BEING SARAH.......

MORE HALLOWEEN PICTURES HERE!

I had my sons' friend call up and ask if Stinky wanted to go trick 'n' treating. It's the first time he's ever been, but because he was at his daddy's it would be a matter of "What shall i put him in?". I have no costume prepared. I got online, checked out some Halloween makeup and this is what i came up with. With my lovely beautiful friend here for her 'expert' guidance...this is what the final outfit looked like, and if i do say so myself, i did a bloody good job!!!! Pumpkin at the ready, goodies in a box, i am just waiting now for the children to start arriving ;) HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYONE!!!

My handsome prince was! What a fabulous day we had. We went to town to find a present from my mother and because i bought him a laptop a few weeks ago, i said i wasn't buying him anything else, i obviously didn't stick to it - i got him a couple of little extras! Thing i have noticed about my child is this. He is ALWAYS SO grateful, for everything, no matter how little. He didn't really have many presents to open, yet he was really appreciative for them all, he doesn't give a crap about value, in fact, i think he has little to no concept of money, whereas his friend, when i gave him his present on Sunday, the FIRST thing he asked was "How much did you spend?". How disgusting is that? I got really quite pissed off. Anyway - there is this gadget shop that Stinky wanted to go in, but after 30 minutes of searching, there was nothing in there that he wanted. There was only one other thing that he would have liked but i disagreed because it was too big (for a...

I've had such a manic weekend. From start to finish. Saturday it was a matter of urgency that i buy new clothes for a dinner party that evening. Thinking i could get away with going into ONE shop that was home to Topshop, Miss Selfridge, DP, Warehouse, but that was clearly very ambitious of me, because after trying on countless outfits, i came away with nothing. So then i dragged my poor mother into town to make an attack on River Island where i managed to find some lovely things, including some new boots, which my boyfriend then BROKE taking them off of me. Not happy! £80 and i wore them for 3 minutes :( The dinner party was amazing. Goats cheese on toast for starters, then a lovely homemade vegetable pie, followed by the most gorgeous chocolate fondant pudding with raspberry sorbet. I was stuffed, well and truly. Sunday was Stinkys bowling party. PICTURES HERE! It was a lot of fun. I lost - no surprises there though! After all that hullabaloo, went back to my boyfri...

Today would have been my 7th anniversary!

I am considering buying a new recording device so i can do more stuff when i am out. Can anybody give me advice for a good camera to use. I've looked at the Flip Mino/Ultra, but i really have no idea. Help?

...for my nephew! I made it out, to dinner, with LOADS of children...and drove back in the dark, which is a biggy for me, because i hate driving in the dark, in fact, i have a new fear of the dark which is going to make this winter VERY interesting!!! PICTURES HERE!

...have been stressful to say the least. What with all the bullshit from overseas, then my fence being kicked down, TWICE, my gallbladder pain, face swelling to the size of a balloon, relationship concerns, (other things that i can't mention), more gallbladder pain, tiredness, MORE things that i can't talk about.... I am just about done! Perhaps ALL this bad stuff is 'karma' coming to get me for being such a deceitful/lying/nasty/dishonest bitch? Who knows? Maybe yes, maybe no, but whatever it is - i am SO over it now.

I am asking for ideas for YouTube videos.. I love doing them, but i can't think of a topic - What would you like to see me talk about.... HELP ME ;) PLEASE!

Question time, if you'd like to participate... What is the biggest secret you've kept and the biggest lie you've told. You can submit your comment anonymously to protect your identity. I am guessing the biggest lie i've told is telling my first husband i was in love with him, when in fact, YES i DID love him, but not in that way, i was just a pregnant, scared 22 year old, desperate to be taken care of. I'm not proud of what i did, but at the time, my step father was threatening to kick me out of my home as soon as the baby was born...so i clung on to someone i knew who cared about me (and borderline stalked me for 2 years before i got with him).

