Problem #563

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Yesterday *we* took the dog for a walk. Only around my estate, but it would have been the first time i've been out alone with him without my mother trail gating us..lol. It went fine. We walked around the block and i made it my mission to get to the letter box, which isn't far from my house if you go there directly, but because we'd already been walking 10 - 15 minutes my anxiety levels started rising. I did what i usually do, i made him stop and i took the short walk (i mean SHORT) up the the letterbox. I wanted to prove to him that i am making an effort and trying these teeny steps toward 'wellness.

Now here is my scary, frightening problem. He is DESPERATE for me to stay at his. Which is terrifying me. Issue No. 1, i have to get there. Issue No. 2, i have to stay there without panicking (i've only been there once, so not comfortable yet). Issue No. 3, if i DO panic there would be no way of escape, because going in a car would be out of the question, so i'd be stuck, in his house, panicking...looking like a total loon. This is something that WILL have to happen in the near future. I know that. And i really want it to. This fella is lovely, for example, this morning...he stood in my kitchen drawing lasers and aliens on Stinks picture....! Yes, he has his faults, and yes i am insanely insecure...but he's a nice person (at the moment!!!). Tomorrow, Sunday, he's cooking me a vege curry...i've NEVER been cooked for. Back to the problem, how will i do this??

Comments

em said…
hi sarah

im so glad your happier now. perhaps leave it a little before you stay at his house. its that invisible line, you think something is going to happen but it probably wont, and then the more you go the more relaxed you will be. anxiety is like a bad friend you just want to kick! dont let it rule your happiness. ( easier said then done.)
x
11/07/2009, 19:48
lotte said…
:)
You went for a walk on your own with him :) Thats great, and you did it, Im so happy for you.

The sleeping over thing would make anyone feel anxious / nervous.....its just worse for us panickers :( and you are bound to feel scared because of this. Not really sure how you will do it BUT I know for sure you will do, and it will probably be very soon....because you are doing so well at the minute.

Enjoy the veg curry :)
xx
12/07/2009, 11:17
Drew said…
Good for you Sarah! Great job on the walk, and the fact that you're thinking about how to manage staying as his place speaks volumes about how you really do want to get better.

Before trying to spend the whole night, do a few shorter "practice runs". First tackle getting to his place, then work on being able to stay for tea or something (see, I'm learning my Brit customs!). Then shoot for dinner and a movie or something like that. By then I bet you'll be so comfortable there that staying the night will be easy for you.

Your friend sounds very supportive. I bet he'd be more than happy to help you take it in stages like this. If you're making the effort, I bet he sticks to you like glue! ;-)
12/07/2009, 19:40
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