..and then came the tears.

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Woke up this morning feeling particularly down. Not the normal having an 'off day', proper grey clouds, doom/gloom and despair.

Don't want to do anything, go anywhere and see anyone. Just want to cry and that is what i am doing. Laying in my pit sobbing like a baby, typing this through streaming eyes.

I'm getting the 'don't want to be here any more' thoughts. Maybe, just maybe i am struggling with the fact that my future is not what i want it to be, not heading where i would like it to. There is one resolution that we all know, but am i strong enough to go through that again? Being alone is easier because you don't have the stress of relationship issues and also the guilt of not being 'normal'. I HATE that. Perhaps that's another reason why he won't commit to me, who wants to take on a nut case full-time??

I don't want to get to the stage when he is resenting me like my ex did. When things get nasty (well, they were always nasty). I don't want him to leave ME because of those reasons, plus, it's just not fair when he's at work and he calls his girlfriend to find her sobbing on the end of the phone.

I'm useless and pathetic and i should be on my own.

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