Fugly much!?

So yesterday when i was at Bluewater, the boyfriend sat outside while i was looking around Hollister, which by the way has the most beautiful girls i have ever seen working there, wearing their teeny tiny little denim shorts and crop tops no less. Not one of them had cellulite, they were all stunning. Anyway, i was doing some recording with my Flip and i came out of the shop to catch my boyfriend gawping, MOUTH OPEN at two blondes that were walking past.... His response, "Do you want me to look at the ground...?" For fucks sake. It was my birthday...why can't he for just ONE FUCKING DAY not do that when i am with him.

So after that i felt even more like a sack of shit than i did before. This behaviour bothers me so much. I don't look at other men when i am with him...that's because i have respect, but from now on, i am going to make a point at checking out any man that walks past me... See how HE likes it. Probably won't bother him, but whatever... Childish? Maybe...but i don't care right now. He clearly doesn't get how i feel when i see him staring at pretty girls. I hate myself and he even commented the other day that i am particularly bad at the moment with my 'self loathing' yet he still does it. Is he really that stupid?

This i can't put up with. It may seem silly to other people, it may seem that i am over-reacting, but i don't give a shit, this makes me feel even more worthless than i do already and if he does it when i am with him, what the hell does he do when i'm not with him? Fuck them?

He should just fucking finish with me if i am so hideous he needs to check out everything with a pair of tits....

For fucks sake....
So pissed off...

(Please excuse my use of the F word.....not a happy girl)

Comments

Kaci said…
I've seen you in photos you've posted up here and you are really pretty yourself! And the reason they don't have cellulite is because they are 12 and haven't had any kids yet! Really though, that is a crap response from him. If he is going to get caught looking, he could at least say something sweeter to make you feel better. It would bother me too! I hope that he starts treating you better Sarah, it just seems like lately he's been disappointing you over and over...You deserve to be happy in your relationship.
vinny said…
its not weird as anyone would feel like a bag of shite,i deffo would,i'm dead jealous anyway so if i caught my fella doing that then it would put me in a foul grumpy mood all day or i would just go mad at him for hours on end so i think of the years he has realised its not worth the hastle so never does it ;0)
blonde would pee me off considering u are brown but anyone would pee me off for that matter,so sorry and yeah he should have answered you in a better way and even try to lie and say he wasnt rather that admit it.and yeah too right i think you should get ur own back and look at other men cos i bet he won't like that one bit,just look at some younger fit men with blonde hair or something and see how he likes it,not childish atall,i would even pizz him off and do it while he is trying to talk to you lol and then i think he will get the message,not right anyday let alone ur b.day
goodnight sarah and ur beautiful,teeny tiny thin,tanned,lovely smile and nice person so ur fella must be bonkers to look elsewhere,ur too good for him honest you are xx♥xx
Nikki said…
I think the majority of men are this way, aren't they? I've been lucky enough to know a few that aren't, but for the most part I think they all do it.
I don't look at any men either, Im too shy, too worried Im looking at them and theyre thinking "urgh, why is she looking at me, I can do better than that".. I don't think it would help my confidence (or lack of), so I just don't bother.. But also, whats the point, I have someone and I do think its not nice.. I always feel sorry for girls who's fella is clearly checking out other girls, they may be fine with it, but I just find it rude.. and Im sure the girls being stared at love it.. 'look at your fella checking me out' kinda thing!
Theres a girl across from my Mums, EVERY Sunday she comes out when Simon is playing with Jay on the front garden. Last week she was fannying around in the boot of her car in her tiny white shorts and little vest top, sticking her arse out while we were just the other side of the road. She comes out each week at the exact same time Si is about, its like she needs the attention.. Which she gets!! Hes always staring at her. Shes gorgeous, perfect curvy body, boobs, great figure, blond hair, tanned, pretty features.. Everything Im not, so every Sunday I go home feeling like crap.
He does the bike shows too for 3-5 days in which he and his mates get plenty of eye-candy time.
The best one is when he finds any excuse.. even when theres plenty of room to walk by my side, he will walk behind me just so he can look in peace!
Sometimes I wish I could look too, see how he likes it, like you say.. But I know he wont care either, and if anything it gives him more of a reason to do it!
Theyre just never happy with who they have, thats it! And glancing is one thing, but staring for as long as they do it something else. I do find it disrespectful to us, maybe thats wrong, I dont know.
Sarah♥ said…
Hi Kaci - thanks for your comment.

