I'm done.

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HAD ENOUGH.

FUCKING TIRED OF LIVING LIKE A RECLUSE. TOO SCARED TO LIVE. TOO SCARED TO FIGHT. TOO SCARED TO DO ANYTHING. FEAR HAS TAKEN OVER MY LIFE FOR 11 YEARS. I CANNOT FIGHT IT. I'VE HAD ENOUGH. I LET PEOPLE DOWN ON A DAILY BASIS WITH THIS STUPID ILLNESS. I DIDN'T ASK TO BE THIS WAY, BUT I AM CONSTANTLY JUDGED BECAUSE OF IT.

WHAT DID I DO SO BAD TO DESERVE TO HAVE A LIFE LIKE THIS? WHAT DID ANY OF US DO? THIS IS FUCKING SHIT. AND I CANNOT DO IT ANY MORE. I CANNOT TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!!!

THIS IS SHIT...THIS IS HELL.

Comments

Nikki said…
Hi Sarah :)

I HATE it when ppl say this to me, my fiance usually tips me over the edge with it!... But.. do you think youre feeling so low because of PMT?
I know with most periods I feel like nothing ever goes right, that its all for nothing, I dont get anywhere, that Im totally miserable, Im no good.. I could go on and on! Some periods I feel like theres just no point carrying on I can get that low! Im assuming its all about the hormones as my anxiety and depressive feelings usually subside as my period does.

Anyway, you are a good person, all of this is a struggle an its pretty damn shit at times.. But youve made some huge improvements, you have come so far and you should be proud :) One day we'll get there.. Keep smiling and get some hugs from your OH!

xx.
24/11/2009, 12:56
Drew said…
You are such a smart cookie, I know that you are completely aware that your life does not have to be like that. You've started to make so many big leaps forward lately, so please don't lose sight of that. Above all, just keep moving forward. Even tiny baby steps make a big difference over time when taken consistently. Remember, there's nothing to be afraid of but how you feel!
25/11/2009, 01:46
em said…
a few simple words; i understand.
xxx
26/11/2009, 19:27
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