My desire...
..to be a mother again is becoming stronger and stronger everyday, i'm thinking it's because i am with a man who never wants children so i know while i am with him, that choice is taken right out of my hands and its not going to happen.
A lovely friend is trying for a baby at the moment, and i know of several people who are pregnant or trying to fall pregnant and i want that. I desperately want that.
Pregnancy was a breeze for me, i loved every second of it...and i'm fully aware i have a child already and i should be happy...blah, blah, blah - but being brutally honest here (and i can be, since blogging is all about honesty), i don't think i will be 100% happy until i have another child.
So Sarah is stuck with ANOTHER dilemma... To give up the one thing i want out of my life to a man who won't be with me for more than 5 minutes...OR...leave the security of what i have RIGHT NOW to possibly never find "Mr. Right" to become pregnant anyway?
Stressing.
A lovely friend is trying for a baby at the moment, and i know of several people who are pregnant or trying to fall pregnant and i want that. I desperately want that.
Pregnancy was a breeze for me, i loved every second of it...and i'm fully aware i have a child already and i should be happy...blah, blah, blah - but being brutally honest here (and i can be, since blogging is all about honesty), i don't think i will be 100% happy until i have another child.
So Sarah is stuck with ANOTHER dilemma... To give up the one thing i want out of my life to a man who won't be with me for more than 5 minutes...OR...leave the security of what i have RIGHT NOW to possibly never find "Mr. Right" to become pregnant anyway?
Stressing.
Comments
My friend never wanted children until an 'accident' happened and now he's so devoted to his kids it's amazing to see the change in him. Perhaps your boyfriend would feel differently too holding his own child in his arms? Thing is, if he's not committed to try then he'll never find out. It must be hard for you when you need that 100% support to make your dream come true :(
I don't know what to say sweetie. I've never had a maternal instinct but I'm more aware now of my body clock ticking. I've just resigned myself to the fact I'll never be a mum, end of story. It's kinda tragic so I say you ought to follow your dreams.
If you really only believe he'll be with you for five minutes then what chance have you got of any kind of future? I guess you guys have discussed these and future plans? It seems odd because from what you say he's a star with Stinky. I hope you can work it out for the happiness of you both xxx
I hate myself for feeling like this because i'm heading for a big fall. I go through phases of really wanting to be a mother (again) and because its happening over and over, i realise now that its something that i obviously deep down really want to do.
My boyfriend HATES babies/children - older children are okay...but he doesn't want the responsibility which is why he doesn't want to commit to ANYONE...not just me. Its the responsibility of being with ONE person. He can't do it. That's just him.
Thing is Steph, we don't have a future.
x
I started having regular panic attacks at 5 months pregnant, which got worse so by the time i had him i couldn't drive myself. Then (because i thought it was all hormone related) i tried to start driving again, but i just got worse and worse. When i became housebound my boy must have been about a year old and that lasted for 18mos/2 years. I coped just about, it was hard, because at that time i spent all day on the edge of panicking. Sitting in the corner shaking, whilst trying to care for a baby. I did it though. I looked after him as any "normal" parent would.
I'm a bit surprised about the social services being involved, because my health visitor knew all about my problems and i never had anyone come and see me. They would never take the child off you unless they thought it was in danger - which of course, yours won't be. They have to put everything in place, especially after all the media attention on how children are being cared for. No reflection on you.
My pregnancy was amazing. I felt a bit poorly at the beginning, but nothing major, just offish. Then i bloomed and gave birth - simple :)
Sadly, and i hate keep reminding myself, my boyfriend is NON-COMMITTING. I wish he was, i do, but some things in life aren't meant to be - and i guess, thats one of them.
x
you have put my mind at rest about the baby thing though i think a bit,the problem is that i shake and would be scared of dropping it,god i'm bad enough at holding a cup of tea in front of just my boyfriend let alone a baby in front of other people ggrrrr but ur right and i'm sure i would cope and ur probably right again that they have to make people sign stuff like that as a formality now,its only incase they think the baby was in any harm and it wouldnt be so i know ur right in what you say,have u been to see phycatrists and care co-ordinators?is that what a key worker is and have they helped much with ur agarophobia?do they come round to ur house and make u walk to the shop with them and stuff? that would be weird lol did u suffer from post natal depression cos i do have depression and think it may bring that on if i have it already? i'm sure i worry about worrying ha ha,will read ur comment 2moz as bed time now,goodnight and thanks for being there to chat to as i love to read ur blogs and what uve been upto,sweet dreams ♥♥
(V)are you really happy with him though sarah,i know you love him but you keep saying its not gonna last?are you just guessing that or has he said something to make you think that?