I've spent a day gardening and tiding both my boyfriends house and my house. I LOVE helping him out, he works very long hours and if i can help him at the weekend (today Monday is like a Sunday to him, he works Tues - Sat), then i will. After we did his house, he came back to mine and cut my honeysuckle back about 6ft... It was SO wide, i couldn't see to the end of my garden. When he left, i had to clean up all the cuttings, then i mowed (for the last time this year), followed by cutting down my honeysuckle at the front... It had grown too much over the door and it was mostly dead wood anyway, but now, it looks all neat and tidy, ready for (dare i say it) - WINTER!!! So now, at 7pm, i am going to have a LONG HOT bubble bath and enjoy my new read, Russell Brands 'Booky Wook 2'....

From now on, i am going to write about WHO i want and WHAT i want - NO HOLES BARRED. I'm not going to be worried about blogging certain things because it might not be what people want to read, i blog for a reason, to get things out in the open, to clear my head and heart... I'm not here to make friends...i'm here for myself and if people reading like what they see, then thats fabulous, if they don't, then no one is forcing them to put my blog address into Google. So yeah, i am pissed off having to conform to what other people want, from this moment, they can jog on!

How is an agoraphobic, mental fuck up with severe low self esteem meant to.. A) Be IN a relationship? B) Feel secure in a relationship when the other party is a commitmentphobe?

..local lad (lives very near me) proves himself on X-Factor. Support this amazing singer - Matt Cardle, he's frigging amazing. BIG UP THE ESSEX BOY!

Busy weekend. Went into town and met up with my gorgeous beautiful friend... Yesterday, i felt so tired, and roughly 10 minutes before i was meant to be going to my sisters i suddenly became almost zombiefied - i couldn't move, i was that tired, which isn't that surprising since i'd been awake from 1AM! By 4pm it should have been my bedtime. Exhaustion aside, i dragged myself out for dinner (with my dad, his wife, bf and Stinky). It was a lot of fun actually. This morning, getting up at 7am (WTF, IT'S SUNDAY!?), picked up my boy and went on our way to the Food Fair. OMGosh, what a divine experience. My boyfriend bought me a lovely piece of cheese, onion chutney, cheese and onion bread and biscuits. Doesn't sound a lot, but these places are extremely expensive. Me just woken up this morning - make-up free.... 2 pictures from the food fair :) Oh...i forgot, i was treated yesterday (doesn't happen that often - i've been throughly spoilt this weekend)...

My friend called me today and told me something so fricking hilarious that i actually cried with laughter and continued to do so for a good half an hour and every-single-time i think about it, i do really " LOL/PMSL/ROFL ". I think it's one of those stories that i won't ever forget, never ever. Obviously my vagueness means i can't divulge in the details....just trust me when i say - It was bloody funny. In fact it made my day/week and probably my month. I *think* it may even take the award for the funniest story of the year, 2010. Another friend told me a little story...another funny one, that i CAN share. It goes like this... My friend went into a public toilet, 2 cubicles were busy and the one empty one was disgusting, covered in shit. She made a pfft noise and thought, i'm not using that, i'll wait. Standing with her arms folded waiting for a toilet to come free another women came in. She walked into the disgusting empty toilet and made the s...

I think, i think..all this "I still love my ex" nonsense has started from when my fence was kicked down, because IF there was ever any trouble, although he hated me, he would ALWAYS defend me in any situation. Whereas, my boyfriend, isn't confrontational, in the slightest. Also, despite my ex hating me....he was willing to marry me - to live with me, to make a life with me.... (do you see where i am going with this?) - my boyfriend - ISN'T! I think him being with me, it's all fallen into place and i drew the short straw. Ex girlfriends of his have always wanted to move in/get married/have children....so there has been more of a commitment between them because they DID move in, but me, i don't want to - and won't ever do that. So there is not even the slightest bit of commitment needed from him. I will NEVER EVER be secure in this relationship, how can i be?

How can i still love someone who was so mean to me? Why can't i get over this? Why do i have these feelings? Why now, am i dreaming about this man? I am so confused.