Thing is, i KNOW he looks... Even before i was with him and he use to do my mums hair, i'd go sit and wait for her and he'd constantly look at women out of the window checking them out... Why did i assume he'd be any different with me???

He had a go at me this evening about me saying something about him looking at other girls.... What am i meant to do? Just put up with it?

x
Sarah♥ said…
Vinny...

His ex girlfriend didn't give a shit about what he did, who he looked at...etc, etc. He use to talk to me on Skype and she knew about it and didn't care, not that there was anything going on between us, but still - i think he got use to a girlfriend not caring. Whereas i do... I DO care.

Yes, it does make me feel like shit...but apparently, that is MY problem, not his.

x
Sarah♥ said…
Hi Nikki...

My first husband did it ONCE when i was pregnant, i got really upset being all fat and wearing shitty dowdy clothes and he never did it again...

There are loads of chicks that hang out at those bike shows, but i guess, it's not as bad if it's not right in front of you, you could almost convince yourself that he's not looking at anyone at all. That's what i had to do with regards to my boyfriends job, pretend that all his clients are 80 year old women!

Oh...he never glances, it's full on staring. Verging on stalker like. Tongue out....the works.

I don't know why they feel the need, but clearly they are never satisfied with what/who they are with.

x
Anonymous said…
Yesterday you were a happy shopper then you went home and thought about it. The happiest day ever becomes distinctly average. What is your problem?


You should try to be a little consistent and sensible. You should find some happiness away from your shopping and you should stop asking others to accommodate your stupidity.



You're okay looking but too thin. Put on a few pounds and relax.If you stay that thin you'll soon look gaunt. Eat, drink and be merry.

And give the guy a break.
Sarah♥ said…
When you have BDD it's very hard to be HAPPY when your man is checking out other women.

Too thin? Average looking?..... Confirms my insecurities, thank you.

If you are going to make such a comment, don't hide under an anonymous log-in... :)

x
lotte said…
I am angry....Sarah ignore ANNOYMOUS its bollocks.....some people are insensitive and have obviously no understanding of Mental Health related issues.....I could scream

As for the Mr....ignore him to....Men can be ignorant and insensitive and NO i would not like my man (if i had one) to be so obvious in oggling other women....

YOU are gorgeous...when i look at your pictures Im in awe of your figure, your hair and your gorgeous face.....

STOP...I DONT WANT TO HEAR that you are not gorgeous, that you are spotty, that your hair is grey....(i know what you are like, I can predict that as soon as I commented about your gorgoeus looks you would pull it apart....DONT just for this once accept the compliment.....please) I mean it Sarah i think you look just perfect....

Love you x x x
Sarah♥ said…
Charlotte... I don't mind people who can't comment under their real profiles... those comments don't really mean much to me. My regulars, my "LOYAL" readers are those who i listen to and respect...no one else.

...but thank you for your comment....i think you are gorgeous, you are tall, gorge boobies, lovely face, nice shiny hair.... VERY envious of YOU!!!!!!

