Oh my gosh.

Having very few memories of my early childhood, parents divorcing, us (mum, sister and me) moving to Clacton with the 'Man from across the road'....my sister does. She has vivid memories of the 'hell' we went through and she struggles terribly with the whole ordeal and i call it an ordeal because at her age of almost 41 it still rips her apart. Mentally it has fucked her up.

She has decided to write about it. So far she has got to her teenage years and she just read me what she's written so far. Oh my gosh. To be honest i am thankful that i don't recall the early days. What we went through and what she CAN remember is horrible. Our life, growing up i wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. It was a VERY unhappy upbringing with a mixture of beatings, heads being banged together, arguments, my step fathers insanely wild temper and being punished for nothing more than leaving crumbs on a chair or leaving a cup on the side. As i got older i remember things like having a cup thrown at my head, just missing me and my friend as we're running out of the back door and it smashing against the fence, or the time i tried to do a good thing by bringing in logs for our fire (i was 8) and my step father loosing it because i'd brought in too many and literally throwing them about 15 ft from the fire out of the french windows out into the back garden, and throwing one so hard it hit the chandelier type light smashing it and making it leave a huge hole in the ceiling - all because i brought in too many logs. I really thought i was being a "good girl". I remember DREADING a Sunday, because Sundays were argument days. My sister would get the brunt of the rows, because she was a teenage and full of hormones, although i didn't get on with her, i didn't like him being mean to her.

There was another time my mum, step father and i were driving in the car, and they were rowing again. He put his foot down so hard, i/we was/were convinced i/we was/were going to die. Down tiny small lanes, only just enough room for one car, if anything had come the other way, we would have been dead. We made it home and i CLEARLY remember my mum sitting in the front seat making like a wailing noise.....i was so scared, i thought she was dying, i even called an ambulance.

I could tell you another 100 stories like that. Some of the things that happened to my sister which i can't write about on here, because i reckon he'd get done for child abuse (NOT sexual abuse), but just doing things you do not do to a child. I've written about the time he beat me when i was 16...my sister didn't ever have a beating like that, but she had other shit....not nice, really not nice.

So yeah, my dad leaving and not wanting having much to do with us and now even worse because she understands how differently he treats the other two children compared to us.... it's crap really....

Fucking hell. We're two seriously messed up adults.