BEING SARAH.......

...giving advice to my ex husband about what to wear for his NYE partay!!!! GET IN SARAH :)

Christmas Day was a bit pants! We're all ill. Stink has a chest infection and I have a shitty cold with sinus pain (don't remember the last time I had a proper full-on cold), and Bean, he has the aches and a cough too.....so, not so great. We've got dinner at my sisters today, hopefully the paracetamol will keep us going. I'll blog Christmas presents later on - I was a very lucky girl :)

..Hope you all have a truly wonderful day :)

I was asked last night to do one more shift at my old job as the other chick had called in sick and at such late notice they know i won't be going anywhere, so i got that call! It was super busy because it was OAP Christmas dinner day - but it went quickly and i had a lot of fun working with an old friend. The day didn't start off great though. I got a text from my boyfriend asking me if i was awake, it was 7am, of course i am up!!! Unfortunately his ma had been taken to A & E with breathing problems after developing a cough at the weekend. He called me later on at work and said that she'd been admitted for at least the next 2 - 3 days until she starts responding to the IV antibiotics and steroids. She's having to be on nebuliser and oxygen...so it's not great. Bean visited her this evening and although still very sick, she was a lot better than she was this morning. Thank God. Anyway, at work we were talking about all these people getting sick with flu a...

Love my outfit today! H & M Cardigan, Miss Selfridge white vest top, River Island scarf, same River Island boyfriend jeans & belt...and Blue converse! Just so you know, i am the owner of 30+ pairs of jeans, but...when you find a pair you feel totally comfortable in (especially around THAT time of the month) you gonna wear them!!!!!....lol

...and now i feel like hell! Just the present i wanted for Christmas!!!!!

I hate snow. I hate being on my own (because of the snow) I hate that snow is effecting everything, including me going out I hate that my son is ill I hate that i am sitting here crying, again I hate that it's nearly Christmas and i want it to all be over - NOW I hate that i feel like shit I hate that i have no interest in anything, including myself I hate that i am exhausted, for no reason I hate that i can't be arsed to move I hate that i broke my frigging bucket this morning, so i can't wash the floor now I hate that my boyfriend is at home and i am here I hate that i still have pain in my gum from the stupid tooth exraction I hate that i'm so bored i want to cry - some more Dear God, Please make my son well and me feel better...and get rid of this snow, please! Thanks Sarah x

Stinky is down with a virus. Fever of 39.5/103.1........... BAD TIMES!!!

I was just forced out of my house by my boyfriend to walk to the garage, IN THE SNOW WHICH I HATE, and preceded to not see a curb and fall head first into 6 inches of snow...NOT FUNNY!!! THIS IS WHY I DON'T GO OUT IN THE FRICKING SNOW! Today, we're cooking pate

This is Abigail Clancy (in the stripes) - she is a WAG and she's pregnant to her cheating footballer boyfriend/husband, not really sure. How pregnant is she going from the size of her 'bump'... Answers below please!! (BTW - I have trapped wind belly bigger than that!!)

...I CAN'T SMOKE FOR 3 - 5 DAYS AND I HAVEN'T SMOKED FOR 17 LONG FUCKING HOURS..... I AM IN PAIN NOW, SPITTING SO MUCH BLOOD AND I JUST REALLY WANT TO SMOKE - BUT I REFUSE TO , NOT AFTER THE LAST DRY SOCKET INCIDENT... NOW I'VE GOT TO DECIDE WHAT SHIT I CAN/CAN'T EAT FOR MY DINNER. (PS. BY THE USE OF PROFANITIES, YOU CAN TELL I AM REALLY NOT A HAPPY GIRL... )

We left the house at 7.45 this morning to make sure we missed all the traffic. I walked into the dentists and i was the first one there, no waiting - straight into the chair. I was nervously laughing as they were talking to me and i don't even really remember what they were saying. But - we have a problem. The sedation isn't working as well as it use to. Like before i would remember nothing until at least half way home in the car, but this time, yes i was slurring my words and walking as if i was drunk, but i can remember these things.... I remember my gums being injected, although no pain registered as it went in. I remember them shoving a huge plastic thing in the right side of my mouth i suppose to keep my tongue out of the way. I remember the dentist saying that i was going to feel some pulling now and then the next thing, it was out and i was walking to recovery. So yay, i am minus another tooth, which makes me very happy. I will no long have THAT pain everyday! A...

So today for my shift i chose a white Topshop vest top, grey v-neck Topshop jumper, River Island black trousers, with a River Island belt (which i love!) and finally a pair of black Next biker boots....

It's 23.22, probably -1/-2 outside and i have just stood out the front for a good 20 minutes with my neighbour (bless her who's been ill for a week), scouring the sky for shooting stars... Did we see any?? Did we heck! I am frozen and i should have been asleep ages ago. I'm going to be knackered in the morning...

Tomorrow, for the first time since my ex left (Mid 2008) i have been called in to help out at my old job for one shift. Because it's Christmas they get lots of big parties in and they wondered if i could go in, which of course i said yes.... ..but the thing is this. It's a 'Christmas do' which means i have got to look presentable, black trousers/jeans and smart(ish) top. So i wriggled into my Size 6 River Island trousers and cried. I looked awful. My thighs looked fat, my calves looked fat, my arse - just huge. I couldn't find a top long enough to cover all the bits i hated. I measured my hips and they came in at 33 inches, and my waist 22.5 inches, so I KNOW realistically that i can't be 'FAT', however, i LOOKED IT, the mirror told me a totally different story... I hate this illness...i feel fucking horrid.

