ONE..

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..thing that is holding me back in having my life exactly the way i want it and that is still the self loathing i deal with daily.

I HATE, HATE, HATE, everything about my body. There is not one bit that i am happy with. I fucking detest it all.

I'm never going to have that...and it's really hard to deal with.

If anyone has noticed i 99.9% of the time when i am out i wear sunnies. There is a reason for that. They are big and cover most of my ugly face up. I don't just wear them just when the sun is shining.

I just wish that for ONE day, i could see what it's like to be a pretty girl, with no scars/no acne/no wrinkles/good boobs and good legs, that would be amazing, never going to happen though.

Comments

vinny said…
i think we always hate ourselfs hun,i fell the same way,i have acne which i try to cover with make-up but make it worse,i have a fat arse fat belly fat legs etc,but i can just about live with that,its my anxiety that gets me down more and not being able to do things i want ;0(
to me u look stunning,ur sooo pretty so thin so tanned,so please try not to feel ugly cos ur really not,watch jeremy kyle and some of the uggers on that and then tell me ur ugly lol u cud be a model and u remind me of my sis inlaw who i think is stunning x♥x
22/07/2010, 16:28
Sarah♥ said…
Bloody hell Vinny... What lovely things to say.

It's the way i have always felt about myself. I've never like my reflection and the fact that i am killing myself to get the desired *look* isn't good. My boyfriends exes have all been beauties and i'm simply not up to their standard, i've never been up to any standard. My friends are all good looking and skinny - so what can i do apart from hate myself for looking like a sack of shit.

x
22/07/2010, 16:33
vinny said…
you are really thin though,not too skinny just right,i'm nearly 10 stone yuck what a sight lol but then again i love my food so my own fault really,and ive seen pics of ur weeding and to be honest he must have been mad to leave you,and the fella ur with now looks a nice chap but ur stunning and could have anybody you wanted lol,uve nice hair nice teeth,my boobs are smallish too but we were born this way,i dont think i'm pretty either but even the most stunning girl in the world would have something wrong wiv her i bet,u need to be told more that ur beutiful cos the more complimets you get then the more u feel better bout urself,and where the heck did u get such a nice tan from cos ive sat out in the garden for a few months now and i aint that brown,but then again its not been much of a summer upto now,where do u live as that beach looked lovely on ur pics,i live in southampton ;0) ♥
22/07/2010, 16:53
Sarah♥ said…
10 stone isn't big. You should see the people who live around me, i think the smallest is a size 18!

I wish i could have anyone, i've been told too many times by too many people that i am ugly, however my fella tells me all the time he fancies me and that he thinks i am beautiful, but he wears glasses, so what he see's is distorted!
22/07/2010, 17:32
Sarah♥ said…
10 stone isn't big. You should see the people who live around me, i think the smallest is a size 18!

I wish i could have anyone, i've been told too many times by too many people that i am ugly, however my fella tells me all the time he fancies me and that he thinks i am beautiful, but he wears glasses, so what he see's is distorted!
22/07/2010, 17:32
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