It got worse...

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Crying for 10 hours straight yesterday has caused me to have the most unbelievable pain in the sinuses this morning...

..but i had a proper meltdown about 7pm last night....

While i was sobbing i had the worst feeling in the world... After they put her to sleep they said they'd cremate her for me, which at the time i was fine with, i didn't want to see dead Billy Bonkers any more, however, thinking about it, i started stressing over what they'd do with her ashes, where would they go? They said i could have the ashes back for an extra £130...but since i'd already run up a bill of £600 from all the tests/operation/biopsies and chemo... i really couldn't do any more financially for her... I tried my hardest to get her well, spending what i could on doing that, but i'm running out of money.... Anyhoo... in a frantic moment i called the emergency line and i asked them if they'd cremated her yet and luckily they hadn't... So i am going to collect my Billy this morning and bury her in the garden, so i know where she is... The thought of not knowing where she was going to be and what they'd do with the ashes... killed me.... I am so much happier about that, but at the same time, still completely heartbroken i couldn't save her... She must have been ill for ages without showing any signs. CANCER FUCKING SUCKS ARSE!!!!!

Also, if that wasn't enough, my microwave packed up last night, so thats another £200 i have got to find.... NOT HAPPY!!!!!!!

So yeah.... Great...

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