In the cold light of day and back to normality, instead of thinking i did well to go away for a week....i'm laying here thinking what a failure i am.............
Why?
1) I SHOULD be able to go away. I went away EVERY SINGLE YEAR from the age of 11 months to 21 years old.
2) Probably ruined my boyfriends holiday by not being more *fun*. Put me in a pub/club situation and i panic. Can't do it.
3) Feel really ugly and sorry for my boyfriend having to be around me. All my pictures my scars are so visible, really destroying my already zero confidence.
4) Can't help comparing how much fun my boyfriend could have had if he'd been with someone else (an ex?). He's not said that, in fact he's said he's very proud of what i did, but i can't help feeling like a 36 year old going on 96. I'm so fucking dull.
5) Wish i could just get up and go somewhere without all the mental preparation beforehand. I can't remember what it's like to just do things, on the spare of the moment.
6) Still............COULD DO BETTER :(
Why?
1) I SHOULD be able to go away. I went away EVERY SINGLE YEAR from the age of 11 months to 21 years old.
2) Probably ruined my boyfriends holiday by not being more *fun*. Put me in a pub/club situation and i panic. Can't do it.
3) Feel really ugly and sorry for my boyfriend having to be around me. All my pictures my scars are so visible, really destroying my already zero confidence.
4) Can't help comparing how much fun my boyfriend could have had if he'd been with someone else (an ex?). He's not said that, in fact he's said he's very proud of what i did, but i can't help feeling like a 36 year old going on 96. I'm so fucking dull.
5) Wish i could just get up and go somewhere without all the mental preparation beforehand. I can't remember what it's like to just do things, on the spare of the moment.
6) Still............COULD DO BETTER :(
Comments
And you will do better, look at what improvements you have made, they are inspiring !!!!