No better.

-
Mentally i am feeling stronger than i have in a long long time. Emotionally, i feel like shit. Can't shake this feeling of being so unattractive and useless.

I don't write this for people to say that i'm "not ugly" because of course people won't say "Oh yeah Sarah, you look like a pig". I would rather people be honest that trying to make me feel better.

I know what i see. I know what i look like RIGHT NOW and its horrible.

My boyfriend will leave me, if it's not because me being so disgusting, it will be something else to do with me being so damn pathetic.

Comments

Amy said…
Hun, I know you're beautiful but that really doesn't matter when it comes to self esteem and how you're feeling about yourself. I know. I pick myself apart too.

All I can really say is massive (((hugs)))), hang in there, your boyfriend will be there for the good times and the bad and if a person is only there for the good times, they're not interested anyway and you don't need them in your life, but I've no doubt he's not going anywhere.

Try to remember that this is just a dark time and that it will pass. Us people with low self esteem are never happy about how we are or how we look, but there are easier times xxxx
16/04/2010, 23:45
vinny said…
Hi Sarah i have been reading ur blogs for a while now as i too suffer from agarophbia ,social phobia,anxiety and depression so i know how you feel,i have only just plucked up the courage to say hiya lol so hiya nice to meet you ;0)
i'd just like to say though that i think ur dead pretty and ur fella is lucky to have sombody who is really stunning,ur very slim have nice hair and a pretty face,what more could a fella want so don't be soo down on urself hun,love vinny x♥x
01/05/2010, 22:34
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

CLOSURE. THE END!!!!!

-
Image
Where it all started... Say Hi and Goodbye to my EX HUSBAND. This is the precious man that i loved for all those years but who treated me like dog shite... I'm only really posting these pictures because i LOVE LOVE LOVE my wedding dress. It was EXACTLY what i wanted. Gorgeous...stunning...i still love it now, rammed upstairs in the loft, screwed up in a ball somewhere :) Don't i look happy? Unfortunately by the end of the day, i was crying!
Read more

From the mouth of an EX agoraphobic

-
A friend of mine yesterday pointed out what a person had written on their blog about being agoraphobic. Said person is an EX agoraphobic...this is what was said. "Agoraphobia is a selfish state of mind. Its completely "curable", and yet some people just wallow in their own self-pity and will never ever get over themselves and recover. When you are so worried about yourself all the time, how can you possibly be a good mother to someone else? Or a good wife/girlfriend/friend? I've unfortunately been the agoraphobic, and I've been the agoraphobics friend. As the friend, it was miserable. Nothing was ever about anything else but them. It was annoying and frustrating. And completely in their hands to change it, but they wouldn't. Because they're too selfish and self centered. Those aren't qualities people like in a person." Opinions please?
Read more

It DID get worse..

-
Image
...now there's a shocker! I have spent the entire evening in hospital. We had to call an ambulance, these feelings in my heart were insane. I was sat in the back on the ambulance and they did all my obs. I was tachycardic, my BP was really high (usually its stupid low) and my ECG was showing Atrial fibrillation, meaning the top two chambers of my heart are beating faster than the bottom two. I was put on oxygen as well because my breathing was a little bit crappy. The medic man stuck a candular in my hand and hit a valve apparently, my hand swelled up in seconds, it was so painful. Got to the hospital and did all the necessary things and then we had to wait...and wait...and wait. Where they'd stuck that needle in the back of my hand and hit the valve, it started going dead. I couldn't feel 4 of my fingers! I called to get someone to take the bugger out. I'm left with a lovely bit blue bruise this morning. My step-father was called to pick us up because we thoug...
Read more