...and i am only just starting to feel semi-conscious. I had a very busy day yesterday....too busy in fact, and also waking up at 11.10pm (for 30 minutes) , 2.05am (for one hour) , 4.30am (for one hour) and getting up at 6, might have something to do with it! So today, all i have done besides cleaning is lay about trying to get to sleep, which hasn't happened since my boyfriend has called A LOT! Now, i have got to get my arse into gear and do my exercises and then start on dinner. Currently my son is doing his French homework, then he's got R.E, so i'm looking at a good hour before dinner really needs to started, so between now and then, i've got to make it downstairs to exercise, which quite honestly is less than appealing. Other than tiredness, exhaustion...blah blah blah, i am pleased to say that my poorly face is 100% back to normal and i reckon because my skin was pretty much burnt off, it's left me with skin as good as new, so every cloud......... ;)...

I sent this to my boyfriend this morning before i went out.... Needless to say, he liked it - a lot!

...ONE THING to make you re-evaluate everything, your whole life. What you know as familiar, needs to be addressed and taken into consideration.

From anxietyguru.net Check it out HERE!!!

IF you want to comment - email me at beingsarahc@aol.com. I have no idea where they've gone. All settings are correct - so, who knows!?

My weekend. Saturday, my lovely boyfriend came round, despite my face still not looking great. I didn't mind because i was babysitting my niece and nephew! Yesterday we went to visit my boyfriends mother and then had friends round in the evening. Busy day, Oh, i love days like these, apart from when you get up, realise there is water pissing through your ceiling and a hole is starting to appear! WTF???? We started off round my boyfriends, then we took a drive out to a butchers/abattoir... Nice, for a vegetarian. He bought a ton of meat for him and Stinky. I just stood there gagging the whole time. On the way home we made an impromptu stop at the same place i went with Ruby Wax and this time, i climbed to the top of the enormous hill! Half way up i was knackered, but continued anyway :) ....On the search for Krispy Kreme doughnuts, it took us on a nice little tip out. Bought 2, and OMG they were delicious. Then my BF wanted to take me to Stansted Airport, "It's e...

Woke up, the swelling was still there but not quite so bad. Gradually during the day it completely subsided to almost nothing. INSTEAD i have blisters all over my face...which....i don't mind so much! Funny that. I've been nowhere and done nothing today. GOOD DAY!

I'm going this alone. I don't want anyone near me... I don't want to talk to anyone... All i want to do is sit and wait for this bullshit to go off my face. I've had a couple of doses off Prednisolone now. First one was fine. No reaction, in fact it didn't do anything. Didn't take the itching away, didn't make my swelling down down. Just after the second dose, i felt sick, legs were aching and i cried for England. I cried down the phone to my boyfriend (not just cried, i SOBBED) about everything. This is a BDD sufferers worst nightmare. You already despise the way you look, but now - i REALLY AM DISFIGURED. Nearly 3 days in, i still look a frigging mess and in fact the rash on my neck has started weeping, which is nice.... [[OMG - about 10 minutes ago i put in eye drops and sitting here in bed, i have just tasted them at the back of my throat - how bloody disgusting.]] My son is at his daddy's tonight, so it's been a really quiet night, quite...

It's 8pm and where the skin on my neck is so sore and tight, i start to get panicky because it feels like i am being strangled. My next door neighbour texts me to see if i'm alright and i said no (obviously) so she came straight round. She can see that i am really distressed and getting panicky, so she calls up the out of hours doctor for me. She was absolutely brilliant. So calming. The doctor sends a "CODE RED" paramedic to me.... (who incidentally saw me that day in the chemist getting my medication). He checks me over, asks if i do an recreational drugs because my pupils are so big....lol. Then comes the ambulance. They check me over and said i am in no immediate danger - so, i can stay at home. Thing is, when i was given the steroids and the doctor didn't realise that i am mental because you're not meant to give this particular drug to mental people, so i had to get Benadryl and some steroid cream (neither of which worked). Anyway - the ambul...