Shouldn't have done that...

-
...I weighed myself this morning. I was 7 stone (98lb)..... This number bothers me. It bothers me a lot. Combine that with a face that looks like i've got chicken-pox (due to my excessive picking), when will i learn? PICKING and EATING CHOCOLATE CAKE/BISCUITS, do not help me at all.

I am fed up. I look like hell. I hate being me. I am consumed with self-loathing...inspecting everything about my fucking hideous body....

Comments

Nikki said…
Id feel miserable if I were 7 stone, but for different reasons! I was 7 stone 3 after Id been ill for a while and I looked awful. Im about 7 stone 8 or 10 (I dont know exactly because I dont look.. I leave it to Simon to make sure its not going lower because it makes me miserable being this thin!).. Im 5 foot 4 and my dietitian thinks I need to gain a stone at least, preferably 2 but Ive never been more than 9 stone 3 in my life and that was through eating total rubbish, 2 triple choc muffins, sausage cobs, chips and 3 bars of chocolate a day etc! I'd love to be able to stomach all that now! My cbt lady asked me if I knew about starvation syndrome, it means you bloat and get stomach pains etc, I dont think it applies to me, more like IBS and stress, although I do have a sensitive stomach. I read your food diary on your other blog and I think theres no need to worry about a bit of chocolate here and there.. maybe with a bit of weight will come some boobage anyway!? ;oD
You look fine, worrying about your weight atm is just another stress on you. Enjoy your food, Id kill to be able to eat anything I wanted xx
27/07/2011, 16:03
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

CLOSURE. THE END!!!!!

-
Image
Where it all started... Say Hi and Goodbye to my EX HUSBAND. This is the precious man that i loved for all those years but who treated me like dog shite... I'm only really posting these pictures because i LOVE LOVE LOVE my wedding dress. It was EXACTLY what i wanted. Gorgeous...stunning...i still love it now, rammed upstairs in the loft, screwed up in a ball somewhere :) Don't i look happy? Unfortunately by the end of the day, i was crying!
Read more

From the mouth of an EX agoraphobic

-
A friend of mine yesterday pointed out what a person had written on their blog about being agoraphobic. Said person is an EX agoraphobic...this is what was said. "Agoraphobia is a selfish state of mind. Its completely "curable", and yet some people just wallow in their own self-pity and will never ever get over themselves and recover. When you are so worried about yourself all the time, how can you possibly be a good mother to someone else? Or a good wife/girlfriend/friend? I've unfortunately been the agoraphobic, and I've been the agoraphobics friend. As the friend, it was miserable. Nothing was ever about anything else but them. It was annoying and frustrating. And completely in their hands to change it, but they wouldn't. Because they're too selfish and self centered. Those aren't qualities people like in a person." Opinions please?
Read more

It DID get worse..

-
Image
...now there's a shocker! I have spent the entire evening in hospital. We had to call an ambulance, these feelings in my heart were insane. I was sat in the back on the ambulance and they did all my obs. I was tachycardic, my BP was really high (usually its stupid low) and my ECG was showing Atrial fibrillation, meaning the top two chambers of my heart are beating faster than the bottom two. I was put on oxygen as well because my breathing was a little bit crappy. The medic man stuck a candular in my hand and hit a valve apparently, my hand swelled up in seconds, it was so painful. Got to the hospital and did all the necessary things and then we had to wait...and wait...and wait. Where they'd stuck that needle in the back of my hand and hit the valve, it started going dead. I couldn't feel 4 of my fingers! I called to get someone to take the bugger out. I'm left with a lovely bit blue bruise this morning. My step-father was called to pick us up because we thoug...
Read more