Here's the deal...

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..LIVING with Body Dysmorphia Disorder is hard enough, but i really didn't think it through that well when i agreed to do this collaboration channel. The whole reason i've not been making videos that often for my own personal channel is because...well...i just feel too fucking ugly. And since SANTA was generous enough to give me an extra 11 hellish pounds of FAT on my body (gone up in the last week), i just feel gross. I hate myself (EVEN MORE THAN NORMAL), and knowing i am under pressure to make videos once a week is really difficult.

Despite eating NO biscuits, NO nibbles, NO cheese, NO bread....only veg once a day, i can't grasp why the weight isn't coming off. Today i bought myself some Weight Watcher scales, the kind that measures water, body fat, BMI and weight. Problem i have is that i am scared to use them in case i don't like what i see, and that will just make me go silly and starve myself, which isn't good, but it works. I have no idea how these extra lbs are going to go without simply giving up food altogether.

BOTTOM LINE is that i feel ugly, larger than normal, face looks puffy, arse is huge, legs are fat and belly has lost all definition, and i am so unhappy with my reflection :(

..............SO, what does a girl do when she feels fucking ugly and fat - GOES SHOPPING OF COURSE!!!!!

Comments

vinny said…
well shopping always helps me or i end up just eating more which isnt good like comfort eating.
i think this is why you need to do these videos to explain to people going through the same thing how you feel,how fat and ugly you feel as they will be able to relate to you and may even have some surgestions for ya? i can't really give you any help of body dismorphia as i don't suffer from it,yeah i dislike my body but doesn't everyone,i never let my fella see me with the lights on lol maybe when its dim with the hall light on thats ok ha ha,really wish i could give you some words of wisdom though but you know you need fuel just like a car to carry on running smoothly,if you don't eat a healthy diet like 3 square meals a day then that car will conk out in the end hun and it can't be doing ur insides any good either ;0(
all my love and hugs always from vin but try to keep the videos up as they may just help a bit xxxx
14/01/2011, 21:03
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