If this song DOES NOT give you goosebumps, then...i dunno ;) Matt Cardle, a TRUE WINNER! His winners song...

NOW IT FEELS LIKE CHRISTMAS..........

Bah! Humbug! I hate wrapping Christmas presents, so much so, i actually cried doing it. I lost the scissors countless times, i ran out of tags, and then end of the tape, don't even get me started on that. I wrapped 37 in total....I hope everyone appreciates the stress i went through...LOLOL!

It wasn't that bad to be totally honest. She did the smear and i didn't even feel it, the worst bit was the swiping the cervix with whatever it is they put up there!!! The picture that i did myself (obviously) is exactly how she drew my cervix on my notes...looks a bit worrying. Of course now, i have the 6 week wait until i find out what's what!

In June i had to have a Colposcopy due to abnormal cervical cells. The smear before in 2009 i was told to come back in 3 years, luckily, being mental, i am very in tune with my body and i KNEW something was wrong, so i went back and asked to have one done....thank God i did!!! Anyway, had the follow up Colposcopy in June and then you have to go back and have it repeated 6 months later, which is tomorrow......CAN'T WAIT!!!!! I'm guessing after this, it will be 6 monthly smears again. So much fun!

"Sarah, Queen of the present hiders"..... In my teeny tiny bedroom, i am storing presents for my sister and my neighbour.

It's OOTD time.... :) Today i am wearing a Superdry hoodie, River Island slouchy boyfriend jeans and blue Converse boots. Yay...i'm clothed!!!!

DO NOT BE JEALOUS PEOPLE!!! Todays 'OOTD' consists of... Same Woolly hat at yesterday from H & M,(i have just got back from taking the dog for a walk, that's why the hat is on today!!) a black top shop hoodie and a pair of rather questionable grey joggers also from H & M costing £9.99!!!!! Again, no makeup and i'm sporting rather attractive black under eye circles....!

I'm getting involved in a new YOUTUBE community channel to help people with all kinds of mental health problems. It's been created by a lovely young lady called Melissa who recently did work for 'healthyplace.com'. The way it works is that 7 people each get their day to make a video and talk about their problems, answer questions and generally have some fun along the way too. I am super excited about this as i am a "FRIDAY GIRL". It's called Survivors 4 hope and freedom/fighting4hope . I think as a LONG TERM sufferer of a gazillion mental health problems, i have a lot to talk about... :) If you're a YOUTUBE user, get over there and subscribe....

I watch an awful lot of make-up videos and they regularly do 'OOTD' (outfit of the day), so today, i thought as a little treat, i would show YOU lot my OOTD! So enjoy :) Imagine, that picture above is a video...and my text below is how i would speak - on a video ;) So today...my outfit of the day consists of... An H & M woolly hat, it think it was £5.99. My glasses were from the opticians at £140, my vest top i believe was my mothers from the 70's and my PJ bottoms are GAP childrens at around £12...Make-up, none!!!!!! Hope you like my outfit of the day.

UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH IF I LOVE YOU OR YOU'RE A MEMBER OF MY FAMILY!!!

Yesterdays' down day was (rather bizarrely) after a REALLY good weekend. I'm going to try and explain this the best i can. Saturday i did MORE shopping in Chelmo town centre which was awful, i went to a party, yes, a pre Christmas party with loads of people i didn't know. My boyfriend drank so i had to drive and i stayed for over 3 hours. Then on Sunday we went shopping for his Christmas tree, went round other friends for a cuppa, decorated his tree, went shopping, queued up in Argos for ages....and came home. I haven't been to a 'party' since before Stinky was born and i hate driving at night,....and i have NEVER been Christmas tree shopping...ever! These things were done with ease and at no point did i feel anything, no panic, nor anxiety. That's good - right???? You'd think so....... ...NO! In my head, it's not good. (This is where it get's complicated, so bare with me...). When i do good things, it's no biggy . I don't p...

..I ask myself. How do i enhance any bodies life??? My boyfriends? My family? My friends? My ex husband said to me... "You do NOTHING to enhance my life." And he was right.

My Christmas tree never looks any different. I don't "do" tinsel, i developed a hate/hate relationship with it about 4 years ago now, and since then, i don't go near it! Just a few gold and red ornaments. That's it. Just how i like it. :)

I'm very excited for this weekend. Saturday morning, weather permitting, i am off to change a few Christmas presents and buy the last ones that i need. My friend/son and boyfriend. Saturday night, we've got a Christmas party round a friends house.... :) Sunday, it's off to get my boyfriends Christmas tree. I've never been (real) Christmas tree shopping before, so that is something i am really looking forward to. Then it's back round to his to decorate it. Looking forward to it all... Have a fabulous weekend. Sorry, i am just editing this blog... I forgot, i have to buy for Bean's (that's what my best friend calls my boyfriend, so its how i am going to refer to him as from now on), niece and 3 nephews... Poopa.

HAVE A BATH - YOU'RE FILTH!!! P.S - While typing this, i've managed to get melted chocolate digestive all over my keyboard - nice!!!

From a beautiful girl i watch! My fellow ENGLISHMEN - This my lovelies, IS SNOW!! Check it out. Our Great country has come to a standstill......why!? Essex has had like 3 - 5 inches and schools are shut...roads are blocked (why?)....

From my boyfriend.