Men - ugh....!!!!
Love you more beautiful lady ♥

xxxx
Hi Sarah
I can understand how you feel. I think when we feel crappy about ourselves, and then see our partners looking at some pretty girl, it makes us feel even worse.
The girls at Hollister, are chosen mostly on their looks. I read about it a while ago. A girl who is not good looking does not get a chance of a job there. How unfair is that!
All men look at other women, but some do it more obviously so than others. I don't think it shows any respect to the woman if her partner openly looks though.At least if your boyfriend is going to look at pretty girls then he should do it discreetly when he is around you. You should have said to him Ok, you can look but you wouldnt stand a chance with them.
When I see a really good looking woman I point her out to Paul, and say Oh she's pretty, and I find then that he seems less bothered about looking at her, or he will say something nice to me like 'Oh you are much better' Awwww...Maybe he doesnt mean it, but at least he shows consideration for how I may feel.
Maybe you should look at good looking men and be obvious about it and then he will see how it feels.
You are pretty, Sarah! Look at your qualities and what you do have going for you, other than putting yourself down. No one is perfect. Maybe the gorgeous girls in that store, have other issues, like they suffer with halitosis or something lol
I don't know your boyfriend and can only go on what you write about him, but he does seem judging by what you write, like quite a self centred person. Hope you don't mind me writing that?
Hugs to you
Charlotte (who used to have a Google account)
vinny said…
Hi babe,don't listen to them above cos ur not just ok looking ur stunning and ur not too thin at all,you are very slim and i hope you can get your eating disorder under control but no way are you too skinny,to me ur just perfect cos b4 i got preg i was 12-14 and hated it and i probably won't even lose the weight after pregnancy ggrrr so if i saw u walking down the street i would think awww she's dead pretty,i may look ok ish on my pic but get up close and i have massive pores on my nose and forehead and spots all the time which i have to cover with make-up so i too have crappy skin. i would never put up with my fella talking to another lady on skype or looking at them all the time like his ex did,thats just weird and she must have been an idiot lol.
ive not noticed my fella doing it with me now although if a pretty girl walks past i have noticed he looks at the floor bless him which isnt fair,and ive said to him b4,god just cos ive moaned at u in the past doesn't mean i want you to look at the floor,as long as you don't stare and its just a normal glance then i don't care but now i just think he doesn't want to cause an argument which is sad ;0(
he probably does when he's on his own but then i don't know so it can't hurt me.does ur fella ever say you look nice today?or awww you look pretty?mine does now you see so its nice,has he told you he loves you yet?maybe you need him to be more close to you as i'm one of these people that needs affection all the time as it makes me feel loved.everyone here thinks ur beautiful so pleae listen and try ur best to take it in sweetie,have a nice day xx♥xx
Sarah♥ said…
Hey Missy - there is no way in the world you look 12-14 AND you are pregnant!!! You look teeny (and very pretty!).

We all have our insecurities...and mine were definitely made worse and reaffirmed by my ex who told me daily how disgusting i was. It's no wonder it's taking a long time for me to get over this shit.

My boyfriend tells me every-single-day how lovely/gorgeous i look, i ignore him or make a stupid noise as if to say "Whatever"..... I'm no good at accepting compliments when all i see in the mirror are my imperfections and disgusting body.

xxx
Nikki said…
lol love the comment from Anon.. The "What is your problem?" being the best bit!
Hows about you ask that question yourself........

O_O

..The joys of being able to talk crap whilst being too much of a chicken to post under a real profile!
Im all for differing opinions, but theres no need to be rude with it.

Sarah, take no notice xx
Sarah♥ said…
I could have easily not approved that comment, but that is why i have them on, so people can have their say - another perspective.... ;)

What's my problem....? PMSL - Where do i start? 23 years of Eating disorders/20 years of BDD/13 years of Panic/anxiety/agoraphobia/Low self esteem...and numerous other mental health issues that thankfully have taken a bit of a back seat, but are still lurking!

Thank YOU Nikki.... :)
being me said…
hey.. dont listen 2 anonymous comment wat crap.. i think ur lovely very pretty :) everyone has insecurities etc wats their problem? .. i love reading ur blogs n enjoy watching ur uploaded videos :) ignore negative comments! keep up the good work sarah

xx
Sarah♥ said…
Hi...and thank you.

NO ONE can pull me apart like i pull myself apart, so they can try their hardest...but....whatever!!!

xxx

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