Oh... and just to make me even more pissed off...
..My friend today was going through her emails (facebook) and found a rather interesting conversation between my ex husbands best friend and her... This conversation took place in early May 2009... before he actually officially asked for a divorce... Okay so we weren't living together, but we were talking about getting back together... Still - hearing what i heard today was like another knife in the back...
It went something like this...
EX HUSBANDS FRIEND... I asked if all was well with him and Sarah and he said it was all fine.
MY FRIEND... Oh?
EX HUSBANDS FRIEND... I thought something was up because he'd be acting like a dog on heat and cracking onto every women within a 3ft radius. He's been banging on about going out and getting pissed with his mates from work and when we were out the other night he was perving over all the girls....
THIS WAS BEFORE HE'D ASKED FOR THE DIVORCE!
I am gutted. I don't know why, because we weren't living together, but why was he even talking about getting back together if that was how he was behaving? I am really fed up.
It went something like this...
EX HUSBANDS FRIEND... I asked if all was well with him and Sarah and he said it was all fine.
MY FRIEND... Oh?
EX HUSBANDS FRIEND... I thought something was up because he'd be acting like a dog on heat and cracking onto every women within a 3ft radius. He's been banging on about going out and getting pissed with his mates from work and when we were out the other night he was perving over all the girls....
THIS WAS BEFORE HE'D ASKED FOR THE DIVORCE!
I am gutted. I don't know why, because we weren't living together, but why was he even talking about getting back together if that was how he was behaving? I am really fed up.
Comments
Anonymous said...
Nothing ever changes.
I remember you getting pissed off a while back because your friend/s couldnt understand why you werent better, but to be honest its become pretty clear why you aren't.
Yes you are out, youve made some big changes, but its like if things aren't perfect you give up and its back on with the 'Why arent I any better' then you have to undo the weeks in which youve gotten depressed, then rolls in the other stuff thats wrong because you feel like crap! But if you can honestly say you 100% push yourself to get out there every single day, that you look to the future as much as you do your past, then I will happily apologize and say Im wrong. However, I very much doubt that will happen! The running machine, the blog documenting your walks.. typical examples of dipping your foot in here n there. You seem to spend 1/3 of your life trying to get better (whilst also shopping, and moaning about what you cant buy when you dont have any intentions of working, or even builing up to it by volunteering) and 2/3 just moaning about how awful things are!
You hold on to the past and waste too much time focusing on that, that you dont actually put your efforts into changing anything for the long term.. Even that list > "whats my problem" could you add anything else to it, just to remind yourself of whats wrong. Its like a badge you wear with pride, rather than things you want to shed. Again, woe is me.
Your husband is your ex for a reason, this is one of them. You even said you werent living together + you were just talking.. he didnt actually do anything either! You are with someone new so why do you care what he said or did a few years ago? (When did you get with (YOUR BOYFRIEND) anyway, about the same time? ) You were moaning a while ago because HE was eyeing up women in hollister or wherever it was.. Theyre men, they look!
u just keep on moaning on about the same stuff.. Why doesnt HE love me, why doesnt he change, why doesnt he love me enough to stop drinking. Why did my husband treat me that way. Why does my Dad do what he does, why does he like my sister more than me. Why dont my friends understand. ARGHH For the love of God! If YOURE not happy, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!! Can you not see why people get fed up from time to time?
Theres a reason I stopped following this blog ages ago.. Its just funny that so much time has passed, yet nothing has changed!
You ask why people around you get better, yet you dont.. that reason is staring back at you every day!
25/11/2011 11:33
When you're dealing with all this....continuous low mood or sadness, feelings of hopelessness and helplessness, low self-esteem, tearfulness
feelings of guilt, feeling irritable and intolerant of others, lack of motivation and little interest in things, difficulty making decisions, lack of enjoyment, suicidal thoughts or thoughts of harming yourself and feeling anxious or worried, tell me, please, how i am just supposed to stop being depressed and carry on as a 'normal' person?
My attention span is minimal. I *think* things are good ideas... but then things happen and i get bored or lose interest...and move on.
Yes, i do go out everyday with my dog, i struggle to go far, so that is pretty boring to blog about. I WALKED MY DOG TODAY!
I can't work if i can't leave the house any further than my estate alone. No, right now i don't have any intentions of working, because i am unable to.
I spend an awful lot of time moaning, i am fine with that too. If i am pissed off, this is my blog, i will moan.
I got with my boyfriend about 2 weeks after my husband left me.
You've recalled a lot of information for someone who doesn't read any more. A lot of old info and new things too... ;)
I think i have a right to be fed up that my HUSBAND (we were still married) was doing that behind my back! Who wouldn't get pissed off with that? Yes it was years ago, but still - i have feelings...
I have very low self esteem, i don't like to see my boyfriend eyeing up other women, it does hurt me. I am a women, i like men, doesn't mean i gawp at them when i am with him, i have MORE respect than that.
If you stopped reading, why are you reading now?
hank you for your ANONYMOUS comments, i do really appreciate them. I will stop being depressed/agoraphobic, i will stop hating myself, i will stop having panic attacks RIGHT NOW because it's just that simple.
And as for my father - of course it hurts that he calls/spends time with his other 3 children and not me.
For everyone else out there, i am trying my fucking hardest to get better. I was roombound for a very long time, so in terms of 'not trying hard enough' ... well... i think i have come a long long way from being THAT person.
I've had some shit thrown at me, no more than anyone else, but everybody deals with things in their own way, their own time... i am not a strong person, i struggle... I'm not superwomen nor do i pretend that i am. I am a single mother, and first and foremost trying my best to raise a son whilst dealing with depression and agoraphobia at the same time. So please forgive me if i'm not doing good enough. That's your opinion entirely