BEING SARAH.......

..in the garden and my 'girls' are never far away from me.......... This picture makes me laugh, I gave Bluebell a biscuit and she said guarding it for 30 minutes and every time a cat would happen to walk past she'd sit there and growl at them.... she is SO precious.....In the end i pretend threatened to take it away, then she ate it as quick as she could.

That was me on Monday. I went to Southend and Canvey Island. I haven't been there since 1996 and not places i will go back to again in a hurry, but i wanted to see the sea and i chose Southend because the boyfriend didn't want to go to Clacton. Anyway... I takes just over an hour to get there... so yay me.... Whoop... whoop..... Then we came home, got the dog, took her for a walk and i walked over a mile round the park.... i did flipping well. What else? Weather here has been glorious. Got myself a little March tan going on. Been in the garden reading the book "One Day", it's very good so far. Haven't watched the film so that's even better. Tomorrow is going to be an even more amazing day. Housework in the morning (top to bottom jobbie) followed by more sitting in the garden reading.......... LOVE IT! I'm so happy right now. I really am. I am not stressed about stupid little things... Not.At.All..... I'm happier now than i hav...

..is a perfect example of why i won't live with a man! Clearly the bottom drawer is just that little bit too far away for him to be able to put the PJ's in it.................WTF!? Thank the Lord he only stays round once in a blue moon...... Couldn't handle it.

WHERE ARE YOU FIONA!???...................................

For goodness sake... One thing follows another, follows another - however, guess what? I don't give a shit! I LOVE MEDS! I've had a severe allergic reaction to tea tree oil/witch hazel cream. My face is entirely swollen, red and itchy and my eyes are practically closed up...I'll literally seeing through a slit..... BUT...................WHATEV!!!!! Going to the doctors to get some steroids, hopefully they'll start working so i look less like Shreks VERY UGLY sister! :) :) :) BTW - Back with the boyfriend................

Do you have THIS app!?? It's called Draw Something and it's a lot of fun... If you don't have it, get it.....and then add me.... lolabanana75 :)

..Is what i have just had shouted down the phone at me!!! No. 1 - It is a big fucking deal. Taking medication for me is huge. Okay, not anymore... but to take the initial pill after years of refusing is massive. The fear behind anti-depressants

....the risk of 'bigging' my town up... i just want to tell you that in the last year there has been so many deaths/murders its getting stupid now.... I would NOT move here if anyone paid me!!!!!! Forgive me for wanting to remain agoraphobic...... I think it's safer!!!! (NB. Small black box, where i live, big black box, my sons school, big red box - where an alleged murder/rape took place last night)

To all of whom read Sarah's blog but dont have a personal insight to what she is about, i am about to tell you... From an outside persons view. I have asked Sarah to put this up on her Blog. I have met alot of people through the joys of the internet, and i have spoke offline to a fair few, HOWEVER Sarah is the only one i keep in contact with alot. There is a reason for this.... and i am going to tell you why. She is one of the most genuine people i have had the pleasure to talk to, she is beautiful both inside and out and well as much as she will disagree on this, she truely is a top bird. When i was going through a really rough patch in my life, Sarah was there for me, day in and day out- she would listen, advise and make me laugh in times of need. She truely was an angel that was sent to me. She goes through daily struggles which you all know about, and i wish i had a magic wand, or even just one wish in my life for another person, because she would get that wish. I would ...

So it's been 28 days since i started my medication...it's been okay, however i am plagued with headaches, exhaustion and all the same symptoms still persist that i had before i started the pills, but now, instead of running to the doctors, i REFUSE to go... Not interested, i would rather be in pain, sit here with the buzzing, numb face, burning lips, tremors and twitching... than go back there again!!!! No way.... Saying all that, what do i want out of my medication? I don't want to be depressed... AND I want to be able to go out freely again, without anxiety and panic... That's all... To be able to go out alone is something that i will aim toward, but NOT focus on. I would be MORE than fine with just to be happy...

I had a very short conversation yesterday loosely around the subject of friendship - and it got me thinking.... and researching..... According to Wikipedia... THIS is the definition of Friendship... Friendship  is a form of  interpersonal relationship  generally considered to be closer than association, although there is a range of degrees of  intimacy  in both friendships and associations. Friendship and association are often thought of as spanning across the same  continuum  and are sometimes viewed as weaknesses. The study of friendship is included in the fields of  sociology ,  social psychology ,  anthropology ,  philosophy , and  zoology . Various academic theories of friendship have been proposed, among which are  social exchange theory ,  equity theory , relational  dialectics , and attachment styles . Value  that is found in friendships is often the result of a friend demonstrating the followin...

I have just been out in the car with my sister to her friends .... followed by going to Tesco. Not been out alone with her for TEN YEARS!!!!

My contract FINALLY came up with O2... I'd had the iPhone 3gs for 2 years and i wanted initially just the Iphone 4, wasn't worried about the NEW fancy one with "Siri"... But, when they offered me a really good deal for not much more money, i couldn't refuse. Basically i only pay extra a month what i would have done on ONE packet of ciggies... so... yeah... I am the proud owner of a 4s.... Saying that, i have NO idea how to use the thing and quite frankly, when i was messing with the camera on it, and it did a 180 and my face popped up on it, i was terrified. Good grief.... I'd been crying for days, looked like a cross between a zombie/Casper and something from "The night of the living dead"......Scared the shit out of me.... Anyhoo.... WHEN i finally learn what 'extras' it has on it and i stop using it the same way as i did my old phone, i'll be happy.... Oh yeah, my iphone case was from "Paperchase"..... Love it. Also.....

