Agoraphobia talk...
After the hoo-ha that was my Tesco trip with my mother and losing her i've been okay in there... Today, i had already been in Sainsburys but there were things that i still wanted from Tesco.
Turns out, that if my mother sits in the car while i go shopping alone, that is FINE.... But.....going in with her and losing her, totally different, panic stations... Don't get it. So anyway. I am walking around, everything is cool, i get all the things that i needed, got the the self serve checkout and suddenly, from no where, i started shaking, then came the feeling that i was going to faint. I was having visions of me legging it, getting so far out of the shop and just passing out... Not great. I continued to scan my stuff, which incidentally EVERY item i scanned there was a problem once i put it in the bag, so i had to wait for the assistant to come and sort me out... I was getting more and more fainty..... I quickly paid and went.... Just as i was walking out the door, i found a penny on the floor and like the pikey that i am, i picked it up, thought it was a good luck thing and took myself off to the ciggie counter to purchase a 'Health Lottery' ticket..... So... Moral of this story is that i felt shit - continued anyway.... High 5 anyone?
Apart from that.... I've been OFF MY FUCKING ROCKER this week. Totally 'Mental mental, chicken oriental'..... 100% cuckoo.
It goes like this. I've not been feeling great. Pains in my shoulder, then they came in my wrist/ankle (also pins and needles in my foot) AND pain in my jaw. Not to mention the stupid weight loss that has happened and that i felt as if i had run a marathon. A simple trip to the W.C left me out of breath... horrible feeling, AND the overwhelming exhaustion. To begin with i thought it was anxiety, took some rescue remedy and after that didn't work, my brain started working overtime. I refrained from Googling for a good 5 days, until i couldn't stop myself any more. Loaded up my symptoms and 9 times out of 10 it came back with Leukaemia. So then i started Googling Leukaemia. Fook me... It was me and all my symptoms. I was actually calling the doctors from Monday to get an appointment and they were fully booked. On Thursday i called and asked to speak to someone... I was called back immediately and explained how i was feeling and was offered an appointment for that day.
I walked into the surgery, sat down and said... I am so sorry for being a nuisance, but i have convinced myself i have Leukaemia... There was no glance shot at me as if i was stupid... she just said that she'd check me out and send me for more blood tests... So yeah... Now i am crapping myself waiting for the results....
On a happier note... I had a little friend gathering last night... Despite me being worried about the blood tests, we laughed and laughed and laughed until 1am..... I am so lucky to have such lovely, non-judgemental friends... Who let me bang on about being ill without battering an eyelid.... Blessed much!?
Have my father coming over today for his yearly visit...
Turns out, that if my mother sits in the car while i go shopping alone, that is FINE.... But.....going in with her and losing her, totally different, panic stations... Don't get it. So anyway. I am walking around, everything is cool, i get all the things that i needed, got the the self serve checkout and suddenly, from no where, i started shaking, then came the feeling that i was going to faint. I was having visions of me legging it, getting so far out of the shop and just passing out... Not great. I continued to scan my stuff, which incidentally EVERY item i scanned there was a problem once i put it in the bag, so i had to wait for the assistant to come and sort me out... I was getting more and more fainty..... I quickly paid and went.... Just as i was walking out the door, i found a penny on the floor and like the pikey that i am, i picked it up, thought it was a good luck thing and took myself off to the ciggie counter to purchase a 'Health Lottery' ticket..... So... Moral of this story is that i felt shit - continued anyway.... High 5 anyone?
Apart from that.... I've been OFF MY FUCKING ROCKER this week. Totally 'Mental mental, chicken oriental'..... 100% cuckoo.
It goes like this. I've not been feeling great. Pains in my shoulder, then they came in my wrist/ankle (also pins and needles in my foot) AND pain in my jaw. Not to mention the stupid weight loss that has happened and that i felt as if i had run a marathon. A simple trip to the W.C left me out of breath... horrible feeling, AND the overwhelming exhaustion. To begin with i thought it was anxiety, took some rescue remedy and after that didn't work, my brain started working overtime. I refrained from Googling for a good 5 days, until i couldn't stop myself any more. Loaded up my symptoms and 9 times out of 10 it came back with Leukaemia. So then i started Googling Leukaemia. Fook me... It was me and all my symptoms. I was actually calling the doctors from Monday to get an appointment and they were fully booked. On Thursday i called and asked to speak to someone... I was called back immediately and explained how i was feeling and was offered an appointment for that day.
I walked into the surgery, sat down and said... I am so sorry for being a nuisance, but i have convinced myself i have Leukaemia... There was no glance shot at me as if i was stupid... she just said that she'd check me out and send me for more blood tests... So yeah... Now i am crapping myself waiting for the results....
On a happier note... I had a little friend gathering last night... Despite me being worried about the blood tests, we laughed and laughed and laughed until 1am..... I am so lucky to have such lovely, non-judgemental friends... Who let me bang on about being ill without battering an eyelid.... Blessed much!?
Have my father coming over today for his yearly visit...
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