One born every minute.

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Have you seen that show on Channel 4? I watched if for the first time today on youtube and caught the second episode.

I cried the whole way through. The girl on there was 20, with partner, no job and no home (i guess she'd stay with her mother). That didn't make me cry. I think the realisation that i will NEVER have that. Stinky was born from a two night stand, yes people - what a slut! But as i mentioned before, i was having no periods, meaning NO ovulation - but i still got pregnant, he was a miracle.

As a girl growing up, you dream of having the perfect relationship, with the perfect man and having the perfect home and family. That's not going to happen for me.

Marriage number one, didn't want children. Marriage number two, i got broody once or twice, but KNEW that it wasn't right after he called me a useless and bad mother and asked me what did i have to offer anyone, especially a child.

Now i am with someone who i love/adore, who is good to me BUT he doesn't want children...or anything.

I wrote that post recently about that i was okay with all that, but i'm not so sure. Can you really sustain a relationship for however long with no solid commitment of somekind? Because of this, it makes me even more sure that what we have is only temporary. I WILL get hurt in the end. He thinks because i've been married twice and already got my son that none of that stuff is important. No, marriage isn't that important to me, but at some point, in OUR future, i would like to know that we are commited to each other. Really won't happen though.

I KNOW i should be grateful for having my boy because there are thousands of women who are desperate to have just the one healthy, happy child, and i am, i really am - but for once in my life, i just want something good, i want that family unit. Sadly, it's not going to happen.

How do you come to terms with that? I love my boyfriend and i don't want it to end...but {HE JUST CALLED WHILE TYPING THIS AND HAD A REALLY HARD TIME HOLDING IT TOGETHER - IF HE KNEW I FELT LIKE THIS, IT WOULD DEFINITELY FINISH}...do i just carry on as if everything is cool, or do i do what is right? If we split up then how do i know i would find someone else as lovely as him? It's a big risk to take, plus, i AM agoraphobic and don't get out much!!!

Comments

Nikki said…
Hi :)

Has he given you reasons why he doesn't want it, do they seem reasonable? It seems odd to say marriage and children isnt important because youve already done it.. that says to me that a) youve not been honest with him (because it obv is important to you) and b) its not really a proper reason is it, not on his side of things anyway?
Has he wanted these things in the past, or is he just not the type of person?
I think as its only been 8 months there is plenty of time for him to change his mind on his own doing, its still early days in some respects and I dont feel its worth throwing the towel in already, but having said that you need to be totally honest with him and try to be honest, if he runs for the hills because you hope for commitment one day then that would say a lot.

:)

xx.
22/02/2010, 09:29
Sarah♥ said…
He thinks marriage is pointless, "Just a piece of paper" - and children, he's never wanted them. He's not that kind of person.

Marriage isn't important, but like i said, just SOMEKIND of commitment would be good.

I do tend to fall in love very quickly - but this time it's different. I *think* he loves me, and this is the first time i have been in a relationship where love has been coming from both sides.

Everytime i think about this, i cry, i am crying now, i cried earlier when i left his house. I cannot believe i have found what i see as my perfect boyfriend, and he will never commit to me.
22/02/2010, 09:35
Nikki said…
You really need to tell him how you feel, you cant carry on like this can you.. crying at just the thought of it, thats a horrible place to be. He really needs to know how you truly feel, and while 8 months isn't that long (in terms of him changing his opinion), its long enough to not be scared off at the fact you would like some commitment. Afterall its not like youre asking him to go out and buy an engagement ring tomorrow, you'd just like a bit of hope being put your way and in the scale of things thats not much to ask for!
I obv dont know whats been said between you both, how many times youve talked about it, what hes said, but its still obv upsetting you. I think you should get everything off your chest (theres nothing worse than having something on your mind *all* the time) then try and move on and just take things as they come.
..My opinion is that I think theres a good chance he wont feel the same in a year or so myself. Si talks about things he wouldnt have done at 8 months, kids for example, we obv live together now, even the dog - he hated the idea of that a year ago..

Dont worry.. or try not to anyway (easier said than done I know) :)

Oh, and btw Ive made my blog invitation only (just because the things I write are causing upset, but I need to be honest in my blog for my own sanity!), if you still wanna follow drop me an email with your addy and I will invite you. Its nicholaward09@googlemail.com NP if you dont want to btw :)
22/02/2010, 09:53
Sarah♥ said…
We spoke about it on Sunday and he says that he doesn't want to be with anyone else. Why isn't that enough?
22/02/2010, 10:23
Robert said…
I didn't want Marie to move in with me for about a year (would have been more, probably, if she hadn't been pregnant). I didn't want to marry her for about 6 years.

Despite that, I didn't want anyone else and I couldn't even imagine living without her.

One day marriage just seemed right.

It's different for everybody. Everybody has their own speed of developing their relationship.

There's no real reason for your fella to get married, other than a public statement of committment. It's early days yet. Wait until he's moved in with you for a couple of years. The longer you two are together, the harder it will be for him to imagine life without you. Then he will be open to some type of public committment.

You're feeling insecure at the moment, and that's (to me, anyway) understandable. You need time to feel totally secure with him, too, before you rush into marriage or any other supposedly permanent arrangement!

Good luck!
22/02/2010, 14:10
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