because you wouldn't make long term plans with a girlfriend of a few months, especially like the plans of a 8 week holiday!!! So am i bothered? Um...bothered that he cheated on me? Not now, no. I would have been had i found out before he wanted the divorce, obviously! I don't know how i feel really - glad he's happy... :)

...to wrap it up - pointless. Mum and dad separated when i was four. Mum left him because he was never around, always at work, in the pub, playing rugby/watching rugby...so she made the decision which was right for her at the time and went. Anyway..my issues are these. My father moved to the other end of the country where he had two children with his new wife. They are now 27 and 28 years old. He has NEVER made any effort with ME...just me. My sister is a total different matter, he calls her twice weekly, speaks to her children, she is able to visit him whereas i can't - they met up in London earlier this year for a day out...i obviously wasn't involved. However, we are under an hour from London, so he COULD have driven that little bit further to come and see his agoraphobic daughter. This year i have received TWO phone calls on the 8th/9th July, but that was because he'd forgotten my birthday...and i have seen him the once, which was yesterday. What i can't understand,...