Bank Holiday Monday tears...

-
My boyfriend left me this morning at 8.15am (wanted his 'me' time) and i've not stopped crying since. I am a mess.

I don't know if it's to do with the not smoking because today has been by far the hardest day yet...i absolutely NEED to smoke RIGHT NOW...but i'm not. Instead i am substituting yummy chocolate biscuits for the ciggies. Not the smartest thing i have ever done and i did try blueberries, but didn't quite hit the spot.

To me, and perhaps i am wrong(?), but Bank Holidays are meant to be for people in relationships to be together? Whereas my boyfriend left so early this morning, like he couldn't wait to get out of the door. I don't know if i am reading too much into things, but i feel that he's not as affectionate just lately, and that the phone calls/texts are not as frequent. I really don't know. If i was to say any of this then he'd say i was worrying for nothing... but sometimes you just "know" something is wrong.

Comments

Robert said…
I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you, Sarah. I hope that there is nothing wrong.

However, about the not smoking - eating junk is not good for you, but smoking is much, much worse! Good on you for keeping off the ciggies despite times of stress.
05/04/2010, 17:05
Nikki said…
Hi Sarah, I wouldn't read anything into it.. I remember when Si first asked me for some time on his own - I was GUTTED! I hated it the whole idea, admittedly its a bit different because time on his own means me going elsewhere, ie my Mums(!), but he doesnt really say it much anymore. Im hoping his afternoons in the garage, nights out here and there are all helping. Besides, sometimes its nice to be on your own, wax your legs, do some false tan, face mask, hair treatments, anything that you enjoy doing, something girly that perhaps you would only do without a fella there?
Im not sure how much time youve been spending together over the last few days, but maybe he just fancies a chill out and a mess about with his new toy before hes back at work?

Dont worry :)

Oh, and dont worry about the biscuits either!

xx.
05/04/2010, 17:23
lotte said…
Firstly, dont worry bout the biccies.....better than nicotine

Secondly....your 'Mr'
I can understand you worrying, but im fairly sure it will be for nothing, but I've been there I think its the wanting to feel 'wanted' and 'needed' all the time by others, its comforting when you know someone wants to spend a lot of time with you, however, I know for me sometimes I feel like saying 'bugger off out for the day and let me have some peace, just to be by myself' you know so i can read a magazine and relax....but i cant say it because I feel i may upset the other half....like nikki says he probably wants to play with his gadgets.

xxxx
05/04/2010, 19:19
coffeecup said…
You have such strength and determination. Huge congratulations for giving up three whole days already. See how amazing you are! When you put your mind to something Sarah you can doing anything you want to :)

Ah I hope nothing is wrong too, but reckon perhaps your boyfriend just had plans in his head for today. Love is not about being needed and wanted all of the time it's about allowing each other to be themselves and make their own choices. I'm sure it's nothing to worry over. Do something lovely for yourself this evening. Facepack and nail painting, hmm, sounds like an excellent idea! I may join you. Take care sweet girl xxx
05/04/2010, 20:19
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

CLOSURE. THE END!!!!!

-
Image
Where it all started... Say Hi and Goodbye to my EX HUSBAND. This is the precious man that i loved for all those years but who treated me like dog shite... I'm only really posting these pictures because i LOVE LOVE LOVE my wedding dress. It was EXACTLY what i wanted. Gorgeous...stunning...i still love it now, rammed upstairs in the loft, screwed up in a ball somewhere :) Don't i look happy? Unfortunately by the end of the day, i was crying!
Read more

From the mouth of an EX agoraphobic

-
A friend of mine yesterday pointed out what a person had written on their blog about being agoraphobic. Said person is an EX agoraphobic...this is what was said. "Agoraphobia is a selfish state of mind. Its completely "curable", and yet some people just wallow in their own self-pity and will never ever get over themselves and recover. When you are so worried about yourself all the time, how can you possibly be a good mother to someone else? Or a good wife/girlfriend/friend? I've unfortunately been the agoraphobic, and I've been the agoraphobics friend. As the friend, it was miserable. Nothing was ever about anything else but them. It was annoying and frustrating. And completely in their hands to change it, but they wouldn't. Because they're too selfish and self centered. Those aren't qualities people like in a person." Opinions please?
Read more

It DID get worse..

-
Image
...now there's a shocker! I have spent the entire evening in hospital. We had to call an ambulance, these feelings in my heart were insane. I was sat in the back on the ambulance and they did all my obs. I was tachycardic, my BP was really high (usually its stupid low) and my ECG was showing Atrial fibrillation, meaning the top two chambers of my heart are beating faster than the bottom two. I was put on oxygen as well because my breathing was a little bit crappy. The medic man stuck a candular in my hand and hit a valve apparently, my hand swelled up in seconds, it was so painful. Got to the hospital and did all the necessary things and then we had to wait...and wait...and wait. Where they'd stuck that needle in the back of my hand and hit the valve, it started going dead. I couldn't feel 4 of my fingers! I called to get someone to take the bugger out. I'm left with a lovely bit blue bruise this morning. My step-father was called to pick us up because we thoug...
Read more