IDIOT
I am angry. Really angry with myself. I have a raging headache, i spent the night with a racing heart that would NOT calm down (although i didn't feel anxious which was strange).
Before me and him got together he'd bang on about a particular ex, in fact, he showed me pictures of this women many times. He was IN LOVE with her...completely. Stupidly i searched for her on facebook and now wish i hadn't. Firstly she's five years younger than me....secondly she is a dancer, with a dancers bod...and last....oh my goodness - she is absolutely stunning to the point of where i really DID feel anxious/nauseous/scared/uber insecure..... She is how i would want to look. Beautiful skin, glossy hair, big big eyes, perfect figure....everything i am lacking, she had, so when he turns to me and tells me i am 'gorgeous' i can see that he's taking the piss out of me, because compared to this women, i'm a fucking disgusting pig.
I don't know how to react to this. I don't know if i should call it a day because my insecurities will get in the way and drive him mad....OR....step right back and be so cool to the point of "yeah, whatever....".....OR.....i dunno, i really don't.
The bottom line point is this: This man has had A LOT of relationships between 1 - 5 years, looking at his history, he's NOT a keeper...so at some point, we WILL end and i WILL get hurt. The longer we're together, the more hurt i will be.
Yesterday, on his day off and remembering he doesn't really like children, he spent the entire day entertaining my nephews (one with Aspergers so can be challenging), niece and Stink. ALL DAY....from 9 - 3.15. The kids adored him. He played ball, he took the boys and played footie, he chatted with my niece *she gave him not only two thumbs up but two feet up too*, for him to do that he said it was a massive thing, perhaps i didn't give him enough credit...i have sent him a text and thanked him since.
My niece had a cup of squash spilt over her, he picked her up, took her in the kitchen, wiped her down and got the hairdryer to dry off her skirt, he did the same to my nephew who'd dropped an ice-cream down his t-shirt, he cleaned him up too. ARSEWIPE, would NEVER EVER even go near the kids let alone, help them....arghhhhhhhhhhhhh! Like i said before - this guy is everything that i wanted in my ex...but my fears and insecurities are going to fuck it up.
Before me and him got together he'd bang on about a particular ex, in fact, he showed me pictures of this women many times. He was IN LOVE with her...completely. Stupidly i searched for her on facebook and now wish i hadn't. Firstly she's five years younger than me....secondly she is a dancer, with a dancers bod...and last....oh my goodness - she is absolutely stunning to the point of where i really DID feel anxious/nauseous/scared/uber insecure..... She is how i would want to look. Beautiful skin, glossy hair, big big eyes, perfect figure....everything i am lacking, she had, so when he turns to me and tells me i am 'gorgeous' i can see that he's taking the piss out of me, because compared to this women, i'm a fucking disgusting pig.
I don't know how to react to this. I don't know if i should call it a day because my insecurities will get in the way and drive him mad....OR....step right back and be so cool to the point of "yeah, whatever....".....OR.....i dunno, i really don't.
The bottom line point is this: This man has had A LOT of relationships between 1 - 5 years, looking at his history, he's NOT a keeper...so at some point, we WILL end and i WILL get hurt. The longer we're together, the more hurt i will be.
Yesterday, on his day off and remembering he doesn't really like children, he spent the entire day entertaining my nephews (one with Aspergers so can be challenging), niece and Stink. ALL DAY....from 9 - 3.15. The kids adored him. He played ball, he took the boys and played footie, he chatted with my niece *she gave him not only two thumbs up but two feet up too*, for him to do that he said it was a massive thing, perhaps i didn't give him enough credit...i have sent him a text and thanked him since.
My niece had a cup of squash spilt over her, he picked her up, took her in the kitchen, wiped her down and got the hairdryer to dry off her skirt, he did the same to my nephew who'd dropped an ice-cream down his t-shirt, he cleaned him up too. ARSEWIPE, would NEVER EVER even go near the kids let alone, help them....arghhhhhhhhhhhhh! Like i said before - this guy is everything that i wanted in my ex...but my fears and insecurities are going to fuck it up.
Comments
His ex is not a rival babes, their relationship is OVER. Comparing yourself to someone you haven't met (is entirely understandable I'd do the same) is really not doing yourself any favours. They split up didn't they? Maybe she wasn't as perfect as you think!!!
Chin up lovely, he's with you now not her. One to five years isn't a bad record is it? Simply hasn't found his princess has he? What if it's you and you chuck it down the pan as a precaution of not being hurt? I understand your logic but without a crystal ball to predict how it will go in future....
Are you at the stage where you know you want to be with him for life already?
Stay happy chick xxxxx