(S) I am happy with him, i suppose because no one other than my mother has ever offered me this much support and patience. It won't last because from his past relationships not going longer than 4 years (remembering he's 41) and the fact that i am told he doesn't want marriage or children quite often.
(V)i dont think i could stay with a man who did not want marrige a baby or even to live in the same house as me cos i would see that as just being a bit weird and i would think he just wanted to go out with his mates etc,not trying to upset you far from it,i'm just saying how i would feel thats all,i think me myself would look for somebody else who really wanted to commit but thats just me,not saying you should do that lol.
(S) I know what you're saying and i do feel like that, but like i said in my post, with him i DO have the support and understand. Another fella might not be that way, my ex certainly wasn't.
(V)have u been to see phycatrists and care co-ordinators?is that what a key worker is and have they helped much with ur agarophobia?do they come round to ur house and make u walk to the shop with them and stuff?
(S) I've seen psychiatrists, psychotherapist, Cognitive behavioural therapists, you name it, i've done it. I'm not too sure what a key-worker is, perhaps that is just someone who comes to see if you're okay? I dunno. I have had therapists in the past that made me walk out which i failed miserably at, and my last therapist who specialised in CBT was shite. I didn't really get on very well at all. In fact, all the progress i have made is on my own with my boyfriend.
(V) did u suffer from post natal depression cos i do have depression and think it may bring that on if i have it already? i'm sure i worry about worrying ha ha,will read ur comment 2moz as bed time now,goodnight and thanks for being there to chat to as i love to read ur blogs and what uve been upto,sweet dreams ♥♥
(S) I had a few days of the "Baby blues" but no PND and i have suffered from depression since the age of 16. So luckily despite everything else, having my son definitely didn't make me worse. I did have depression come on again, but that was only due to the health anxiety/panic attacks/agoraphobia and bulimia that i was going through at the time.
I hope this has help lovely. Anything you want to ask - please do :)
x
and yeah ur probably right about never knowing what another man would be like with you,at least ur boyfriend is supportive and u get on well together its just so hard with him not wanting to commit,maybe he will change his mind in the future fingers crossed you will just have to keep on at him lol.
thanks for putting my mind at ease about having a baby and i know my fella will be there to help so i shouldnt panic too much about things,glad you didnt get pnd though thats good.
sorry you had to remove a comment i hope it wasnt over what i had wrote as things do tend to come out wrong out of my mouth especially over the internet lol so hope i didnt upset anybody in my previous comments,well its pissing down here again and meant to last for days ;0(
its really nice having you to chat to and knowing somebody that goes through very simlar things to myself,i think uve had it longer than me though as my anxiety panic attacks,social phobia depression started about 10-11 years back and then the agarophobia crept in about 5 years ago,god why couldnt i just have one thing and not the whole shabang grrrrr not fair is it ;0(
chat to you soon and thanks again for ur advice {{{hugs}}} x♥x
When you have your baby, you'll have support from your fella, which is fab. Do you have friends and family that would help out too?
x
he helps me out loads and like u ive had more help from him than anybody else really,and nope my brother and sister live up north,one in anglesey wales and other near chester and i also have a sis that lives in australia as she moved there a year ago,both my parents passed away when i was 14 and 15 and my fellas family we dont see much either due to my crappy social phobia and everything else ggrrrr but we will cope i'm sure,the baby only needs in mum and dad and lots of love right,so the internet is really my saviour to chat to people,i always say i'm not going when family invite me to events,i had to say no to my sis who invited me to a christening next month cos i feel to crappy,so i dont really see my nieces and nephews,sad really ;0(
where do you live in the uk are you from the north? i did live up north near chester but moves to southampton about 9-10 years ago,they say its meant to be hotter down south lol what a load of crap we are gonna have to hire a boat to get to the shop if the rain gets any heavier ha ha xx
Sorry to hear about your parents, that must have been tough :(
I'm in Essex lovely...and yes, it's supposed to be lovely here too, but f**k me, i've got my canoe on standby. My garden is flooded, which isn't great...but still, the grass will be green again...
x
never been to essex lol about the canoe and yeah our grass will be about 6 foot tall soon lol,we only moved into this 3 bed house about a year back,we lived in a 1 bed flat b4 so its nice just to have a garden as it was shared b4,its only rented though not our own ;0(
sweet dreams and thanks for chatting ur one in a million ♥x♥