We had a chat...

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...I asked him why he needed to 'blow up on me' when he's had a drink.  He said that's how he's always been.  I then asked, in the 2 years and 3 months we've been together, how many times have i shouted/lost my temper or started an argument... He could recall ONCE!  Not ONCE.

I came out of the previous relationship that was fraught with anger, abuse and arguments, and i don't want that again - ever.

His response was that i want 'Perfect relationship'....

NO I DON'T, because there is no such thing of perfect... I just explained to him if there is something he needs to get off his chest, then do it when he's not drinking and also instead of having it fester inside him, tell me straight away.  Usually his rows start with something so minor...but he winds himself up and then goes off....telling me about ALL his clients that are sick, who have cancer, who have all these illnesses and i should think myself "LUCKY".......

....I am laughing as i write the word lucky, because i do not consider myself lucky in life - at all.

Anyway...the chat went shit....
Whatever...

Comments

Anonymous said…
You are lucky even though you don't feel it. Sometimes it is helpful to consider how much worse off other people are so to that extent I agree with the BF.

It's still probably the case that you're not best suited to each other and cannot be happy together. He sounds impatient and unsympathetic and that will not get better as time passes.

You're still young and you should find someone else. Do not waste anymore time with this guy but find someone who will make you happy.

I know it's not easy but on-line dating is quite fun once you get used to the idea and you can take things at your own pace. I think that it was considered a bit sad but definitely not anymore. Give it a go.
22/09/2011, 10:29
Sarah♥ said…
Thank you x
22/09/2011, 10:34
vinny said…
that anoys me as cancer is nothing like what we go through so there is no point in comparing them or trying to make you feel bad,no we are not going to die but we live crappy lives and half of us would rather not live such a crappy life,sometimes i do try and think myself lucky but it never works as i think at least i'm not in a wheelchair etc so i must be better off than them but then i think NOPE cos at least people in wheelchairs can go out and have meals and meet up with friends and can go outside etc etc {sorry} but we all go through different things and any dissability is not worse than another as they are all different so you can't compare xxxxxxxx
22/09/2011, 15:06
Miss F said…
Oh I so agree with Vinny about the wheelchair thing, i have thought the same thing so many times, and then i feel guilty about it. The thing is, who says we are not as 'sick' as other people, just beacuse it isnt visible?
No, we are definitely not 'lucky' but in saying that, you are such and amazing person, so beautiful and such an inspiration to others so i think you are lucky to be such and amazing and strong person :-)and i think whether you can go out or not, someone will definitely love you just how you are
22/09/2011, 21:29
vinny said…
yeah miss fiona i then feel bad for thinking it too,not just about wheelchair users but the deaf,the blind,etc etc
i do think somebody dying is obviously worse off than us but you can't compare them as that's silly as cancer is awful.
but how can we feel lucky with the life we lead,my fella sometimes says i feel sorry for myself all the time but ive had a shit life,my mum dad and nan all dies in the space of 1 and half years when i was in my teens 14/15 then i was in a violent relationship for 7 years,then left him and got panic atacks,anxiety,leading to depression social phobia,agarophobia and generlised anxiety,can't fecking do anything or go anywhere,burden on everyone and feel guilty about that and about spoiling their lives too,i'm now 32 and still not got over my parents passing away at such a young age,don't really have friends cos of the way i am,miss mum and dad soooo much,the only good thing that ive got is my fella for the past 10 years and he is ace,plus ive just had my first baby,little girl called teegan who is amazing,so its only them two holding me together,if i could cry and sleep all day i would,it gets you so down living a life like this so yeah dead lucky lol......
and i know sarah you and everyone else will agree its crap living in a bubble of fear,depression and feeling like you just wanna give up!!!!
but we have to carry on trying and put on a posative face even if we are crying inside xx♥xx
22/09/2011, 23:40
Anonymous said…
BF is an idiot at times (in my opinion) wow...... yes we are lucky not to have cancer BUT they dont ask for cancer just like we dont ask for MH problems. I would not wish cancer or this on anyone. You cant compare the 2 really, excpet that if you have cancer more people will talk about it to you than if you have MH problems.

Be strong beautiful and really rise above him, I know its not easy, you deserve such happiness not to feel like you ar ewalking on egg shells x x xx
23/09/2011, 06:58
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