MUM...I watched that video of Bluebell talking.... ME... You've been on my blog again....? MUM...Yes............................. STOP READING MY BLOG MOTHER/SISTER!!!! I spoke to mum about (didn't i mum!?) and because now she reads it, it's like being 16 again and her reading my diary... although this time, she can't cross out me saying 'fuck'..... But also, i can't write exactly what i want any more... because some things, mum's don't need to read....

Foooooooooooking hell.  What a time i've had.  15 weeks of pure hell. .. Not including most of last year that i spent depressed... I can look back at what happened to me and put it down as the worst episode of mental health (health anxiety) i have ever had in my life - and i wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Now it's all over (fingers crossed) i can yet again, pick myself up and start focusing on my recovery.  It's going to be long and hard, but i have no doubt in my mind that i will be able to do it. Now.... Let's talk about 'rejection'... This is something that i have struggled with all my life.   Friends/relationships.... when i am rejected from their lives it hurts.  Of course it does, naturally... but i really take it personally, but then it IS personal... These people no longer want me in their lives, because of who/what i am... and that is really hard to cope with and the more times it happens, the more i hate myself..... So what can i...

I can't and haven't stopped crying since *IT* happened on Sunday (apart from when i was out walking yesterday). I am not strong enough to deal with a break-up when i am still coping with a breakdown. I am an idiot and i've lost my baby..... forever. FUCK OFF STUPID MENTAL FUCKING HEALTH PROBLEMS.  YOU'VE RUINED MY LIFE AND MY FUCKING RELATIONSHIP.

..very apt in light of my recent situation AND the fact that i just walked for 34 minutes and 1 1/2 miles.................. ALONE. NO PANIC. NO ANXIETY. Just walking.... :) March 6, 2012 Transformation in Stride Cancer Daily Horoscope Your thoughts may be running out of control today and you may feel wound-up and tense. Your mental turmoil may be the result of changes currently taking place in your life. As you go through periods of transition, you experience a clash between your old mind-set and new ideas. You can calm and quiet your mind, however, by mentally cataloging the changes you are going through and asking yourself why you are being so resistant. It may simply be fear of the unknown that is preventing you from letting go of what no longer serves you. By taking pride in the positive changes you have made in your life today, you can honor yourself for your progress and welcome the new. Understanding that as we grow we naturally change in many ways can help you cope wit...

I feel sick. I have literally cried all day.... As if i haven't had enough to deal with lately.... I go and do this! Why? Why did i do this....? I knew he didn't feel the same about me any more. He hadn't said anything, but when you know, you know..... Other things had happened that i won't go into because they are private....

If you'e been reading here awhile you'll know that i totally bought into the whole "The Secret" and "The Power" books... Law of attraction and all that - it DID make sense while i was reading it - you get back what you put out... simple concept really. Anyway, i forgot to be thankful/grateful and let my love for the universe slip (i went mental, sorry universe!). So anyway, when i came across the latest book in the range, i was "on it like a car bonnet"....i immediately purchased it and although the release date isn't until tomorrow, i have already received mine, guess the UNIVERSE is trying to tell me something, either that or Amazon is just super duper efficient!? I'll let you know what i think after i have read it. This is what it says on the back... You hold in your hands the way to a magical life. Remember when you were a child and you believed that life was magical? Well, the magic of life is real and it's far more br...

Where would you expect your dog to sit while you're styling your hair!? On me of course.... Where else?

When i ask her to 'rollover'.... it sounds like shes saying NO!!!! I know she isn't really.... i am not that mad yet.... It just sounds funny ;)

Just quickly to start with, I was in Tesco earlier with my mum and she disappeared (as she does) and i DID get a twinge of panic.... Now, i was a little pissed off with this, because i thought the pills might have stopped that reaction. Clearly not yet.... :( Anyway, i got back from town and sat my lazy arse on the bed... where it likes to be. I knew i had ironing to do but couldn't be bothered, then... from no where, i got some enthusiasm from somewhere and i did the following in this exact order.... Change duvet in my room Took the cooker rings of and soaked, sprayed cooker top with bleach and left Did sit ups Ironing Sprayed the bathroom with cleaner Finished cleaning cooker Bleached all kitchen surfaces Hoovered downstairs Dusted downstairs Washed floors downstairs Cleaned bathroom Hoovered upstairs Dusted my room Dusted the boys room Washed floors upstairs Back downstairs - polished lounge floor (that's a hands 'n' knees job) Upstairs polishe...

20 THINGS TO START DOING IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP! Can't love this website enough... ;)

Goodness me. My blog is DULL!!!!! Even *I* wouldn't be reading it right now.... WTF? My sons brace....??? Am i that short of things to write about? Clearly. Thing is this... I believe i am currently going through a transition period and i need to get through this and then i am sure my dullard life will (fingers crossed) be better! I'm not just sat indoors all day every day. I have been going out with my mother to where she works. Initially i went to help 'cause she'd hurt her back doing sit-ups.... and i didn't want her doing things that would make it worse, so i offered my assistance, which she was please about, i did that a few times, but the last twice, the guy who she works for paid me - £10!!!! Whoop... I didn't go to get paid, i was just happy to not sit in..... Today, Saturday, i am off up the town to get some shopping, hopefully the BF will come round (but who knows!?)... and that is that. No much else is going on...

The boy has had his brace on for 11 weeks, look how much straighter the bottom teeth are.... I can hardly believe the speed in which they are moving. But there is one small problem... He has managed to break it FOUR times which means the dentist could stop treatment right now *you're given 3 chances* ..... but she is going to carry on, for now...... That's all... :)

Vlog from November. Failed. ..so tried again... And now for today's attempt..........(I cut the video short by 6 minutes because a sign in the video clearly said where i lived.... doh!)